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With the tree supporting my back, I pull my head between my hands and sniffle over my incapacity of making my heart stop bleeding over my love for Damien. I’m like a silent observer of a dysfunctional system that, although aware of its own dysfunctionality, it doesn’t want any change.
“Without him, I’m lost inside. I don’t know how not to love him, and if he loves me even a little, he has to come back. I need my home. Tell him to stop being stubborn. To let us fix this together as it should be. We can’t go anywhere, not separately. Tell him what I feel inside. This fireball of love can’t be extinguished, not even by all the seas of this world. Nothing can destroy a love like mine.” I pause as a twig cracks next to me, my heart speeding up in my chest.
“I’m here, baby,” he whispers above me, and I freeze. I lift my gaze, blinking. Assured he’s real, my sobs turn to anger.
“Why are you here? Another round of goodbyes? Just leave me alone.”
“Fuck. This isn’t the welcome I expected after what I heard.” He cocks his head to the side and scratches his neck., his entire posture shrouded in shame. Good, he should be.
“I’m sorry.” He squats and extends his arm but halts as if not knowing if he can touch me. I don’t know either.
He plops down, sliding his hands into his pockets. “We can’t do this anymore. I’m here, and I won’t leave.”
I narrow my eyes at him and say, “Yes, right. How nice of you, Damien, because not even an hour ago, you were pretty adamant I leave. And I did.”
“You’re mad, I get it, but don’t make this harder than it is just to punish me for wanting to do the right thing.”
“And to you, you did. Let me guess what led to this change of heart—the documents I left for you. Enjoy the freedom, Damien!”
“I read them. How?”
“Alex, ask him. He’ll be around, I guess. Be glad you are a free man with no strings attached.” I scramble up and walk away. I count every step I take. By two, he drags me back, and I crash in his arms.
“Where do you think you’re going?” he asks, his warm breath caressing my neck.
I force my voice to remain steady when I answer, “Home. I have to pack.”
“Where are we going?”
A slight laugh flees my mouth. “Damien.” He turns me around, his lips curving into a bright smile, and for one moment, my brain melts.
“You will finally move in with me?”
I roll my eyes at him. He makes me insane. I poke him in the chest as I emphasize every word. “For the States.”
“Not happening.”
I raise my hands in the air and tilt my head to meet his steel eyes, caging me in.
He flashes me one of his lopsided grins and I fight to suppress my smile. Even with all this mess—hurt, sorrow, and the mix of all my feelings—having him near me is perfect.
“Why are you here?” I ask, wrapping my hands around me.
“To start a future together. You were no older than four or five when you told me if you didn’t like me anymore as a grown-up, I’d have to make you like me, remember? This is me trying to make you like me again.”
“It’s that easy?”
“Yes. Why didn’t you show me the papers in the beginning?”
“Because I wanted to show you my love for you is stronger than any messed-up situation to begin with.” He tips my chin up with his forefinger, our breaths mingling.
“I was protecting you, damn it. I needed to fix the mess I put us in.”
His fingers wrap around my neck, bending me an inch. I unshackle myself from his grip and scrunch my nose. “So heroic of you.”
“You are my life. I live to love and protect you. I fucked up for years.”
Will his guilt ever disappear? It’s in moments like this that I realize I should have told him the truth sooner. “I’m here, baby. I won’t go anywhere, never again.”
