Page 3 of Endless Love


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We face each other, and his eyes reflect his inner turmoil. It’s in the tilt of his lip that I realize he’s giving up.

“Don’t you think it’s time for me to give instead of taking?”

I cup his face, and he rests his forehead on mine. “Maybe I’m not done giving. It should be my decision. Don’t you dare take it away from me. Don’t be a coward, be the man I have loved since forever. Because that man would fight a thousand demons, especially his, just to come to me.”

He places a chaste kiss on my forehead, and he sighs, the sigh mixed with desperation, tethering on the edge of ruin.

“Your stubbornness has no bounds. I swear one of these days you will make me crazy.” He pauses, his chest rising and falling in a wild staccato. “Don’t you get it? I can’t give you what you need. I couldn’t live with the guilt. If not you, then who will understand me? Please . . .”

“Oh, now I understand, you selfish bastard. You’re doing it for yourself.” I push him away. His eyebrows knit together, and he locks his hand around his neck, shutting his eyes for a second.

“You have no idea what you’re talking about. Give up. I need you to give up.”

I shake my head. The love for me contouring the lines of his eyes. This is why I’ll never give up. I lift my hands in the air, huffing, “Why give up only to start again? Stop trying to push me away.” He clasps his hand over my shoulder, shaking me, the pain oozing from him, invading me.

“Wake up, Bria. We’re not children anymore. I won’t make promises I can’t keep. Why do you want me, anyway?”

“Because I want my happy ending, and I want it with you.”

“I ruined it on the way, and I refuse to give you just pieces of a happy ending if I can’t give you it all.”

“You say we shouldn’t act like children. At least back then, you didn’t hurt me on purpose.”

His blood-shot, glistening eyes stay on me as if he wishes to memorize me. I slam my eyes shut, trying to protect my battered heart.

His head drops and his voice cracks. “I’m sorry, baby, for not being the man you deserve. Forgive me, but I love you too much. I did this, and I need to fix it on my own.”

I stand on my toes, and my lips quiver while a sound of misery escapes his lips. I kiss him then tug at his collar, and I press one ear against his thumping heart.

“Together, Damien, did you forget?”

He cocks his head to the side, shutting his eyes, shutting me out.

Through the lump in my throat, I say, “On the table is my gift to you.” His head snaps from the bar to me, and he arches an eyebrow. “They’re not the reason I came. I made my decision before receiving them.”

My voice drips with both hurt and disbelief as I backtrack. With every step I take, I distance us, even if it is only on a physical level.

“I’ll always fight my way back to you, Bria.” He digs a finger into his chest, “I have only ever been yours. I am so damn sorry, love.”

He doesn’t look at me anymore, remaining an unearthly beautiful statue, unattainable. I close the door behind me with my heart remaining on the other side with Damien. When I reach my car, I fumble with the keys and crash in my seat, gulping down my pain. We almost made it this time. Almost. The word tastes bitter.

***

I end up driving down a road almost forgotten toward a place I haven’t been in so long. I park the car under a streetlamp, flickering its dim light.

With every step, I welcome the familiarity of this place. It holds so many dear memories and a piece of my soul as I wipe away the tears running down my cheeks. The old oak stands proud, its twigs bending in my direction as if greeting me after a long separation. I touch the tree, and the oak bark digs into my palm as melancholy washes over me.

“Hello, old friend, it’s been a while.” My voice mirrors my broken heart. Still, my mute companion offers me a modicum of comfort.

“Even though I stopped coming, I never forgot about you. I was busy with life, and it took a lot from me. But most of all, it took Damien from me. Can you believe it? It finally happened.”

I still for a moment, letting the words sink in. I envy its strength. It’s spent years and years in solitude, worshiping the sun, bowing to the moon and stars, being a protector and a secret keeper.

“How come he’s my strength, but I’m his weakness. How is this fair? I can’t fight when he doesn’t want me to fight for us at his side. If love isn’t enough, then what is?”

Frustrated, I slide down the trunk until my bottom hits the cold ground and rest my head against the tree. My mind is empty. In the silence, only my slow breaths and an owl greeting the night are audible.

“I love him. What do I do with this all-consuming love? I miss him already. I just got him back.”

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