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"Ready for this to be over."
"I know." I whisper. "Not much longer now."
"Thank you for coming."
"Like you could've kept me away. Do you know how long it'll be before they take you back?" I have a seat next to Matthew.
He answers. "The doctor was in about fifteen minutes ago. She's the next patient they'll take back. "
My stomach clenches as I try not to think about all the shit that can go wrong. As I'm about to say something, the door opens and a whole team comes in. They start prepping her, and she introduces me to the man who'll be operating on her.
"I promise we'll take good care of her."
"See that you do. I have a girl to introduce her to."
Mom gasps. "You do?"
"I do. So, make sure you come out of this just fine. I'm gonna text her when you go back and let her distract me from what's happening with you. Isn't that what relationships are supposed to be?"
She grasps Matthew's hand, glancing up at him. "Yes, but I didn't know it until I met him."
"Because you met him, I know what it's like to treat Kara how he treats you."
"Kara?" She tilts her head. "Isn't that the taco truck girl? She's gorgeous, Abel."
"It is, and she is. Now don't start trying to make things happen, before I'm ready. Let me introduce you to her first."
"Okay. I promise."
The doctor speaks softly. "Do you mind if we pray before we take her into the operating room?"
I shake my head as Matthew says, “please do.” The prayer chokes me up further, and as we watch her being wheeled away, my stomach drops, my heart pounds, and I hope for once my anxiety is for nothing.
* * *
K: How are you holding up?
A: Okay, they said it could be a few hours, and we're moving into hour three. If I wasn't nervous, I think something would be wrong with me. I can't wait to get this over with.
K: How is your stepdad?
A: He's gone to get his fourth cup of coffee. He's going to be wired when we leave here, but I think he can't stand to sit here and wonder how she's doing. I just keep imagining how I would deal with this if it were you on the operating table.
K: Why are you torturing yourself like that? Besides, that's your mom, I know seeing her in that bed was hard.
Ikick out my legs, my fingers twitching as I'm trying to decide if I want to admit what I'm feeling to her. It's hard putting myself out there. It's hard being honest, but if there's one thing I've learned with Mom being diagnosed, it's that maybe we don't have our entire lives to build relationships. Maybe we should trust our guts and let whatever will be, be.
A: It was, but I honestly think seeing you there would be harder. You're becoming a very important person to me, Kara, and I'm getting attached. It might be a little early to hear that, but I wanna be honest. If there's anything I've learned the past couple weeks, it's that we need to tell people how much they mean to us.
She's quiet and there aren't any indications that she's typing. I'm wondering now if I should've said anything. But just when I'm ready to give up, I see the three little bubbles.
K: You mean a lot to me too, Abel. You have for a while. I'm stubborn, but Halloween changed things for me. I've never told a man I love him before, and do I know that I'm there with you yet? No, because I don't really know how that looks in the grand scheme of things. What I do know is I'm happy when I'm with you, I love when I get to hear from you throughout the day, and I want to be around you any time I can.
The tightness in my chest lessens, and I'm no longer afraid that I've stuck my foot in my mouth on this. My thumbs can't type fast enough.
A: All of this for me, too. I'm shy when it comes to expressing my feelings because of how I grew up, and I've always been scared to let people know how much they mean to me. But you? You mean a lot. You mean everything. I've spent the last year of my life getting to know you in ways I've not ever gotten to know any other women I've dated or spent time with. I'm willing to put in the work, but I want you to know, I'm not in this for the short-term. My dream has always been to get married and have a family. Have the type of stability I always wanted as a kid. Is that okay with you?
K: That's perfectly okay with me. I'm excited to do this with you.
