AllFreeNovel
Share Us
I reach for his hand and let my fingers twine with his.
“I know. I’m really fucking sorry about that, Jax it was just reflex and-”
“It was kind of hot.” Jax smirks so handsomely that it looks almost sinister. He really can’t tell me that he enjoyed getting slapped across the face by me.
“You need to go to sleep,” I quip and remove my hand from his, trying not to laugh at his stupidity. But butterflies present themselves again when he looks at me like that.
Hooded eyes and a crooked smile; his hair a mess and his tone husky.
“Do you want to come up?” He dares to ask me.
“Absolutely the fuck not. You need to sober the hell up and maybe we can try again tomorrow,” I tell him, patting him on the shoulder and his smile drops.
“I’m sorry for ruining dinner.” His apology settles between both of us and I can hear the sincerity in his voice.
“I waited for you, Jax. I hated feeling like I wasn’t going to see you again. I think that’s the trigger.” That truth sits heavy between us for a beat.
Something that might be blatantly obvious considering how this all started, but I never really let it sink in until just now. Though I can recognize that I hate feeling like I won’t see him again. Work and friends and family stuff, that’s all one thing. When it has to do with us in the context of our relationship, it’s another. Even when I told him to leave, it felt like ripping myself in half to even say it. Having Jax in my life is important to me. It has been from the beginning, and I don’t want that to change.
“I won’t do it again.” He searches my face for eye contact. I give it to him, and I can feel how much he means it. “But I also think I have a trigger, Hollis. It’s feeling like you might stop talking to me again. It was too much for me, and I just let it get the best of me. I’m sorry I took it that far. My intention wasn’t to disrespect your family or to humiliate you.”
I know neither of us intend to hurt each other in any way. And part of what we need from each other has to require understanding of what makes each other break and what makes us work.
I lean over and kiss him on his cheek, but he catches me off guard as his face turns slightly and our lips connect instead. I taste the Blue Moon on his lips and despite the dumb ass stunt he pulled tonight, I allow our lips to melt together for just a moment. Fire burns inside me for how much I want him. I can see his eyes light up the same when I pull away.
“Get some sleep. And whatever you do, do not talk to your mom right now. Or anyone. Let my parents handle it and we’ll figure the rest out later.”
It’s important that he rest his mind tonight. He’s taken a mental beating today and sex will only distract him from the situation even if I did want to join him in his room. Though it would be a good distraction.
“I don’t know what I’d do without you,” he tells me as he opens the car door to leave.
“Well, hopefully, you won’t ever have to find out.”
thirty-three
Jax
Myheadispounding.Everything feels sore as I pull myself out of bed. I feel sluggish and dizzy making my way to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and undress while I wait for the water to heat up, realizing that I smell of beer and stupidity. I usually don’t get too drunk off just beer. But I think in the time that I had drank them all, I didn’t give myself enough of a break to let it settle the way it usually does. And even though it took me an hour to walk to Hollis’ place after the bar, I was too angry to let myself get sober.
But last night replays in my head on a loop as I lean against the counter and let the steam fill up the space around me.
I was such an asshole. I can’t believe I walked into someone else’s home, guns blazing and caused a scene like that in front of everyone.
In front of Hollis.
It barely even registers that she smacked me last night, but as much as it shocked the hell out of me, I deserved it tenfold and I’m so fucking proud of her for making that decision. Who knows what else I would have done if she didn’t take me away from that moment.
I jump in the shower and let everything play out in slow motion. Not to torture myself, but to remember what was said and how everyone reacted. I have a lot of making up to do, a lot of explaining. And I need to apologize to the Mendoza’s first. What I did was completely uncalled for.
I wash my body and try to get rid of the shame and embarrassment I’ve caused myself. And I think of how Hollis must feel. She didn’t need to see me like that. And then I invited her to stay with me after she took my drunk ass home, which she didn’t need to do in the first place.
Drinking is my go-to when shit doesn’t go the way I want it to. I guess it’s my out, and it’s a cop out if I’m being honest. I don’t really like to deal with shit head on. But when it comes to Hollis, I know I need to get it together.
I finish cleaning myself in the shower and jump out to get dressed for the day. I text Cody to see if he needs me in the shop and he gave me the okay to skip. I wonder if they heard about my escapades from last night and I hate the way that feels.
I opt to go for a run to the gym and take out some of my leftover aggression on the weights.
Once I get there, I head straight to the leg press when I see it’s open. I plug in my headphones and let the music work its way through my body as I rip through some leg pumps. When I feel enough of a burn, I head to the pullup bar.
