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“My life didn’t stop because you left.”
But that would be crazy, right?
Why would Hollis be feeling depressed on that specific day if it wasn't directly tied to me? To us.To that night. She's mentioned it a few times. And on top of everything else she's been not-so-subtly throwing at me, I can't help but think that the only reason she'd be feeling that way is because—just maybe—she felt the same way I did.
And she feels as though I didn't just leave her, but I had abandoned her all together. I broke her.
God, do I fucking hope that isn't the case. Because then that would mean that this whole thing is a lot bigger than I ever thought and I'd have a lot of fixing to do. It would also mean that I went through hell for no reason, she was mine to take, and she wanted me too.
But that’s a far stretch, isn’t it? Why would she work so hard to forget about me if she wanted the same thing I did all along?
I shake my head of the thoughts, knowing that I have to finish this conversation with Hollis or I’ll never know the truth.
Liam is nursing his beer and I contemplate telling him he needs to break up with Hollis. I’m afraid she has too big of a heart to be the one to sever the tie, but I also don’t want to take credit from her, because I know she’s a lot stronger than she was when I knew her before. But if she doesn’t end things with Liam, I don’t know what I’ll do.
“Do me a favor,” I say.
“Why?” He gives me a questionable look.
“I’d say you fucking owe me; don’t you think?” I drink the last of my beer, swallowing hard to push down the urge to hit this guy in his face. For all of the reasons and none at all.
“What’s the favor?”
“You know you’re not right for each other. But I don’t want to make you take that decision away from her. So when she decides to talk to you, you need to do everything in your power to be fucking honest with her about your feelings. Don’t be fucking selfish with her, Liam. And don’t you dare think about love bombing her either. Because I will kick your fucking ass if you even think about it.” I pull my wallet out and leave some money on the bar to pay for my drinks.
“Are you really threa-” I slap my palm down on his shoulder.
This needs to go my way if I have even the slightest chance of doing right by Hollis, no matter what I may think is right or wrong.
“Just…prove her right, dude. Show her that you really did fucking change. She deserves that.” I turn to leave, feeling somewhat better about what I found out but knowing that I'm going to have to do a lot more if I want to actually fix whatever pain I’ve caused in Hollis. Especially if it lasted that fucking long.
“You’re right you know,” Liam hollers, stopping me in my tracks.
I keep my back to him and allow the slow thud of my heart to kick up a few notches.
“About what?” I ask, nervous about what he’s going to say.
“About us not being right for each other. I was never going to be able to fill your shoes.”
eleven
Jax
ELEVEN YEARS AGO
Jaelynniswhisperingsomethingin Hollis’s ear as I stand up from the circle. Everyone is too busy talking to each other to notice how nervous she looks as she bites her bottom lip, but I notice it.
I texted her and told her we can pretend to do what people are supposed to do in that stupid closet. And she agreed.
I mean, we’re both no stranger to the judgments of other kids and with her entering high school in a few months and me leaving tomorrow, I won’t be able to protect her from the shitty kids who will make fun of her for being a prude, as they call it, if she refused to enter the closet.
She needs a different friend because Jae is going to be a bad influence on her, I can tell by the simple fact that she made her play this dumb game.
As I toss my water bottle to my friend, I look around the circle and see that there’s only one other guy here who’s her age and I doubt she’d rather be in the closet with him. So, I’m glad it was me because I don’t doubt that these other assholes wouldn’t take advantage of her.
At least she knows she's safe with me.
But it’s not her I’m worried about right now.
