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Chapter 17
Izzy
The rest of the week goes by, and Matt looks about as comfortable as I feel. To his credit, he’s straight to the point when we meet up in the library after school and go over the rest of the packet for sociology. Even though I’m the one who put a stop to everything before it even started, I still find his lips as he reads over his packet. But when his eyes lift from the desk, I immediately look back down to the table. When I look back up, a small smirk comes over his lips.
As much as my mind debates whether or not to indulge in whatever this is between us, it still returns to the catalyst that started our connection; the cosplay contest. He looked terrified and asked me not to say anything. Then, when I got back to school, he was still freaked out about me telling someone.
“So, I guess that’s it,” Matt says behind me as we leave the library.
“Yeah, I guess so,” I answer as I keep walking to the parking lot.
“Come on, Izzy.” He stays in step with me, and I feel his eyes on me. “Are you really gonna pretend there’s nothing between us? That you don’t feel anything?”
“It doesn’t matter if I do or not.”
“What? Of course, it matters.”
Walking through the gates, I’m suddenly grateful I parked so close. Pulling out my keys, I unlock my door.
“No, Matt. It doesn’t.”
I’m about to open the door as Matt leans his hand on it. Looking up at him, it takes everything I have to not melt inside as I stare up at his hazel eyes. But I can’t hold the look long. Otherwise, I’ll probably want to pull him close and finish what we started in his room. I look back down at the door handle, my skin feeling like it’s on fire, and he puts a finger under my chin lifting my head up to meet his eyes.
“It does matter.” His leans down closer to me.
Biting my bottom lip, I can only just stare back at him and even if I could force myself to look away, I wouldn’t. I don’t want to. My hand leaves the door handle, and I raise it, putting it on his chest. Part of me believes this will keep a barrier between us, albeit a minimal one. But I really want to touch him again. He leans closer, and there’s no more fight left in my system. Yes, I wish he’d be as open and not care what anyone thinks, but at this exact moment, I want him to kiss me again.
“Yeah! Get it, Hillard!” someone yells behind us.
Matt flinches, looking over at the football field behind us, where the lacrosse team is practicing. As Matt looks behind, I see a couple players staring at us, before getting yelled at by their coach. The small distraction puts me back in control of my emotions.
“Sorry,” he says.
“It’s okay.” My response makes Matt lean close again, smiling. “You’re right, Matt.”
“Oh yeah?”
“Yes. I can’t lie and say I don’t feel anything.” His face lights up, but I know his smile’s about to vanish. “Kiss me.”
I don’t have to say it twice. He cups his hands to my cheeks. My entire body screams to let him kiss me. I watch his tongue glides across his bottom lip, as he leans closer and I draw in his scent. I’m not sure how, because I desperately want my lips on his, but just before they meet I bring my finger up and put it to his lips.
“Kiss me …” A sliver of confidence climbs up into my voice. “Right after you yell out how much you love Cowboy Bebop.”
Matt flinches. “Seriously?”
I don’t want to lose my nerve, so instead of talking, I just nod.
“Iz, why is this such a big deal for you?”
He’s still so close; I can feel the heat from his words on me. “It just is. I know who you are, and I like that person. I don’t want you to feel like you have to hide it.”
His gaze burrows into mine and I’m still begging on the inside for him to kiss me, but I know he won’t. The hesitation on his face tells me so. I take a step back and reach for my door handle.
“I’ll see you next week, Matt.” I slide into my car as he steps back.
There’s a small Avengers keychain that hangs from my rear-view mirror. It sways back and forth as I pull out of the parking lot and I think of Matt dressed up again. I flash a final look in the rear-view mirror, and Matt’s still standing where I left him. That small sliver of confidence I just had is gone. There’s nothing I can do to stop the tears falling down my cheeks.
I head straight to my room when I get home, my dad calling out his usual greeting from his office. I dry my eyes as much as I can, but I’m sure they’re still red. Throwing my bag on my bed, I sit at my desk and turn on my laptop. I open up the folder that has all my pictures and videos from my trip to New York, and I come across a picture of Matt in costume.
