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I can’t believe he just walkedaway.
Of course he walked away. It waseasy. He doesn’t want you. Nobody does.
I bend at the waist, trying tocurb the nausea, as bile rises through my throat. I let wave uponwave of shame and humiliation wash over my trembling body.
Nobody.
Nobody wants you.
Slowly, my breath steadies.
Okay, I can do this. It’s not theend of the world. But I hate this. I hate feeling this vulnerable,this mortified.
The worst part is that I am stillterribly turned on. Fucking Chris Dunn. Who knew what was cookingbeneath that hot, goofy exterior? I hate that he could come to hissenses enough to actually leave before we crossed the lines thatprobably shouldn’t be crossed. I hate him for having the presenceof mind to put a stop to everything, because I definitely didnot.
I need to apologize, try to fixthis. Should I walk over there? No. Text. Text is better.
No. No texting. I can’t risk himadding insult to injury. Not tonight. I need to step back.
I wish I had a punching bag. Thereisn’t one downstairs in the gym either. We should really have one.For frustrated horny emergencies.
You are worthless.
The voice that is always with me,the voice I work very hard to ignore, is getting bolder and louder,making its way to the forefront of my mind.
Nobody wants you.
Another wave of nausea, anotherwave of shame and humiliation cresting. I need to stop them frompulling me under.
I need a way to feel better. Ineed to feel wanted.
My first impulse is to text Dave,but even though I can barely breathe and most of my blood is stillin my cunt, I know that’s a terrible idea.
Then I remember Rick. Yes, Rickwould be perfect. I haven’t seen him in a while.
I whip out my phone and find hisnumber before I get a chance to wonder whether or not I should.
9:30 PM
Roxie: Hey Rick
Rick: Roxie! Long time nohear
How are things?
Roxie: You busy rightnow?
Rick: Not particularly. Justwatching a movie. Why?
Roxie: You know why
Rick: Oh! Yeah, sure. Yourplace or mine?
Roxie: Yours if you don’tmind
Rick: Sure. When?
Roxie: I will be there in 20min. Can’t stay long
