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“It’s okay to be vulnerable. It’s okay to admit you’ve been hurt, Sage. That doesn’t take away any of your strength.”
She studies me for a long minute. “Says the man who has just as much of a wall up as I do.”
The words cut into me, coming from her beautiful lips as her eyes pierce into mine.
She’s right. She’s so right. Sage’s walls, her rules, her attack on love makes so much sense now. It comes from a place of protection, thanks to a past that has haunted her. It comes from a place of devotion to her mantra.
Where the hell does mine come from? I have nothing like Sage’s past to blame. I came from a loving family that was nothing but supportive. Mom and Dad might not be perfect, but they certainly raised me with more love than material things. They are the epitome of unconditional love, not just for their kids but for each other. They’ve been the best example of what love could be. So what’s my excuse? Why do I put up these walls? For so long, I’ve said it’s all about fun. But is it? And, more importantly, can those walls ever come down?
“You’re right. You’re so right. I don’t have a good reason for it, either. I’m just fucked-up when it comes to love, I guess. Maybe I’m just an asshole. I don’t know.”
Now it’s her turn to comfort me. She puts a soft, delicate hand on my jaw, raising my head to look at her. Her eyes are smoldering, fiery, and unapologetic.
“You’re not an asshole or fucked-up. You’re just you, Cash. And well, maybe you just haven’t found the person to change your mind about love. Maybe she just hasn’t come along just yet.”
I stare, and I feel the walls slowly start to crumble. I start to see a different kind of fun right here with the woman on the blanket beside me. I see that sometimes loving and leaving isn’t what’s best. Sometimes loving and staying has its benefits, too.
“Or maybe I have,” I whisper, leaning in to close the gap between us. I quiet the vulnerabilities vibrating in both of our chests tonight. I shut down all the psychological fears and all of the past hurts and all of the past mistakes.
I kiss Sage Everling like I’ve never kissed another, and maybe in some ways, I haven’t. I don’t know if it’s the magical feeling of the cloudless sky above us, the sound of the waves, or the fact that we’ve just worn each other down. I don’t know if it’s the way she says my name or the fact that she’s opened up to me tonight with a genuineness I’ve never experienced with anyone else. I don’t know if it’s because for the first time, I feel like someone has seen right through me, right to my core, and didn’t go running.
Good or bad, I know that with this kiss tonight, we’ve turned a corner. Two players discovering that playing for keeps might be a possibility after all. It’s scary as hell, but it’s also something else, I realize as we pull back from the kiss, both staring at each other with an intensity bubbling from within.
It’s also affirmation that maybe we’re both not as broken as we once thought.
