AllFreeNovel
Share Us
I close my eyes and remember the last day I spent on the beach. I imagine the cool grainy sand massaging my feet as I pad across the beach to the shoreline. The water is crisp, but refreshing against my skin. I sit down, toes in the water, ass in the sand, and look up at the cloudy blue sky. It’s a beautiful fall day, the wind breezing through my hair. I continue imagining my personal oasis, as I lace my fingers behind my head and imagine laying back on the cold, damp sand. Just as I drift deeper into my thought, Momma speaks up, startling me.
“Carly, are you planning to take a nap, right here, right now? My heavens child, I’m sure Savannah can show you to the guest room if you are that tired,” she sneers, as she sips her coffee. She has always been prim and proper, one quality that I despise. I stretch my arms toward the ceiling and inhale a deep breath, saddened by my surroundings. The clear ocean air is heaven, compared to that damn pumpkin scented candle that Savannah has burning. What the hell is it with her and pumpkin?
“No, Momma, I was just listening to you telling us about the Bahamas and got carried away with my imagination,” I add, rolling my eyes at her.
“I’m gonna lay Brailee down in her bed. Why don’t you two catch up? I’ll give you some time alone,” Savannah says, lifting a sleeping Brailee into her arms, and tiptoeing out of the room. The room falls silent as tension smothers me and Momma. She looks to me, then down at her coffee, scrunching her forehead. I bite my lip, then crack my knuckles.
“Oh heavens, you still crack your knuckles. I cringe at that sound. Your father taught you that nasty habit. I swear when you were little you were stuck to him like glue, always on his lap sipping his coffee, following right behind him wherever he went.” She shakes her head. “You know, I had to dress you in sweatpants and t-shirts instead of hairbows and frilly dresses for too long because you were always going to the mines with him. It’s a wonder you ever became a cheerleader and not a tomboy.” She laughs, then sips at her coffee.
“Momma, why did you and Daddy divorce? Why did you leave Savannah and me?” I spit out quickly. Momma’s face falls, and she huffs.
“Damn it, Carly, do we really have to go through this again? You’re a grown woman; you should understand by now that some people just aren’t meant to be together. In fact, isn’t that why you ran away because you couldn’t handle Colton Weston’s rejection?”
I straighten as my spine stiffens, and I take a deep breath and try to guard my voice from the scream that is dying to escape me. “Damn me? Damn you! You’re our momma, and you left us! Was your life so miserable, being married with two little girls, that as soon as you found your escape you ran away and left us behind? And yeah, I bolted when Colton and I broke up, but perhaps that’s the only damned thing I ever learned from you, was to run when life gets tough!” I can feel the heat in my face, as my blood boils and my temper flares. Momma’s face goes white, and she begins to gasp as if the breath has been sucked right from her. She stands and walks to the window, peeking out the glass while taking heavy breaths. I sit back and continue chewing on my lip. The tension between us is terrifying, and in this moment I debate fight or flight. I’ve already opened up this can of worms, and since she possibly holds the answer to my questions, I decide to fight. Just as I open my mouth to smart off again, Momma speaks up.
“Carly, you were young, and there are so many things that you don’t remember. You loved your daddy; he was your world. Lord, rest his soul. There is no sense in tarnishing your memory of John. I wish I could change the past, but I can’t. All I can do is be the Momma you deserve now.”
“Don’t give me that bullshit. I’m twenty-five, Momma! You walked away from us when I was just seven. What would make you think you would be welcomed back in open arms after only seeing me a few times over these last eighteen years? That’s not how this works. You missed the greatest moments of my childhood, teen years, and because of that you’ll miss my adult life.”
“Do you think I don’t hurt over everything that I missed in yours and Savannah’s lives? I do, and I hate myself for not being there each and every day. Did you ever consider that I wasn’t allowed to participate in your lives? There are two sides to every story, Carly. You better remember that, ” Momma says as tears fall down her cheeks.
“Was that the situation? Did Daddy keep you from us?” I’m so confused!
