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So here I wait…at the bar.
Two beers.
Three beers.
The fourth is just dropped in front of me as my brother finally decides he's good enough to show his face. Lucky for him, I’m already a little buzzed and talking about my drama is going to be a little bit easier now that it’ll somewhat flow out of me, unedited and unfiltered.
Good thing? Bad thing?
Who fucking cares at this point.
“I see you’ve been busy,” he remarks as he pulls out the chair next to mine.
“Had to do something to keep myself busy from thinking that you stood me up,” I deadpan as I swallow down a gulp of the amber liquid.
“I’m only fifteen minutes late, bro. Calm down. Had to help mom prepare for the dinner we’re having in two hours.” He speaks to me as if reminding me, likeI'mthe younger brother.
Trust me. I didn’t forget. I just don’t think I’m going to make it.
Sure, the idea of not seeing Hollis makes my gut twist into a knot because I’ve been so hell-bent over this girl that I’ve been actually looking forward to this for the first time in a very long time. But she’s ignoring me, remember? And if she can do it, so can I.
Also, the last thing I need is for mom to bring up finances at all at this dinner. It would be embarrassing for both of us. More so her than me, but it would probably start unnecessary fires that needn’t be started. Fires that I don’t want to put out.
“So, what did you want to talk about?” Ky signals the bartender for a fucking lemonade, and I almost choke on my drink when he does.
Of course. He had to help mom with dinner, and he doesn’t drink hardly ever. No wonder he’s the favorite.
“I just wanted to pick your brain on the situation with mom.” I take the last sip from my beer and nod for another.
I can see Kylan shake his head as he asks me what I’m talking about, and I stare at the football game on the television for a second before I answer.
“The money stuff. You know, what she asked me at lunch that day. I just-” I lay my head down into my hands for a second, resting on the table to think about what I’m even trying to say. “I wanna know what you think. I know we don’t have the best of relationships, but I know you hated sitting there for that conversation just as much as I did. I’m really struggling to even see the light at the end of the tunnel, so to speak, when it comes to trying with Mom. I mean, did you really buy all that bullshit with the back problems and the work? I’d never heard her talk about having trouble like that ever. Granted, she seems to only talk to me now if she wants money. She called me again yesterday to ask for more. I gave her ten grand, Ky. That’s like five months’ worth of rent spent in a month and half. And why does she insist on taking advantage of me like that if she can’t even pretend to like me as her son.” My mouth hurts from talking, my brain feels like it’s running on a spin cycle in the washing machine.
The beers definitely took over with that one. Gratefully, I didn’t slur any words but I’m sure I sounded like the Roadrunner in word form. He looks a little overwhelmed. And I don’t blame him. Why did I let myself take it this far? I haven’t drank this much since Hollis told me to leave her in her driveway and it had obviously become so much of a problem that the boys needed to intervene between me and my love for drowning my sorrows at the bar. I never used to drink so much in Colorado. I guess I never needed a reason to hide behind the buzz.
My little brother takes a sip of his kiddie drink before taking a deep sigh.
“Listen, I don’t really know if it’s my business to answer those questions about mom. I just, I don’t want to be in the middle of it. But I can tell you that she did talk about you when you were gone. And…” he trails off. Giving himself a second as he also looks up at the game.
“And what?” I ask, curious as to what he’s going to say.
“I don’t know, Jax. Not everything is as it seems. I don’t think Mom had much of a choice in the matter.” Kylan gives me a look that is begging for me to not ask him to explain any further, to just accept what he’s telling me and to move on.
Ha.
He doesn’t know me very well.
“Explain.”
“Bro, I can’t. It’s literally not my place,” he says, and I can tell he’s not happy that he decided to come here but there’s also a look of defeat on his face.
“Not an option, Kylan. You don’t get to be all cryptic and not expect me to dig. This isn’t your life she’s toying with, it’s mine.” I seethe as quietly as I can. I’m already five beers in, I don’t want to cause a big scene.
“Dude, just drop it.” His tone is starting to sound a little annoyed and a little too loud for my liking.
Kylan has always been a respectful, somewhat quiet, but very polite person. He lets loose only sometimes, and I’ve never really known him to get into trouble. I know he went through a lot in the military, and I know that we don’t know much else about each other except that we both went off to do different things. But I never pegged him as a dumbass. Who the fuck drops ten grand into their parents’ bank account and doesn’t so much as ask for an explanation—or a payback, might I add—and then is expected to not ask questions? I know my mom would never be straight up with me, but after the way Ky tries to get me to forget about the subject entirely, I know there’s more to the story than what I got.
“Kylan, just fucking tell me. You know I’m going to get the answer one way or another and I would hope that you know that this is the easiest way. If I have to pry the answer out of someone, it’s not gonna be pretty,” I threaten. And I mean, it’s not too out of character. I don’t have a problem taking what I want, per se. But I also know that he’s going to give me what I want if I push a little harder.
