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Brooke had to concede Olivia might have a point about that. The two of them had basically imprinted on each other like baby chicks when they were assigned to be roommates Brooke’s freshman year of college because they’d both been scared and alone in a new city, but she hadn’t developed many close friends since. Or any, really.
But that was by choice. Brooke was an introvert who treasured her alone time. She didn’t need to be out socializing every night or baring her soul to whomever would listen. There were plenty of human interactions to be had, between her students, the faculty she dealt with, and her fellow grad students. Sometimes too much, in fact.
She liked coming home to an empty apartment at the end of most days. And if, on occasion, she wanted to go out after hours, she had people she could call on for that too.
She was fine.
“You’re acting like it’s some kind of involuntary defense mechanism,” Brooke told Olivia. “It’s simply a preference. I’m not as outgoing as you or Penny. This is how I like it.”
“You keep telling yourself that,” Olivia said, giving her a wry look. “I just think, if there’s anyone worth opening your heart for, it might be this guy.”
Maybe. But maybe that was exactly the reason why Brooke shouldn’t do it.
She took a drink of her wine. And then she admitted what she was really afraid of. “What if he moves here, and then two months later I get sick of him like I do everyone else?”
“What if you don’t?” Olivia said.
“What if I do? I don’t want to be sick of Dylan. That’s not going to hurt him any less. In fact, it will hurt him a lot more if he uproots his whole life for me andthenI dump him.”
Brooke’s phone rang in her bag and she scrambled for it, in case it was Dylan finally calling her back. But it was only her mom. She let it go to voicemail.
“Who was that?” Olivia asked.
“Just my mom.” Brooke could call her back later—or not. She really wasn’t up to dealing with her mother tonight.
She sipped her wine, thinking about what Olivia had said.Wasshe the asshole?
She’d certainly broken Dylan’s heart. There was no denying that. She hadn’t meant to, for whatever that was worth. She’d tried really hard not to hurt him, in fact. From the outset, she’d been very clear with him about what she was and wasn’t capable of. They’d had an arrangement. He’d agreed to the terms—quite enthusiastically, as she recalled. And he was the one who’d pushed to make their relationship physical in the first place. Brooke had actively tried to avoid it for fear ofthis exact situation, but he’d persisted until he convinced her.
And somehow now she was the bad guy? Because he’d tried to change the terms of the arrangement on her? That didn’t seem fair.
Except Dylan had been hurt. And Brooke couldn’t help feeling guilty about that. She was haunted by the look on his face when he’d thought she didn’t want him. But it was so much more complicated than just wanting him. Wanting him wasn’t enough.
Her phone rang a second time, and she sighed as she checked the screen. Her mother again. Couldn’t the woman have left a voicemail the first time she called?
“Should you answer that?” Olivia asked as Brooke declined the second call.
“No, it’s fine.” She probably just wanted to try and smooth things over after their last conversation. Brooke wasn’t in the mood to be smoothed right now.
But when the phone started ringing again, just a few seconds later, she felt a trickle of unease. “Mom?” Brooke said, accepting the third call.
“Oh honey, it’s your father,” her mother said in a voice that sounded very small and very scared. “He’s had a stroke.”
Chapter Nineteen
At 8:35 the next morning, Brooke stepped off the plane in Baton Rouge.
Her eldest brother, Teddy, picked her up at the airport. She hadn’t seen him in years, and she was shocked at how much his hairline had receded—and how much he looked like their father.
She’d never been super close to her brothers. Teddy was six years older than her, and Justin was four years older. They’d both left for college by the time she entered high school, and they hadn’t come home a whole lot after that. Brooke’s mother kept her informed about their lives, but the siblings had never bothered to keep in touch with each other. Without their mom to connect them, they’d basically be strangers. They basicallywerestrangers.
Brooke didn’t even know if her brothers knew why she’d fallen out of her father’s good graces. Probably not. Her parents probably wouldn’t have wanted to pollute them with the knowledge of her shame.
It was entirely possible Teddy and Justin hadn’t even noticed the change in her relationship with Dad. They had their own issues with him, truth be told. He’d been strict and judgmental with all his children, but he’d been especially hard on his sons. Even as a young child, when she was still Daddy’s best girl, Brooke had been aware of the tensions. It had taken her a little longer to recognize the inequity in the way they were treated and understand the gender dynamics behind it.
She probably should have been more sympathetic. But she’d been young, and it had been easier to stay out of the fray and enjoy her father’s praise when she could earn it. Easier to tell herself that her brothers deserved the punishments they got for being less perfect than she was.
It was a coping strategy that had backfired on her when she got knocked off her pedestal by one positive pregnancy test. All those years of sucking up meant she’d had farther to fall, and so the crash had been more spectacular and less recoverable than the persistent, low-grade disappointment her brothers had always lived with.
