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I know I can’t hold off any longer. I know I have to tell him the truth, or most of it at least. There’re still parts I’ll probably never be able to tell him, or anyone. It’s too painful to even think about.
I take a deep breath and look around me. Mia and Nick are off to the side, watching me with concerned faces. Belatedly, I realize I’m in Jaxon’s office, lying on his small brown leather couch. I can still hear the music from the bar, but it’s muted because the door is closed.
Taking in another much-needed deep breath, I bring my eyes back to Jaxon. The hurt I see in his beautiful eyes almost brings me to tears. I lower my gaze to my hands, resting in my lap. I can’t look at him when I tell him.
“H-he found me.”
“Who found you, Bailey?” Jaxon puts a hand underneath my chin and lifts my head. I squeeze my eyes closed once my head is raised. “Look at me, please, and explain.”
I open my eyes and look straight into his and unleash the holy hell that is my life.
“My husband, Steven. He found me.” I hear a growl forming in the back of Jaxon’s throat but before he can say anything, I continue. “We met while I was in my last year of college. I was working in a restaurant to pay my way through school when he and his colleagues came in for lunch one day. He was so charming and kind and paid me all the attention that I never received as a child.
“After that day he kept coming back, most of the time by himself, and just sat there and watched me. Sometimes I would sit with him during my lunch breaks and we would talk. I was so desperate to be accepted and loved that it didn’t take long for him to talk his way into my bed. Up until that point I had never been with anyone, wanting to focus on my studies. We dated for about six months before he asked me to marry him. He made me feel like I was the most precious thing in the world to him, and I thought I was so in love with him that I immediately accepted. It didn’t occur to me at the time, but it was our wedding night when things started to change.”
I watch Jaxon’s eyes get harder the longer I talk, like he knows what’s coming. He may have some clue, but there’s no way he can know how bad it was for me. The hand he’s still clutching is getting tighter. I squeeze his in return and he loosens his grip. I continue my story.
“It was just little things at first. I just thought it was because of the stress at work. He was a big-name attorney, and I know that the stress of the job can be overwhelming at times. He started being rougher with me during sex. Saying nasty things to me. He would shove me a little too hard. He’d always apologize to me afterward and things would go back to normal for a few days. It never lasted long though and eventually it got worse.”
I stop for a minute and take the bottle of water that Mia offers me. After taking a big gulp, I replace the lid and set it on the table beside the couch.
“One night we had a friend over for dinner. I was in the kitchen making a salad when Steven walked up behind me. He wrapped his arms around me, and I thought he was trying to apologize because he had been intentionally cruel to me earlier that day. Except, it wasn’t an apology at all. He leaned down and whispered for me to do something vile to his friend.”
The whole time I talk I keep my eyes on Jaxon. His are getting darker and darker the more I say. His jaw is clenched tightly shut and his nostrils are flaring. I can tell it’s taking everything he has to control his emotions. I don’t want to hurt or anger him, but I need to tell him. I need him to finally understand why I am the way I am and why I can’t stay here any longer.
His eyes are locked onto mine as well. He pulls in a breath and tells me to continue.
“When I refused to do what he told me to do, he slapped me with such force that I stumbled and hit my hip on the edge of the counter. It hurt, but I didn’t realize until later that it left a huge bruise. He ended up dragging me over to his friend by my hair and forcing me to my knees. He threatened to slit my throat if I didn’t do what I was told. The look in his eyes told me he was serious.
“They both raped me that night and it wasn’t done gently. Immediately afterwards I threw up on the floor and they left me there, lying in my vomit, spit, and blood.”
“That sick fuck!” explodes from Nick. I look at him and see his hands are fisted. There’s pure rage in his eyes. Mia isn’t faring much better. There’s fire in her eyes, but instead of being focused on me they’re locked on Jaxon.
When I swing my gaze back to him, I see he’s bent over, resting his elbows on his knees, and his head is bowed.
As I’m not anywhere near finished with my story, I continue, still watching Jaxon.
“After that night things changed dramatically. There were no more kind words or loving gestures from Steven, except while we were in public. It was like a light switched in him. He started taking me to a club. The nights he brought me there were some of the worst. He would have the members tie me up and do all sorts of awful things to me. Things that no person should have to endure. Things that change people forever. Sometimes he would threaten me and make me do things to them as well.
“Sometimes he wouldn’t join in. He would sit off to the side and watch me with hate-filled eyes, like it was my fault I was there. Each time he would tell me it was my fault but would never tell me what I did. I tried so hard to be good, but I was never good enough. It didn’t happen very often but sometimes he would drug me. I longed for the times that he did, because it felt like I was outside my body. I always felt it in the mornings though.
“It was when the others were done with me and gone that Steven would punish me. He had these toys that he used. The worst was the flogger. Steven modified it so it had little needles at the end of the tails. He loved using the flogger all over my body. He would also put out his expensive cigars on me. He would use anything and everything within his reach, and that would fit, and punish me with it. He even used a cracked beer bottle once and it cut me on the inside.”
The last I whisper, because remembering the excruciating pain of it almost breaks my resolve in finishing my tale. Tears slip silently down my cheeks.
“Oh my, God,” I hear Mia whisper, but I don’t look at her. My eyes are glued to Jaxon, who is flexing his fists. His body is shaking.
“I tried to leave so many times but it was like he always knew. He would stop me before I even had a chance to plan an escape and beat me. I was admitted to the hospital several times, but he was always there so I couldn’t tell anyone. Of course, they wouldn’t believe me anyway. No one would believe that the golden boy prosecuting attorney would ever do anything remotely close to what he puts criminals away for. In public, he was the perfect loving husband. He always blamed it on me being clumsy. There was one time he blamed it on a random mugging and another time he said someone broke in to our house. Of course, he trashed the house to make his story more believable. For the few times I was in the hospital, there were dozens of others that I wasn’t. He only took me when he felt it was life threatening enough.”
I stop talking and take in a deep lungful of air. Jaxon is still bent over. I can’t see his eyes. I don’t know if I want to. He hasn’t said anything the entire time I’ve talked. I’m scared to see what his eyes will reveal.
Nick takes a step forward and my eyes fly to him. He looks like he’s on the verge of killing someone. His eyes are blazing. When he’s standing directly in front of me, he squats down. “Why, Bailey? Why run now? What else did he do?”
I avert my eyes from him. This is the hard part. This is the part where I need to watch what I say. I’ll give them some, but I can’t reveal everything. I ball my hands into fists and finish.
“One day a few months ago, I was upstairs putting away laundry. Things had been rather calm the last several months so I was in a false sense of security. He still did horrible things to me but not near as bad as usual. I really should have known better. As I was making my way out of our bedroom, I saw him at the top of the stairs. The look in his eyes terrified me. I had seen hate before, but what I saw was so much more. I knew in that moment that he meant to kill me. It was written all over his face. I turned to run, but he was really quick and caught up with me easily. He grabbed the back of my hair and slung me to the ground. My head hit the railing on the banister, almost knocking me out. By the time my vision cleared, he had dragged me over to the edge of the stairs. I was standing there with tears pouring out of my eyes, begging Steven not to do it. He just snarled into my face with so much venom and punched me in the face. The force of the punch, which I knew he meant to do, caused me to fall down the stairs. My face hit the corner of the table that was at the bottom. That’s how I ended up with this.” I lift my hand and gently brush my fingers over my scar.
“I had multiple fractures in both arms, cracked ribs, a concussion, and numerous bruises all over my body. Of course, he told the police he was out of the house when I must have tripped while carrying a laundry basket full of clothes.
