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Chapter 21
Rachel
After the final show on Friday, Rachel thought about just going home to her apartment and tucking in for the night like she would’ve a few months ago. Sometimes, Beatrice and Gigi would keep her company, ordering wine and sushi from the little restaurant down the street.
However, Gigi and Beatrice also had full social schedules, better social schedules than Rachel had, for sure. On those weekends when Gigi and Beatrice were off to some cocktail party or traveling, Rachel would stop at the Chinese restaurant on her way home. Some takeout containers her only company, she would usually spend the weekend running lines, watching some television, and maybe going out to get her nails done if she had time. Other than that, her Fridays were low-key, a time to recharge for the weekend shows ahead. Being on Broadway was both exhilarating and exhausting.
When Zander Riley had come into the picture, though, suddenly Rachel’s nights were different. They had been filled with random coffees and dinner or spontaneous drinks after the final curtain call. At the very least, they had involved phone calls or texts that made her smile.
She tried to shove the thoughts out of her mind, convincing herself it was fine. She didn’t need that in her life, after all. She’d made it this far without it. She would be fine.
She couldn’t deny, however, the prospect of going to her empty apartment that was starkly devoid of any life—and Zander Riley—was depressing somehow.
She’d made the right decision. She knew it was the best thing for both of them. Still, this past week had been unexpectedly hard.
She’d thought she’d put Zander Riley out of her mind and return to life before him. She’d focus on her career, find refuge in it in fact. She’d fall back into her easy routines. She’d return to a time when life as single was more than enough—it was everything she wanted.
It hadn’t been so easy. In the short time he’d been in her life, Zander had implanted himself so completely that it was hard to see her weeks without him now. She missed his goofy grin at her corny jokes. She missed their allusions to theater and how she could blab to him about her work and he was never bored of it. She missed hearing about Katie and Rocky and all of the other students Zander talked about.
She missed him, plain and simple.
When she returned to her apartment building, she looked up, thinking about the emptiness and the quietude of her apartment. It was suddenly depressing.
She made a quick decision, spinning on her heel and marching down the still-busy sidewalks by her apartment. It was, after all, the city that was always moving.
She wandered past clearly lost tourists and locals, hands in the pockets of her simple dress. She didn’t have anywhere in mind, any destination. She just needed to feel alive, feel something other than alone.
All around her, couples seemed to crop up from the ground. Laughing together, leaning on each other, giving each other looks that screamed love even to a stranger. Usually, Rachel was immune to these sights but not tonight.
Tonight, all of the googly-eyed couples were simply a reminder of all she’d lost, all she’d given up.
She found herself traveling toward the nearest Starbucks, deciding a decaf coffee sounded good. She needed something soothing, something warm to hold.
She ordered her coffee and, while she waited, pulled out her cell phone.
There were no text messages or phone calls. She sighed, wondering how it had gotten to this point.
How had she become the woman who was walking this world by herself? How did she become so independent that she forgot about the power of connection?
When the barista called her name, putting an extra “ee” sound on the end of her name because apparently the lady at the register had spelled her name wrong, Rachel grabbed her cup of coffee, found an empty table in the corner, and parked herself in the seat. She studied the phone, wondering if this was yet again a mistake.
But Rachel was so tired of wondering if she was making a mistake. She was exhausted from trying to reconcile what she probably should do with what she wanted to do. So for once, she stopped analyzing and rationalizing. She dialed the number she’d been wanting to dial all week. She threw caution to the wind and let her heart do the talking, praying it wasn’t too late.
This would be her moment. This could be the defining choice that changed everything, that set her life on a new path. For once, Rachel was convinced it would truly be a better path, even though she was still a little bit afraid.
She hadn’t known Zander for long, and maybe it was a little crazy. But the way he complemented her weaknesses, the way he supported her strengths, and the way he just made her want to be a better person—it seemed like exactly the sort of thing she could say yes to. Maybe for the long-term. Heck, maybe even for forever.
She wasn’t one to make promises anymore. She’d been down that road. But Zander Riley’s smile, his warm heart, and his passion did something to Rachel. He woke her up from the stupor she’d once thought made her happy. He made her realize that even though her life was full, it wasn’t complete.
The phone rang and rang, and her heart beat a little bit faster. This would be the moment when Rachel Winters admitted the truth.
She was in love with Zander Riley, a man she’d met thanks to the fact she’d said yes to a Saturday workshop and to a request for a balcony scene. She was in love with the man who had stolen her head, her heart, and her vision for the future with a single look.
She was ready to tell him. This would be the moment.
But there was just one problem.
Zander Riley didn’t pick up, and as the realization that there would be no reconnection that night becoming a reality, Rachel lost her nerve. More than that, she lost her assurance that the universe was behind her, that she was making a good decision.
