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“Hollis, I don’t fucking know.” He runs his hands through his messy, blonde hair. It’s longer than I’m used to and I can’t help but admire the allure it gives him.
“That’s not an answer,” I demand. I let go of the steering wheel and lay my hands in my lap.
“You ignored me this morning,” he says, and my eyes shoot him a look that saysexcuse me? as I unclip my seatbelt and turn slightly in my seat to look at him. “And all day yesterday.”
“I didn’t even get a text from you this morning,” I tell him, purposefully ignoring his mention of yesterday because I already know I fucked that up. But I think about when the last time I checked my phone was. I know I only used it to text my mom that I was on my way to her house this morning, but I hadn’t seen it since.
I look around in my car’s center console and that’s when I notice the charging cord hanging off to the side and slithering down the ground.
“I texted you this morning, and you never responded.” He looks at me and his eyes are red and sleepy. I almost feel bad for him. But I won’t right now.
I yank on the cord to bring it toward me and it feels heavy, so I know my phone is attached to it.
“I didn’t see that. I was busy helping my family all morning for a dinner that you fucking ruined.” His face drops and his body slumps a little into the seat.
I grab my phone and I think he realizes just as I do that it’s been sitting in my car all day long.
He doesn’t respond to my answer though which only irritates me more.
“So, this is my fault?” I accuse him of blaming me for his actions.
“No, that’s not what I’m saying,” he turns to me again and puts his hands up between us. “But after not hearing from you for two days and then the shit with my mom. It was just too much.”
“Speaking of, let’s talk about what the fuck you just pulled in my family's home, Jax. What the hell was that?”
“I’m so fucking stupid for that. I had been pissed the whole day thinking about you changing your mind about us and then Kylan told me that she’s in debt. I don’t know why but I lost it because she lied and said she couldn’t work due to back problems. I gave her ten thousand fucking dollars, Hollis. And then she asked for more. You know my mom didn’t want me to leave for my dad’s.”
“Her and I both,” I whisper unintendedly.
He sighs.
“Her reason was different. I couldn’t stand the fact that I let her take advantage of me like that. So, between her and you, I just kind of snapped.”
I turn back to the steering wheel and rest my head on it.
“Listen, I’m sorry you’re going through it right now, Jax. But this kind of behavior from you is not okay. I know I should have texted you back yesterday but I just kind of let it slip my mind. I had stuff going on and I don’t know, I guess I’m not used to talking to you every day. But you can’t act like a child when something doesn't go your way.”
He unbuckles his seatbelt and I turn my attention back to him.
“We were doing so well all week, Hollis. I guess I can say now more than ever that I felt just a tiny fraction of what you did the day I left for college. It doesn’t feel good, so I understand. But I let myself overthink.”
The space in the car feels like it’s suffocating both of us. Tension zaps through the air in various different forms and I hate that this is where the night led us.
“You asked me for communication, and I didn’t provide that to you this weekend. I’m sorry. But you can’t be the exception to your own ask, Jaxon. We have to work on this together.”
“Is it triggering?” He lowers his tone and makes sure his words are clear.
“What?” I ask in shock.
“Your triggers. My behavior. Us talking. Ever since you told me that you might have random triggers, I worry that everything I do might set off the bullet.” He scrubs a hand down his face.
“You can’t think like that. I don’t even know what they might be, but I can tell you that stunts like tonight make me really fucking angry to be around you.” My admission makes him wince which in turn makes me hurt a little. “But you shouldn’t assume everything is a trigger.”
Silence pulls on us for a few seconds before he brings up the most uncomfortable topic of this whole conversation.
“You smacked me.” Now it’s my turn to wince. Or more so cringe. What the fuck was I thinking when I did that?
I just needed to get his attention and he was acting like an ass but it’s no excuse.
