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“Izzy, what’s going on?”
I finally lift my head back up and see that Matt’s gone. Staring back at both of my friends, their faces are frozen with worried looks.
“God, I can’t even explain this right, because you guys don’t know.”
“What don’t we know?”
Reaching up again, I run my palms over my face, fighting back tears. Why am I on the verge of crying? I was the one who called off whatever it was we could be starting.
Cindy reaches over and grabs my hand, her voice soft and tender. “Hey, it’s okay. Whatever’s going on, you can tell us.”
“Yeah, Izzy.” Veronica grabs my other hand. “We’re best friends. It’s all good. No judgments. No anything.”
She gives me a deep, heartfelt smile and I can’t do anything but smile back. These two are my best friends. I have to get this off my chest and unload everything. I don’t want to betray Matt’s trust, but I’m going to go crazy if I don’t explain and vent to someone. Taking a deep breath, my eyes bounce between both of them, and I start at the top.
How I saw him when he won the cosplay contest, and he pleaded with me to keep it a secret. Our little flirty quips back and forth, then the assignment in sociology and when I went over to his house. How amazing that kiss was, but afterward I knew he didn’t want people to know the real him. Then I finally get to how he was still whispering in my ear today and how much I struggled to not just swing around and eat his face again, but I forced myself to remember he didn’t want people to know he’s a nerd. I end with the conversation we had after class.
They both stare at me, and I only know they’re still breathing and not frozen because they each blink.
“Oh. My. God.” Veronica breaks the silence, and I shush her to keep her voice down. “President McHottie is a nerd,” she whispers loudly. No one hears, but I still looked around nervously.
“Seriously, you guys can’t say anything. I mean it. I promised him I wouldn’t tell.”
“His secret’s safe,” Cindy says with a devilish grin. “That just sounds dirty. Keeping a secret for him. I love this.”
“I can’t believe it!” Veronica is bouncing in her seat. “He’s a nerd. No, not a nerd. He’s more than a nerd. He’s a fanboy. He’s a mega fanboy!” She gasps in a way that I know a terrible idea just hit her. “He’s Hottie McFanboy!”
“V!” I shush her again.
“Okay, sorry, sorry.”
“You guys are missing the point here.”
“Which is how hot that kiss was, right?” Cindy wiggles her eyebrows at me. “Come on, Izzy. We need a rating. On a scale of one to ten?”
“Twenty.” My eyes pop open as I slap a hand to my mouth. “I didn’t mean that.”
“Yes, you did,” Veronica teases.
“Whatever,” I groan. “Seriously, I did have a point in all this. You guys, if how he was acting today means anything, he wants to go out. Or hook up. Or something. And I basically killed it dead!”
My hands are back to my head, drilling my thumbs into my temples.
“Okay, okay.” Cindy taps the table. “Let’s all just calm down here. Izzy, take a drink.”
“What?”
“Drink something. I’m afraid you’re gonna pass out.”
I grab my soda, frantically unscrewing the lid and taking a huge gulp.
“Better?” she asks.
I nod my head, yes, but my insides scream no.
“Okay, the way I see it, the ball’s in your court.”
“How?”
“Because you ended it today. So, you can pick it right back up if you want to.”
“I guess.”
Veronica finally gets over her giggle fit with Matt’s new nickname and reaches over for my hand. “What do you want?”
“I don’t know,” I groan out in defeat. “It’d be awesome if he was as comfortable about everything he likes as we are, you know? But he’s not. I don’t think …” The words get stuck in my throat. Not because I don’t know what they are, but because I’m afraid to say them. I’ve been thinking it, but I’ve yet to say it out loud. “I don’t think I can be with someone who’s afraid to be who they really are.”
My words seem to deflate all the excitement and teasing they both were just enjoying. They flash one another a concerned look. Now we all wear defeated faces.
