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Chapter 14
Zander
Lilacs.
He now knew lilacs were her favorite flower. He knew that before the play started, she repeated a poem called “And Still I Rise” by Maya Angelou, her favorite poet, to remind her to stay brave. She loved Milky Way candy bars the best, and she was a sucker for a romantic comedy.
Zander Riley knew more about Rachel Winters than he ever thought possible in just a few weeks. And still, he wanted to know more. He wanted to be more for her.
He wanted her, all of her, and to be honest, it still sort of scared him.
Then again, it didn’t. When he met Rachel, he realized how sleepy his life was before her. The same old routines, the only thing bringing him a sense of joy was his work. But work shouldn’t be life, and he realized that after building up his career, he’d left so much building aside. He’d forgotten the power of having someone beside you, with you through the good and the bad. He’d forgotten what it was like to want to share your life with someone.
But Rachel had reminded him.
He hadn’t been sure at the beginning if he was ready, and Rachel was certainly unlike any girl he’d ever known. She was both kind and sassy, outgoing and quiet. She was this crazy concoction of all sorts of traits that somehow, when rolled together, created this beautiful, zany, yet also thoughtful woman who just seemed to get Zander.
No one understood him like her. No one pushed him like her.
And it was crazy because he hadn’t wanted to feel like this. He hadn’t been looking, hadn’t even been open to the possibility when she fell from the balcony and stuck herself to his heart without even knowing it.
Here he was, though, thinking about her, calling her, craving her even when they weren’t together. She’d consumed so much of him that he knew it was too late.
He was all in, whether he was ready or not. He would have to put the whole scenario with Sheila behind him. Rachel wasn’t Sheila. He’d been unlucky in that relationship, but things were different now. Rachel was different.
Rachel reminded him love didn’t always stop your dreams. In fact, sometimes the right person could incite you to chase your dreams more readily. She’d given him the contact information for the local theater group, something he’d been, in honesty, too afraid to pursue. He’d felt like it was foolish, like his ship for acting had sailed.
Rachel, though, made him feel differently. Suddenly, the paper passing from her hands to his, his eyes were opened to the possibility. He’d called and attended a meeting earlier this week. They’d put him on the stage immediately, casting him as a minor role in the production they were organizing to perform at local nursing homes and hospitals. The group focused on using theater to give back to the community, something Zander was on board with.
Being on the stage, it was like his dream had come back to life. He realized how much he’d missed that part of him. More importantly, thanks to Rachel, he realized his dream didn’t need to die. He had time to chase it. He had time to make new dreams.
She’d reminded him of his passion and most importantly, given him permission to pursue it.
Zander smiled to himself at the thought, rushing to the meeting spot. He’d seen Rachel plenty of times in the past few weeks, but every time, he still got those butterflies. He still got that rush when she stood before him.
And most of all, he still felt like every kiss they shared was the first stolen kiss. When their lips met, something magical happened. There was no denying the chemistry or the fact that from the moment they met, their hearts brought each other to life.
The play was letting out, Zander realized as the front doors to the theater gushed out a crowd of rowdy people. They look exhilarated by the experience, and Zander smiled at the prospect that good theater could do that. He smiled at the thought that Rachel had reminded him maybe someday, this would be his job. It wasn’t too late; she had proven that to him. He could still get everything he wanted. There was still time.
He walked through the doors, flowers in his hands, wondering if the ushers would give him a hard time. He’d told Rachel he would pick her up after her evening performance if she was up for it. He wanted to take her out for drinks at a small bar down the street that somehow managed to stay quaint in the middle of the city’s chaos. He loved the energy of the city, but sometimes he craved quiet and simple. He was thankful Rachel agreed.
He waited in the front of the theater, where Rachel had agreed to meet him. The time ticked by, and slowly their meeting time passed. He figured she was just busy, cleaning up or doing whatever they did after a performance. He was patient. He could wait.
He leaned on a wall, taking in the sight of the beautiful architecture, wondering what it would be like to call this his work. He let his mind wander for a while before his legs followed suit. The theater now empty, the staff was starting to clean up for the night. He ambled to the doors, craving a peek. No one seemed to mind, surprisingly, all perhaps too busy with their own tasks. He slipped open the door, feeling like a little bit of a rebel.
And, as he took in the sight at the front of the theater, that’s when his whole world changed. That was when his heart cracked into a million pieces and he realized sometimes things didn’t change at all. He studied the sight for several minutes, making sure he wasn’t mistaken.
In the pit of his stomach, though, a familiar feeling resurged. The lilacs crumpled to the floor, rage surging in his veins, as he did what he should’ve done from the start.
He walked out, forgetting all about this crazy love business and the thought of forever.
He’d be okay alone. He’d have to be. Because the alternative, well, it just didn’t ever work out for him.
