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Underneath my loud groaning, Albatross clears his throat again.
“All at once, I gave you endometriosis, kidney stones, and a rather severe case of appendicitis. Your poor body is trying to fight. You have a fever of 104, and oh, you’ve also come down with the flu.”
Please make this stop! I moan again in agony as the stabbing pains attack my midsection with impressive combat skills. Please!
I look up through glossy eyes. Albatross stays hidden in the shadows, only the caps of his knees showing in the light of the chandelier. I plead with my quivering lip, hoping he takes pity on me. I shouldn’t have yelled at him. I should have stayed submissive. What was I thinking?!
“I could make the pain go away, dear,” he announces, legs crossing.
I hold my breath as another tub of vomit is dumped across my tongue and out of my mouth. The taste is too close to rotting meat and expired dairy. I want it to stop!
I can’t even look up again to respond to him. A migraine. Hot flesh. Violent chills. My soul is begging him for a warm bed.
“But I can’t make it stop if you’re still in denial.” He sighs. “This all is so trivial and barbaric. I could be spending my time explaining more about my good work here. I don’t like seeing you like this, dear girl. I don’t like it at all.”
I choke on another uprise of bile and swallow it back down. I’ve never felt so weak and horrendous in my life. “I’m not!” I spit the words out before my uterus is being squeezed again.
“Sorry? You’re not what?” Albatross asks.
I whine as my stomach feels like it’s being pinched between a piece of hardware.
“You don’t want to have to keep feeling this way all for a dying cause, do you? It’s just not fair! It’s been over a month since you were brought here. A month! Tell me, would this strong, indestructible travel companion of yours really need months to come break you out? I mean, he’s far too clever for a task this small, isn’t he? But if that’s the truth… then what could have stopped him?” He waits for me to answer, but I’m too busy writhing on the floor aimlessly. “It hurts me to see you giving your best self to a false perception of a person.”
My thoughts, chained down by pain, are clear for a brief moment. He’s right. Even thinking that makes me feel like a traitor. Like the scum of the earth.
But it hurts. I hurt.
Disappointment possesses me, dragging every hope I have to hell. He isn’t coming for me. If my version of this man was the right one… I’d be out already. It’s been too long. I’ve suffered too long. It had all been lies. My connection might have been real, but the lion, the dragon, the great beast that encompassed the all-knowing, master manipulator, the strong-willed warrior he has always been to me… has been a lie. A LIE.
“He’s—not—coming—for—me.” I make out my words evenly through the rapid inhales and exhales. “He’s a lie.” A dry sob breaks through my pursed lips and gritted teeth.
Albatross hums in agreement. “Would you like the pain to go away now?”
“Yes, I would,” I groan. Please make it go away. With a click coming from his side of the room. The pain sinking its teeth into my stomach, my back, my uterus, all lift like a poisonous cloud floating back up to the sky. I force out a shaky, grateful sigh, hooking my hands over the top of my head. It’s all gone now.
He’s all gone now.
37. Set in Stone Skin
With my newfound, heartbreaking resolution Albatross helped me to see clearly, I have gained some trust from him. Which is good. Really good. Because he’s my friend, my mentor, and all he’s tried to do since I’ve come here is help me see the truth. He didn’t want me to live in a sea of lies any longer than I have my whole life.
After the mess I made all over my cage floor, he allowed me to clean it up myself. Absinthe reluctantly brought a bucket of soapy water and a stack of white rags. I was strategic with how I approached such a task. I haven’t had any real purpose in months, I think. I’ve been detoxing in my locked space from the reality I knew. It was necessary. Albatross tells me it was like breaking a drug addict from his addiction. Sure, it’s painful and atrocious to live through…. But once you’re out of the worst of it, it’s smooth sailing. He told me that I was in a weeded section of the woods. There were thorns and sharp branches, and lots of poisonous insects. It was a nightmare to travel through alone, which is why he wanted to sit with me the entire time. He wanted me to know I had a friend. And that was very nice of him, indeed. I am grateful for my new friend.
I took my time, scraping up the vomit and blood with my hands before I began to deep clean the area. It was thrilling for me, actually. I am finally useful. I can do more than just wait around and feel the pull of depression tugging at my gown to ruin me, waiting for a man that would never come. I tried not to let that concept peel layers away from my heart, but the burn was still fresh. And I am still recovering.
After I proved myself useful, Albatross now lets me crawl out of my cage and sit while he shares with me more of his work. I recognize that I’m not allowed to come near his shadowed area. His feet and knees cringe inward if I scoot too close. I’ve wanted to ask him why he won’t show me his face, but that’s not my business. That kind of curiosity would earn the strike of Absinthe’s bony fist. While I sit and listen, sometimes Absinthe brings me a glass cup of fresh eggs, and sometimes another slab of beef. I always show her my appreciation. She tells me I’ve lost thirteen pounds. I don’t know where that weight went, but I share the same smile she gives me. If she thinks it’s a good thing, I think it’s a good thing.
There are still days when I am blinded and surrounded by darkness. And then, I see DaiSzek hovering over me in my mind’s eye. He waits for me to follow him. But I’m no longer allowed. Albatross asked me to remain present. And I’ll do just as he asks me, even if I’m swallowed in terror. I wave DaiSzek away, but he begs me with his eyes. He wants so desperately for me to jump on his back and go far away from here, to meet young Kane in Ambrose Oasis once more. But I swat that dream aside like a gorgeous butterfly trying to land on my shoulder. I can’t go there anymore. Adjusting to the madness that engulfs my mind when I’m swarmed with hallucinations of my father or other beasts waiting to attack in the night. It was hard at first, of course, to mold myself into this nightly routine. I would rebel against it. I would lash out at Albatross for forcing me to endure such evil. But rightfully, I was put into my place. I’ve felt the pain of childbirth, without the love of having a child. I’ve undergone the pain of a broken leg, with bones sticking out of my skin like the jagged edge of a broken porcelain plate. I’ve choked on fluid in my lungs for several minutes as I experience the torment of being several stages into horrendous lung cancer.
After so many correctional forces, I have understood what my role is. To listen. To abide. To never question what is asked of me.
“Might I ask you a rather serious question?” Albatross speaks to me while I sit upright inside my cage.
I nod eagerly. “Please.”
“I put you through certifiably strenuous tribulations. Every day. Every night. Yet, you never cry. Not even close. When was the last time you did cry?” He wiggles his gangly fingers through the air like he’s trying to rid them of spiderwebs.
“I’m not sure,” I answer mechanically. But I don’t give specifics. A steel-plated wall rises in my mind, a warning, an impenetrable force that won’t let me give details. That I cried to Dessin, and without him here, I’ve held it in—trapping it in my chest, only to be released when I see him again.
