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“I actually think Joe is quitefond of you.”
“He wouldn’t hang out with me ifit didn’t make Liz happy.” I can't believe I’m saying this. I don'tthink this at all about Liz and Joe. “So I don’t really get whatyou get from spending all your time with me when you could belooking for someone to fuck, because you don’t seem to want to fuckme.” Seriously, Roxanne? You just come out and say it?“Which is fine, by the way,” I add, as if that somehow makes thetorrent of idiocy I just spewed any less mortifying.
“First of all, I never said Ididn’t want to fuck you, because I would in a heartbeat, if I couldjustify jeopardizing our friendship that has been my sole source ofcomfort and social life since I moved here. If I had any reason tobelieve you wanted me for real, because I don't think that youdo.”
He steps toward me and now we areonly a couple feet apart. I can hear my heart beating in my throat.Why is it so hot in here? And why does he smell so good?
“I’m not some dude youscrew and discard, and you’re not some random hookup for me. Youare way too important to me, and it infuriates me that you thinkyou don’t deserve all the consideration of yourself as a person andthat you are less important than getting my dick wet, and I reallywish you would stop talking about how you see me and us and otherpeople are disposable. I don’t even believe you really think any ofit, you just act like you do because you’ve been around too manyassholes who didn’t deserve you and, now, because of them, youthink you don’t deserve anything.”
My hand darts on its own and landson his upper arm. He looks down at it, then at me.
I finally understand that oldcliché about time standing still.
He is so warm, I can feel the heatradiating through his shirt. His muscles tighten under my grip, andthat tension, knowing I am causing the tension, makes heat surge tomy center.
He takes a step forward and is nowwithin my personal space, his nose a mere inch from mine, and hewaits. His eyes are dark and hooded and fixated on my mouth.Shallow breaths leave his partly open mouth and I can see theinside of his lower lip, wet with saliva and glistening faintly inthe light of the TV, and I feel a primitive urge to sink my teethinto that plump juicy flesh. I barely resist, and instead graze itlightly with my fingertips. He holds his breath and closes hiseyes.
The urge swells, getting stronger,impossible to resist. I close the small distance between us whilehis eyes are still closed, remove my fingertips, and gently suckthat infernal protruding lip into my mouth.
That’s all he needs because hegrabs me by the waist and the back of my neck and crushes me intohis body and his mouth is soft and open and his tongue is a hardmuscle twisting together with mine, and his lips are everywhere atonce, all over mine, exploring, then out on my chin, on my jawline,moving down my neck and up again, and then I feel his breath andthe tip of his tongue pressing on that spot on the neck right wherethe jaw and the earlobe meet, and I swear a jolt of electricityshoots straight into my pussy and I can’t contain a moan.
He grunts something like “Nmhn” inresponse and his hands are moving, one down from my waist andtoward my ass, which he grabs not at all like the nice dorky boy Ithought he was for some reason, stupid stupid Roxie, and hisother hand is in my hair and he massages my scalp before he grabs ahandful of strands and pulls backwards so I would open up my neckto him, and he uses his tongue and his teeth to sear lines on myskin from my cleavage to my collarbone to my jaw.
My hands roam along his neck,shoulders, chest, his face, and I have no idea what is actuallyguiding them.
There is a massive erectionagainst my lower belly and I slide my hand up and down his cockover his pants and his hips follow my hand, chasing the friction,the pressure. I spread my legs a little and nestle his thigh inbetween mine, and I rub my pelvis against it, just a little, therubs both igniting and soothing the ache in my clit, and that cockis magnetic so my little pelvic thrusts acts as little bows to itsmajesty, while I continue to stroke it and Chris is busy frying thenerve ends in my throat.
His hand moves to my breast andthe traitorous nipples could cut glass and he squeezes the breast afew times, but it is not enough, so he yanks my shirt up and thecup of my bra down and he descends upon that nipple like it is theHoly Grail, and he licks it all over, in broad, measured strokes,and then he starts to suck on it, and his other hand is on theother breast, yanking the cup, and he is nibbling on one andpinching and twisting the other, and the jolts, one after theother, so many, shooting straight down into my clit and Ibuck against him, my spine arching because this is a lot, but thenhe switches so the other nipple wouldn’t feel overlooked and hesucks for dear life, and I grab onto his shoulders because my kneesmight give out.
His mouth is back on mine, hishand sliding into the front of my pants, and he slowly moves inbetween the folds and I moan as he makes little back and forthmovements, inching toward the opening, teasing countless nervesalong his path, my whole pelvic floor swollen and throbbing andready and eager. So eager.
He sticks two fingers inside mycunt and groans and I know that is because I am so fucking wet, andI moan, “Chris—”
But hearing his name seems tobring him back to reality. His body stiffens and he lets go of me,then puts his hands up between us and takes a step back,panting.
“Fuck… Roxie, we can’t.”
Why not?
But I don’t say anything. Maybethe silence will bring back the moment that my last word destroyed.I suddenly feel cold, my tits sticking out above my pulled-downbra, so I take a step backwards, away from him, but he grabs me bythe wrists. My heart pounds and my pussy screams What thefuck? and it feels terrifying to be exposed like this, nakedlike this, and to be told no, we cannot lose our heads likethis.
“This … this can’t be casual,” hesays. “You … this all means too much.”
His breathing is heavy and heholds me by the wrists. We stand there panting, with crazy makeouthair, my breasts hanging out, when he cups my cheek and says, “Wecan’t, Roxie, we can’t. I don’t want to lose you.”
I yank my wrists from his handsand look him in the eye, and I think he reads that I feel hurt andhumiliated. He gives me a quick peck on the forehead and it’s sogentle it makes my heart ache. I pull down my shirt and hug myselfbecause this is suddenly all too much, and I want him gone. I don’teven have to say it. He says goodnight and leaves.
ChapterEight
Roxie
Spasm upon spasm clutches myinsides. I think I’m going to puke.
You idiot. You ruinedeverything.
I can’t get air into my lungs.Every breath hurts.
You stupid fucking idiot.