Momma wipes her cheeks with a Kleenex, stifling back the tears. “I’m not going to slander your father, Carly. But there is so much more to the story than you know.”
“Damn it, I need answers. Why is everyone so secretive in this family? Tell me! Screw scarring his good name. That ship has sailed. I know more than you think, but there are still so many damn holes in the story; I need the gaps filled in. I need the truth!”
Momma’s mouth drops, and she freezes at the window. She stares at me briefly, before turning to stare out the window at the snow kissing the ground. “You want honesty, young lady? Carly, your father did everything in his life for personal gain. He was a greedy, selfish bastard. He was a dishonest, unfaithful thief of life. Karma served him well.” Her voice is harsh and cold. I walk to her and slide my hand in hers. I look deep into her big brown eyes and slip two small words from my lips.
“Drew Varney.” She rips her hand from mine, suddenly, grasps her chest with one hand, and covers her mouth with the other. Her eyes are wide and fearful. “Momma, what’s wrong?” I ask, knowing the answer. That name haunts her as much as it does me.
“Where did you hear that name from, Carly?” she asks me, looking down at the floor.
“I found it on some paperwork in Daddy’s office. Just curious if you knew the connection between the two of them. Judging by your reaction, I would say you do. Now, I think you owe me some answers.”
“Carly, Savannah can’t know. She would die.”
“She won’t find out, Momma. Come on; let’s go to my house so we can talk privately. I need you to tell me everything.” I turn my back to her and leave the room. Momma hesitates, then follows behind me. Savannah meets us in the hall, and I give her a hug and thank her for dinner. Momma embraces her tight and tells her she will be back later.
We drive to my house in silence; the only noise filling the car is Momma’s foot tapping the floorboard. It’s annoying, but I know her nerves are shaken.
When we pull up the driveway, a slight whimper escapes her lips.
She hasn’t been to this house in eighteen years. I can only imagine the memories or nightmares that are flooding back. I grip her hand in mine and give it a light squeeze before shutting the engine off and getting out of the car.
Chapter 22
Carly
I walk inside my house and leave the front door open for Momma. She’s trying to gain her strength to come inside. I hang my keys by the door and kick off my shoes. I pad into the kitchen to get a water but decide Momma may need some liquid courage, so I grab a bottle of Jack and two tumblers from the cabinet. When I return to the living room, Momma is standing in the door looking around the room in shock.
“Momma, it’s okay. You can come inside. Close the door, and I’ll start a fire.” She does as I ask, but doesn’t say a word. Her cheeks are stained red from the silent tears she cried in the car ride here. She takes a seat on the couch, wrapping her arms tight around her waist. I sit beside her and place the Jack and tumblers on the coffee table in front of us.
“Drink?” I ask her, but she shakes her head from side to side.
“I hoped you girls would never know the kind of heartache that I know, thanks to your daddy. I loved him like something fierce, Carly. You have to believe that. But I wasn’t enough. He had just purchased the second mines and was so tired and stressed all the time. He began to push me away, and I let him.” Momma inhales a deep breath as she tries to steady her trembling hands. “He came home late at night drunk. He would crawl into bed smelling of whiskey and push himself on me. He used me like I was a piece of trash. I never rejected him. I tried to keep in mind that I was his wife, and he was just tired from working hard, building his empire,” she says, waving her hands around the room.
“Until he came home smelling of perfume. It hurt so bad to know that he could lay with another woman when he had me here at home, vying for his love and attention. I never mentioned the affair, but every Thursday night, he came home reeking of cheap Avon perfume. I wanted to leave him so badly, but my heart belonged to him.” Momma pinches her eyes shut and releases a small whimper. I slide closer to her and wrap my hand around her unsteady hand. She’s trembling uncontrollably. Anxiety creeps through my chest, but I take a deep breath and fight the urge to cry. She needs to tell her story. I asked for it, now I need to stand tall and deal with the consequences this knowledge will bring.
