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But now I have to figure out what I’m going to do about Jax. Or if I’m going to do anything at all.
We said a lot more than we should have to each other the other day and I don’t love that every time we talk, it’s to argue. I also don’t like that I practically threw my relationship in his face when I’m sure he could see right through me the whole time. He always could.
Girl, about time! We should get drinks soon!
I read the text message from Jae as I hear the sound of a door closing coming from across the street.
“Great,” I whisper to myself as I get up and dust myself off. How the fuck am I supposed to have any time to myself to turn over even a single thought on the situation I’m in when the fucking devil himself keeps popping up when I least expect him to?
Jax is walking out of his mom’s house and down to his bike.How the fuck did I not see that there?
I turn to head back up to my house, but he stops me.
“Hollis, wait.” I hear him cross the street, jogging toward me and it takes everything in me to be civil enough to turn around to face him.
“How much of that did you hear?” I ask him, believing he had to have heard or seen some part of the interaction with Liam.
“I didn’t hear anything, Hollis. But I did see him leave. Are you okay?” He reaches out to touch my elbow and the stronger part of me flinches before he lands contact.
“Cut that crap, Jax. I want you to know that just because Liam and I broke up, doesn’t mean anything between you and me.” I stuff my phone in my back pocket and ready myself for another argument with him because that’s all we seem to do when we talk.
I don’t know why I react this way, when I could attempt to force myself to be civil and have an actual conversation with him. But this is what happens when Jax is near. I panic, I don’t know what I want or what I need. I feel powerless to him and I hate it so much that my instinct to fight takes over.
“Why would it mean anything? We were just friends, right?” He shrugs his shoulders as if it’s so damn easy for him to accept that I hate him. Which I kind of do.
“What do you want from me?” I ask.
“Hollis, I need you to stop being so hardheaded and stubborn and tell me what the fuck I did.”
“Of course, you’ve had all this time, and you still haven’t figured it out,” I respond, not intending to be snarky. I can’t help it around him.
“Not this shit again.” He rolls his eyes and it really fucking pisses me off.
How can I go from an understanding conversation with Liam to this circle of never-ending arguments with Jax?
“Ever think that maybe I don’t want to tell you what you did wrong?” I remark rudely.
“Well, thanks for confirming I actuallydidsomething wrong. Why don’t you wanna tell me?” He takes a step closer to me and I step back. I normally don’t back down, but I really don’t want him any closer to me than he has to be.
My body can’t take it.
“Because then you’d just give me some kind of fake ass apology to try and get me to forgive you,” I state though I know deep down that Jax wouldn’t be so stupid. He’s never been less than sincere with me, but that was when we knew each other.
“That’s rather childish of you, Hollis.” I know he doesn’t say it with the intention of striking anger. I know I’m strong enough to ignore it.
But it brings me back to that time, and all I hear is rejection because he thinks I’m a fucking child and I just snap.
I lean into my body, stepping forward and pushing my palms as hard as I can into his chest, pushing him backwards and causing him to stumble.
“What the fuck!” he yells and before I even have time to gather my senses and realize that I shouldn’t have done that, Jax has me flipped around so that my back is flush to him and my hands are bound behind my back by one of his, and he pushes me forward so that my front is against the garage.
“What the fuck was that for?” he demands, and he squeezes my wrists together.
“Get the hell off me. I didn’t mean to push you like that.” I struggle to get free, but I know I fucking deserve this. What the fuck was I thinking pushing him?
But something weird is taking over my body, I don’t feel threatened or in danger.
I feel…excitement.
