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"Olivia?It'sme."
My heart flutters in relief as I open the door. It's late, and he has yet to sleep. His puffy eyes don't detract from his impossible sexiness. It somehow manages to look better than when he left.
Mia, Matt, and Lex–the new inseparable trio–are nowhere to be found. I presume they're drunk, having a threesome in Mia's bed. Tomas follows me back into my room, shutting the door softly and setting down a small bag of toiletries and clothes.
"I should've just fucking stayed." He scratches his stubble.
"It's not your fault I passed out. I don't blame you for leaving." He kicks off his shoes and socks. My heart pangs when I look down at his bare feet, as if the gesture is a glimpse into our lives three years from now, still together. He embraces me, hands bunched around my waist, then brings them to my cheeks.
"Hey. You know I won't let Nathan get to you, right? If he comes after you physically or otherwise, I'll fucking kill him myself." He tips my jaw up to look at him.
"What about tenure?"
"Fuck tenure." He shrugs as he smooths a hair from my face.
"Fuck tenure?You've been working towards this since you got here, maybe even before." I try to reason, emotion spilling over.
"It doesn't matter. It isn't the most important thing anymore. It never should have been the most important thing in my life in the first place," he says, pulling me closer.
I don't need to ask. The truth glimmers wildly in his chocolate eyes. “Tomas, I—" I stammer, then snap my mouth shut. There's no way to sugarcoat the truth. "What happened to playing with fire, DeLuca?" I say.
"I'm burnt. To a crisp, actually." His voice is so tender it hurts, ripping my new and old wounds wide open.
"What happened to needing to behave?" There has to besomethingto bring logic back into the equation.
"I don't care anymore, Olivia. I want you. I want to keep you safe. I want you to turn to me for the things you want and need. Not just physically, but mentally.Emotionally. And I want the things thatyouwant and need, not the things othersthinkyou do."
There's a loud voice shouting at me in my head, begging me to listen to my logical lizard brain. I know if I don't put myself out there, I can't get hurt. If I just be what he wants me to be, I won't disappoint him. I could love him. I know that. This was never supposed to be that. I think my parents could overlook a casual fling, even if it is with a professor. DeLuca's right though. In the end, someone is always disappointed when things come to a head.
I don't have the chance to respond before his mouth slowly meets mine. It's not a desperate kiss like the ones we've shared, full of frenzied passion. It contains my hesitation, all the things I want to do, want to say, but don't have the balls to. When I try to push the thoughts down, they resurface, nagging until I can't ignore them on the tip of my tongue.
"Tomas, I don't think I can do this."
He stops. "Do what?"
"This." I point between me and him. "You're asking for more than this was ever supposed to be."
His eyes snap up to meet mine, obvious hurt swimming in them. "Supposed to be? What was thissupposedto be, Olivia? Unlike you, I didn't get a fucking syllabus at the beginning of the semester."
I wince. "This was just supposed to be a rebound fuck. I don't know if I'm ready for more beyond that."
He laughs sardonically. "That's all, huh?"
I nod. "Tomas, I'm a college freshman. You're sixteen fucking years older than me."
He growls. "Olivia, I don't fucking care. How many times do I have to tell you that you're going to disappoint someone, no matter what? Just do whatyouwant to do. Everyone, including you, are adults here."
"The only goal I had going into whatever this is, was to know how it feels to have another person make me come instead of myself, to know what it feels like for a partner to putmefirst. Just once."
By the time I finish, I'm practically panting. I close my eyes and cup his face, his expression guarded. "I don't know if I want a relationship, but I like spending time with you, Tomas. I really do. I didn't think this was going to be easy, but I also didn't think it would be this hard."
His demeanor shifts to something darker, excitement and trepidation coursing through me as I watch him morph before my eyes.
"By all means, Miss Hamilton, I can certainly help you with thatdilemma,” he snarls.
He moves to close the distance between us.
"Did the rebound fuck live up to your expectations? Iknowit did,” he seethes.
