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I can’t help the amused laugh that comes out. “I used to be so jealous that your manager had a list of girls for you.” The comment is enough to break through the despondent atmosphere. “Bro’s night at the award show? Sounds good.”
* * *
The Icon Awards are like the Academy Awards. The megastars in Hollywood gather to give each other awards for how great their movies are. While everyone gets dressed up for the event, it’s more fashionable than black tie tuxedoes and flowing dresses. They started about twenty years ago as kind of a rebel awards show. Filmmakers and actors who thought they weren’t being given a fair shot at the Oscars got fed up and threw their own party. In the years that have passed, it’s turned into a glamorous affair. I imagine in another twenty years, a small group will rebel against the Icons and form yet another award show.
But it is fun. Walking the red carpet, I try to stay in the background as reporters all talk to Adam. He’s nominated for best actor tonight, and the movie he’s in is nominated for five other awards. Occasionally, I’ll get roped into an interview when Adam calls me over, but for the most part, everyone is focused on the actors who are up for awards. It’s a little freeing to be honest.
Once we get inside, we find out seats, and the show begins. Even though we’re surrounded by the Hollywood elite, it’s nice to sit back and relax, knowing no one is watching me for any particular reason. We’re sitting close to the stage with a lot of the other big names up for awards.
When Adam’s category rolls around, I glance over at him and wiggle my eyebrows. He tries to play it off, but I think I see him tense up a little. As the presenters introduce the video package for the nominees, I watch as the different film clips roll. When it’s over, the presenters approach the microphone, holding a small white envelope.
“And the winner for best actor in a feature film goes to …” She tears open the envelope, and then smiles at the audience. “Adam Coleman.”
I start shaking his arm while the audience around us cheers. “All right, man!”
A few other actors congratulate him on his way up to the stage, and the presenter hands him his award, which is in the shape of a crystal ball. In the center of the ball is a large diamond that sparkles.
“Thank you,” Adam tells everyone, flattening out his tuxedo shirt quickly, then staring at the award. “Wow, this … this is amazing.” He scans the crowd, smiling the million-dollar Hollywood smile he’s known for. “I’d like to thank Francisco Laredo first, for directing an incredible picture. You’re the best, Cisco. Thanks to everyone who worked on the film; stagehands to production assistants, and of course, my incredible co-stars. Thank you. You all are some of the best people I know.”
Gazing at the award once more, a small, incredulous chuckle floats out. He’s about to continue when he looks over and sees me. I smile, nodding enthusiastically, expecting some more thanks before he gets off of the stage.
“Some of the best people,” he says again, but it’s more to himself than to us in the audience. His eyes stay on me, and though he smiles, it seems tempered. “People can be strange. You never really know the real person. And they don’t always know the real you. Once they find out …”
He takes a breath, staring aimlessly at the microphone in front of him. Confusion comes over me because it doesn’t sound like an acceptance speech anymore.
“I can’t believe I’m doing this,” he whispers to himself. Unfortunately, the microphone picks it up. I look around, seeing most of the crowd around us confused as to what’s going on.
“Um, I want to thank one of my best friends, Maddox Barkley. A lot of you guys know him as the King of Bad.”
I gaze at him, completely flabbergasted at what’s happening.
“You know, this award is amazing. And I love what I do. Pretending to be these characters is fantastic. But I think it was Marylin Monroe who once said fame is like caviar; it’s good but not for every meal. I love making movies, but … it’s not the end all be all.”
Holy crap.Is he doing what I think he’s going to do? I’m both amazed and horrified at the same time. What if he’s right and it ruins everything? Then again, what if I’m right and it’s all okay? Pride begins to swell within watching my friend find the courage.
“I have one more person I need to thank. To my Jules, Julian. I know I’m not perfect and I haven’t been the best boyfriend to you, but you have been to me. You’ve stayed by my side while I’ve cowered in the corner for fear of what might happen. I haven’t told you this yet, and it’s probably bad form to do it like this, but I love you.”
His eyes widen as if he surprised himself that he said it out loud. Taking one more beat, he looks out among his colleagues.
“I’ve been worried about coming out for years because I always feared what might happen. Fear of judgment or being shunned. But if this is the last role I’ll ever have, I’m good with that. And if I have to choose between being a character in a movie, or myself in life, I choose myself. You’re my anchor, Julian. Thank you. And thank you all tonight.”
Prodigious applause erupts from everyone in the crowd, and they all get to their feet. I follow suit and watch as everyone cheers, others reach out to him while he walks back to his seat, and the clapping continues.
All I can think about is how he had the courage— No, let’s just call it what it is, he had the balls to do what he just did, and I’m still sitting on my ass, not trying to right the course of my own life.
Getting back to his seat, I give him another hug. “You’re amazing.”
“Thanks,” he says with a laugh.
“I have to go.”
He nods with a huge grin. “I know.”
I rush out of the auditorium while the clapping begins to die down, and hurry out to the street. We took a limousine to the event, so there’s no parking area I can run to. Getting outside of the building, I find photographers, fans, and taxis all lining the streets. I hurry to one of the cabs and jump in, telling him to drive to Luxe.
I don’t know what I’m going to do or if Cece’s going to scream and kick me out. I’m not even sure I’ll be allowed in the club. She might have me on some kind of blacklist, barring me from entry. Regardless, after everything Adam just did, not only having the courage but inspiring it within me, I have to do this. I have to get to Cece and tell her the truth. I’ll hate myself and always wonder “what if” if I don’t.
Getting to the club, I practically run through the building and impatiently wait for the elevator to make its way up. It’s already the set time I’d usually be performing my first show, and as I get inside, I hurry past the crowd and the new DJ playing his music. Making my way up to Cece’s office, I don’t bother knocking and barge in.
