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8:40 AM
Chris: We don’t need to talkabout it if you don’t want to
Roxie: Would you be OK withthat? Going back to how things were before yesterday?
Chris: Of course. Whatever youneed, Rox
Roxie: Thank you
9:25 AM
Roxie: I might need a couple ofdays break from hanging out to reset
Chris: I’m not goinganywhere
I will use the time to strategizehow I am going to kick your ass in Super Mario
Roxie: You will never beat meat Super Mario
Chris: Them’s fighting words,Nowak
Roxie: You know it Dunn
****
Three weeks later
Roxie and I are back to normal.Kind of. There has been a shift in our relationship, and it’s hardto describe what exactly it is. Or maybe it’s not, I just don’tlike the words that fit. Colder. More distant. More platonic thanplatonic.
Even her jokes have been toneddown and are now completely innocuous. One of the best things abouther was that she said whatever came to her mind, and she wasinsightful, passionate, and hilarious. Now I feel she’s giving methe level of funny that’s reserved for the coworkers she doesn’tparticularly like.
It’s fine. It’s all fine. This iswhat I wanted, right? For us not to jeopardize our friendlyneighbor setup. Well, she’s definitely neighborly and friendly, Ican’t complain about that. We still hang out, just less frequentlythan before. So why do I get so pissed that, every time we’re ather place, she no longer sits next to me on the couch but in one ofthe armchairs? When we are at a restaurant, she sits across from mewith her feet to the side, making sure not even our feet bump byaccident. I am sure she knows I won’t touch her unless she wants meto, so I don’t know what she’s doing and if she’s doing this for mybenefit or for hers, but I know I hate it. I miss her being closein my space.
****
“Are you angry with me?” I ask,pausing a movie we’re watching at Roxie’s place.
She takes a moment beforeresponding flatly. “No. Why would you think that?” There is nosarcasm in her voice. No teasing. No confusion. Nothing.
“Because you won’t get withinseveral feet from me.”
“I don’t know what you’re talkingabout.”
I point toward her chair. “Look atwhere you are sitting. On the other side of the room. You never didthat before.”
“Of course I did. I sit wherever Ifeel like.”
“You used to sit on the couch,next to me, where the view of the screen is best, and now all of asudden you are always in the armchair?”
“What can I say? The armchair isvery comfy and the view isn’t bad. You should try it sometime.”
“Roxie, what is going on? Tell me,please.”
“Nothing’s going on. Let’s watchthe movie.”
“Is this about that night a fewweeks ago?”
“Nothing is going on. I would liketo continue watching the movie, if you don’t mind.” She looks me inthe eye and points toward the remote in my hand. She isn’t angry,upset, or sad. She isn’t anything. She has locked herself within,away from me, and I realize, with a feeling of dread, that thismight be it. A neighborly coexistence, but my friend is gone. AndI’m pretty sure I did this.
