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We both sit there holding the two women we love unconditionally. Nick with the unbearable grief of knowing he will never see the light in her eyes again and me with the pain of losing one person while the other is alive and somewhat well. I can’t help but feel relief that Bailey is okay, but the pain of losing Anna, and not getting there in time to save her, will haunt me always.
24
ANNA’S FUNERAL WAS HELD three days later. You would think it would be more suitable for the weather to be rainy and dreary, but it wasn’t. The sun was shining and the air was warm. Just as I hoped it would be. Anna was warm, friendly, and bubbly. She was the very best friend a person could have. She deserves to be sent off with the same qualities that made her the wonderful person she was.
The turnout for her funeral was phenomenal. The church was packed, and I swear every resident of the town was there, even some from the surrounding towns. That’s Anna for you. She barreled into your life, made you fall in love with her, and then stuck around no matter what. Her death impacted so many lives and the world will be less without her.
Nick is a terrible mess. He won’t speak to anyone and stays locked up in his house, refusing anyone entrance. I’ve seen him once since that night and that was at the funeral. Jaxon has gone over to his place a couple times, but he just ignores him when he pounds on the door. I worry that he may do something drastic, but Jaxon says to give him time. My guilt for what happened to Anna is growing stronger.
My stay in the hospital was only one night. I was so hysterical from the abuse by Steven and the loss of Anna that they had to sedate me. When I woke up the next morning, I had Jaxon on one side of my bed and, to my surprise, Chris on the other.
Jaxon was at my side as soon as my eyes opened. “Are you okay, angel? Are you in pain? Can I get you anything?” I just shook my head, not knowing what to say. What is there to say when you’re the cause of him losing his sister?
He lowered his head and placed a soft kiss against the top of mine. Tears sprang to my eyes, but I pushed them away and glanced over at Chris, who was watching us intently.
She walked up to me and laid her hand against my cheek, careful to stay clear of my nose, which was starting to throb.
“You scared the shit out of me,” she whispered.
“Sorry. What…” I stopped and cleared my dry throat. Jaxon was immediately at my side with a cup of ice-cold water. The coldness of the water was a balm to my dry mouth. I thanked him and turned back toward Chris.
“What are you doing here?” My voice was still scratchy, but better.
She flicked her eyes up toward Jaxon before bringing them back to me. “Your man called me.”
I glanced over at him and noticed a small smile on his lips. I reached my hand out for him to grab and he did so. I turned back toward Chris.
With tears in my eyes, I told her, “I was so scared.”
She sat on the side of the bed and lay down beside me. Being careful of my bandaged hand, she gathered me close to her. With her arms wrapped around me, she murmured against my hair, “He can’t hurt you anymore. The bastard is gone.”
I nodded in relief. That part of my life was over with. Steven had no more power.
After a few minutes, Chris kissed my forehead and got up off the bed. She said she was going to the cafeteria for some much-needed caffeine. It was just Jaxon and me in the room. An awkward silence filled the space and I couldn’t find the courage to look his way. I knew it’s irrational and Jaxon wasn’t the type of person to blame someone for someone else’s actions, but I couldn’t help but wonder if deep down inside he held me responsible for Anna’s death. I certainly wouldn’t blame him.
“Look at me, angel.” he said softly. As much as I didn’t want to, I knew I needed to face him. I took a deep breath and turned my head his way.
“Whatever you’re thinking right now, stop it.” He took a step toward me until his hips were against the bed. Taking my hand in his, he brought it to his lips.
“I’m so sorry about Anna. If I hadn’t…” I trailed off at the fierce look he gave me.
“I said stop. Don’t even think it,” he rumbled.
“But Jaxon, if it wasn’t for me—” He cut me off again by placing his finger against my lips.
“Bailey,” he said in his deep voice, eyes locked on mine keeping me captive in their swirl of colors, “do you honestly think that I, or anyone else, blame you for what that sick bastard did? You loved Anna just as much as any of us. I saw you, angel.” He stopped for a minute and took a deep breath before continuing, voice now hoarse. “I saw how you, even with Steven doing what he was doing to you, tried huddling up to Anna. I saw you trying to give her comfort even though you were going through hell as well. I know you would have done anything to keep her from that. Hell, woman, you went there thinking he was going to let her go, putting your own self at risk. That took courage and I love you all the more for it, even though you scared the shit out of me when I went home and you weren’t there.”
I took his hand and laced our fingers together, tears once again forming in my eyes. His words warmed my heart and penetrated some of the guilt I felt. I really did try to bring some comfort to her and I hope I did. I never had any during my childhood and my time with Steven, even though I prayed so hard for it. I know my guilt will never go away. I’ll always blame myself, but hopefully, over time it’ll get easier.
That morning when Jaxon and Chris took me back to Jaxon’s place, we’re met by his family. As soon as Lilly saw my face and all the damage, she immediately took me into her arms and burst into tears. We both stood there holding on to each other and crying out our grief.
Pulling away from her, I looked directly into her watery eyes. “I am so sorry, Lilly.”
She cupped my face and wiped away the tears that were still traveling down my face. “Don’t you dare blame yourself for what happened to my baby. No one else does. You didn’t do this, honey.” I nodded and squeezed her to me again.
Jaxon’s gram stepped up next, with her eyes swollen from crying, and engulfed me in a tight hug. She murmured in my ear, “I’m so glad you’re safe. Jaxon told us what you did for Anna. Thank you for giving our girl comfort when she needed it.”
A few minutes later I excused myself to the bathroom. I closed the door behind me and closed my eyes. Taking a deep breath, and keeping my head down, I took a tentative step toward the mirror hanging above the sink. I was ashamed that I hadn’t had the courage to look in the mirror yet. In light of what happened to Anna, my injuries seem so insignificant.
