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She scoots toward me on her kneesand straddles me. “I'm saying no more condoms starting right now.”She grabs my head and places a mint-flavored kiss on my lips.
My body responds in an instant,and I kick off the covers. She’s on top of me, naked, rocking herhips, sliding her pussy up and down my thickening cock, slowly,torturously, as she deepens the kiss. My hands are in her hair andaround her back, and I want to hold her close, as close aspossible. Closer than possible.
She lifts her hips off me for amoment, enough to slide her hand between her thighs, grab my cock,and guide it inside her. She sinks onto it with her eyes closed,holding her breath.
“Every time. This first entryfeels so good every time,” she whispers as she stills. She’s hotand warm and slick from all sides, and, as my chest swells withemotion, I am way too close to saying something I can’t take back,something I realize I might’ve said to other people in the past,but never really meant it.
Somewhere deep within me, a cinderof terror and fury ignites. Terror that I might misstep and thiswill all be taken away, and fury toward this woman who seems sorelaxed, so blissed out, and nowhere nearly as tortured, nowherenearly as lost for me as I am for her.
I grab her by the back of the neckand pull her down to me, and she stiffens in surprise, but only fora moment, before she relaxes as if to say, You seem to want tolead, go ahead. I kiss her deeply, forcefully, as if I’m tryingto brand the inside of her mouth with my tongue, and she moans,wrapping her arms around my neck as tightly as she can. I’ve gother plastered against my body, her hips rocking slightly, while weclaw at each other.
Her hunger matches mine, and for asecond that vicious, furious part of me is almost sated as I thinkShe feels the same, she’s right there with you. I press hereven closer and roll us over so she’s on her back, still holding meby the neck like she’s about to drown if she gets any farther. Ifeel her everywhere, her insides wet and scorching hot, and itfeels incredible, as close as two people can be, and this time,unlike the first time when we were together and she gotoverwhelmed, she doesn’t seem to want to pull away.
I thrust inward, seating myselfdeep. “You okay?” I whisper.
She moans and nods.
Another thrust, more forceful, andI wait, my lips barely off hers. “It’s not too much?”
She shakes her head no and clampson me with both arms and legs, leaving me little room to move.
“Roxie…”
“It’s not too much,” she says.“It’s never enough. I can’t get close enough to you.”
Those words slice me across thechest.
Relax. See? She feels the same asyou. It’s all fine. You should be happy.
Don’t be stupid. She doesn’t loveyou. She just likes to fuck you, that’s all.
I am petrified, and then the fearmorphs into fury. I lift myself up on my hands so I can see herface. Her hold on my back loosens.
“Look at me,” I demand, and Ican’t hide the anger in my voice as I pump fast and hard. Her eyeswiden, confusion marking her features. She’s flushed and panting,and she’s holding my gaze like I asked.
I fuck her hard and within ahandful of thrusts her head is banging against the headboard, soshe moves one hand up to push against it, but she doesn’t break eyecontact. I lower myself on one elbow and use the other arm to hookher leg behind the knee and push that knee all the way up to herchest.
Her moans deepen as she closes hereyes and tilts her head back. I am furious, and turned on, andhorrified at how helpless I feel before her and how much it makesme want to hurt her, and I can’t get over how vulnerable andtrusting she looks, and I’m disgusted with myself because I can’tjust enjoy this, and instead this tiny, bitter, ugly voice keepschanting in my ear.
“Chris…” She places one handbetween our bodies, palm cupping her mound, my dick now going inand out between her index and middle fingers. She slides thefingers up to her clit, where she gives a little rub, down to whereI’m fucking her, the V of her fingers providing a little extrapressure as I thrust.
“You close?” I ask.
She rolls her lips against herteeth and nods, speeding up the work of her hand, stroking herselfbetween her clit and my cock, breathing heavily through her nose,eyes closed shut, focusing. The other hand, the one on the sameside as the hooked leg, pushes against the headboard, helping hermeet my thrusts.
I drag myself up a little alongher body to change the angle, give her clit more of the rubbingaction against the base of my dick.
“Oh, fuck yes,” she cries, removesher hand from her pussy, and claws into my ass with it.
I am barely holding on, hoping shefinishes soon because I can’t go on much longer, and there it is,the tightening at the base of my cock, and I curse under my breath.I fear I’m too close, and I’ll fail her, and then I ram into Roxiewith all I’ve got. She lets out a desperate sob, the sound I’vecome to know and crave, her body tightening, lifting off the bed,and as her walls contract around me, an orgasm seizes my body,blinding pulses of pleasure taking over, and I come inside herwithout any barrier for the first time.
I let go of her leg and lowermyself into her arms, and she’s sweaty and winded, but happy andrelaxed. She wraps her arms tight around my back and kisses me onthe neck.
She hasn’t done anything wrong.You are an asshole for letting your ugliness, your insecurity rearup when you fuck her.
I try to roll off her, but shewon’t let me. I stay buried inside her as I soften and it’ssurreal, not having to run to the bathroom for the condom.
Both affection and shame rise andfall within me as my breath stills. Roxie kisses me softly on theside of my face, and I feel a knot in my throat, a huge knot madeof barbed wire. It scratches and tears into me, because I want thisso badly, I want her to love me as much as I love her sobadly, and at the same time I just know she doesn’t, I know shecouldn’t, I know it’s impossible, and I almost let myself cry.
