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I hope he never will.

24. The Word of Judas

“Do you want to know the only terrible thing about what we just did?”

Dessin’s question wakes me from nearly drifting to sleep. I blink up at him, raising my eyebrows and scowling. “Um. Not really, no.”

“The little Grey bastard got too close to the front. I didn’t notice until it was over though.”

I laugh. “Oh. I guess that would be a trigger for him.”

He rolls his eyes.

It wasn’t twenty minutes after, as we lay next to each other, panting, recovering from the rigorous entanglement of limbs, that Dessin was in urgent need of being inside me again. I was still dripping, ready for him to work himself in again. And it was lazier, like he was in no rush, had all the time in the world. Taking his time, teasing me with slow strokes.

I don’t know how we’ll go another night without doing this. How we’ll be able to look at each other and not collide like passing waves on a shoreline.

But when I turned over to get some sleep, Dessin folded himself behind me, curling around my body with his giant arms to keep me safe and secure while I tried to sleep.

Only, he hasn’t been able to close his eyes. I can practically hear his thoughts bouncing off the walls of his brain.

“Have you always been like this?” I ask.

“Like what?”

“An insomniac.”

He sighs against my hair. “Not always.”

“I’ve seen you sleep very little since we ran away. And I’ve noticed the headaches.”

“It’s nothing.”

Liar.

“Symptoms of when there’s tension—among the other alters, I think.” His tone is hard and clipped, like he’d rather talk about anything else.

“Anything I can help with?”

He chuckles. “You already have.”

This deflates me more than he’ll know. Is that what all of this was for? To release pent-up tension for him? To relieve him of stress?

The notion gnaws at me while we remain cuddled on his small bed.

“Is it safe for me to go back to my room?” I ask.

He hesitates before responding. “You’re not going back. Not yet.” Those arms tighten around me. It’s misleading. It’s dangling a carrot over my head. I have to remember what Kane said to me after our kiss. He doesn’t see me that way.

“I am.” I make an awkward attempt to wiggle out of his arms. “The priest will visit me again this morning. I’ll get him to bring Judas to me again.” I shake my head, looking over my shoulder at a shirtless Dessin. So handsome with his jawline of stubble, huge swollen chest, glistening, tan skin. “I’m ready to leave. This place is a cancer.”

Dessin nods as I sneak back to my room.

Moments before the guard wakes back up, moments before someone comes back in my room.

The priest, dripping in sweat.

“Child!” he exclaims, rushing to my side. “Judas, the chosen! They won’t let him speak with you alone as God has intended, but he gave me a message to give to you.”

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