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10:27 PM
Chris: You must be in bed. Talkto you tomorrow. Good night
Shit. Shit.
Shitshitshitshitshit
I am such shit.
I pound on the steering wheel, asshame and regret wash over me. I should let them drown me.
Chapter Nine
Chris
Fuck. Me.
Peeling myself away from Roxie andgoing home was one of the hardest fucking things I’ve ever had todo.
I pace like a lunatic for half anhour, maybe longer. I am the most awake I’ve ever been in my life.My every last nerve is on fire, and I teeter on the verge ofwalking back to Roxie’s place to fuck her senseless. But if I dothat, then everything will be over. No more hanging out, anddefinitely nothing more because I don’t think she can even fathomit right now. Let alone want it.
Why do I think she’d ever wantit?
I need a medal for self-control.Where the fuck is my goddamn medal?
You could bounce quarters off myballs. Fuck my life.
I go a round with a flashlight andanother with my hand, but I’m still wound up. I decide to go to thegym downstairs, because I have to get rid of this nervousenergy.
On my way, I knock on Roxie’sdoor. It’s an impulse. I have no idea what I’m going to say if sheanswers.
She doesn’t. Maybe she’s in thebathroom. Is she avoiding me? I knock a couple more times, butnothing. So I text her.
9:51 PM
Chris: Hey
Stopped by. Just wanted to makesure you’re OK
I make my way down to the gym andget on the treadmill. I keep watching the phone, but no responsecomes.
Time passes, and it’s clear shewon’t text back tonight. She probably doesn’t want to talk to me. Ihave no idea what I would even say to her, but I feel like I shouldsay something. Somehow make things right. Explain. Apologize.
10:27 PM
Chris: You must be in bed. Talkto you tomorrow. Good night
****
8:20 AM
Roxie: I am really sorry aboutlast night
Really really sorry
Chris: It’s OK. No need to besorry
I’m not sorry
