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“About as obvious as Leo leaving the table to definitely not use the bathroom,” Isabel said. “Are you rethinking what he said?”
“As much as he annoys me—” Piper blanched, realizing it was rude to say that to one of his family members, and tried to backtrack. “Sorry, I just mean…”
“Psh, he is annoying,” Isabel scoffed, unoffended. With a secret smile, Isabel leaned toward Piper a bit. “He’s as stubborn as an ox, and he frequently puts his foot in his mouth. You don’t have to take it back when it’s the truth.”
The nerves fell away when Piper smiled back at her. “I guess you know him better than I do. But… I think, for once, even though he was a brute about it, he’s right. I do tend to undersell my work. I wouldn’t mind a portfolio boost, but I acted like I’m not good at what I do, and that’s not true. I helped my mom with that coffee shop when I was thirteen, and they kept some of my original ideas in the final design.” Piper sighed and shrugged her shoulders.
“Why do you think you do that?” Isabel cocked her head in a gesture of curiosity more than pity.
“I didn’t always. I’m sure you know that my parents aren’t around?” Piper asked. Isabel nodded. “People were constantly asking me how I felt right after it happened or blaming any of my reactions to things on the fact that my mom and dad died. I started to notice pretty quickly that people were only looking for one answer, so I gave them that answer. That I was fine. And I get it, because who wants to talk about an uncomfortable subject like that?” It was oddly comforting to share a small piece of herself with Leo’s grandmother. Despite the stern facial features and harsh lines, Isabel had a calmness that radiated off her like a warm blanket. She was listening intently and hadn’t interrupted Piper once, not even to continually bob her head in the usual way people did when they were pretending to listen. She didn’t need to outwardly prove she was listening because Piper could tell she was. “I lost friends pretty quickly when everyone realized that I wasn’t fun to be around, so I changed that. My brother told me that brains can be tricked into being happy if you practice smiling, and a lot of the time, it works. But I started to wonder what other things I was annoying people with, and I guess I got so far out of control with trying to not be a burden that I constantly feel the need to discount all my achievements so people know that they don’t have to show up for me.”
“Mmm,” Isabel gave Piper a considerate look and seemed to ponder something before she spoke again. In the background, Leo’s family had started up some salsa music, and they cleaned and talked over it to each other. Despite the background noise, Piper felt like she was in a quiet bubble with Isabel. “I’ve been a burden for seven years now,” she finally said, and reached up to touch the sunflower-patterned scarf covering her head. “I was usually the person who helped others. I was loud and proud about my accomplishments because someone needed to be. But then I got sick, and for years I didn’t allow anyone to coddle me or help me. I wanted to do it all myself because I knew I could, and I didn’t need anyone telling me I was weak. I got out of my abusive childhood home on my own. I taught myself English for work. I raised a family on pennies. I survived the loss of my husband. I can still make the damn tamales.” Isabel laughed, and Piper giggled with her at the thought of Leo repeatedly getting his hands slapped away when he had tried to help her earlier. “I can do everything on my own, but I don’t have to. I’ve learned that the people who help me when my body or my spirit are weak don’t find me to be a burden. My daughter once told me that my stubbornness to not take the help was the real burden.” Piper considered that for a moment before Isabel continued.
“My body is weak, but my soul is strong. Your body is strong, Piper, but your soul is suffering. There are people in your life who see that and who won’t find you to be a burden. If you don’t already have them—and I know there is at least one person who seems to care so much that he had to leave the table—then you find them. The world tells us not to take up space, but if we don’t, then we don’t exist. You are allowed to be sad or angry or proud, and the right people will value you no matter what you feel.” Isabel rolled out from under the table, grabbed Leo’s dirty dish that he had left in his exit, and set it on her lap. Piper watched as she pushed toward the kitchen and looked back over her shoulder. “We are only here for a little while. Take up the space, Piper.” And with that, Isabel wheeled into the chaos unfolding in the kitchen.
A fast-paced Spanish song blared through an old speaker sitting on the counter, and when Piper finally tuned in to her surroundings, she smiled at the scene. Leo’s parents were spinning around in the small space between the countertops, swinging their hips in a salsa dance while Alvaro scrubbed at a dish in the sink. Mariana was dancing on her own in the small open space where the hallway turned into the living room, where Leo’s remaining two brothers and their wives were talking animatedly in the corner.
“At some point, we’re going to need to get you a dishwasher,” Alvaro groaned to his mother as he aggressively scrubbed at the dish Isabel had handed him. Lucia moved away from her husband, still flicking her hips back and forth as she danced over to her son.
“I already have two dishwashers.” Lucia smiled, then grabbed Alvaro’s soapy wrists, holding his hands in the air. “They’re right here.”
“Ha. Ha.” Alvaro rolled his eyes as Lucia snickered and danced back to her husband.
The whole scene felt familiar to Piper. It was equal parts lovely and agonizing to watch. Like a fond memory clouded with something painful. Mateo spun Lucia under his arm and grinned at her as she twirled, like she was the sun and he couldn’t help but stare directly into it. It was too late to stop the tears before they came, so Piper rose from her seat and made a swift exit.
Thirty-Five
LEO
Water dripped off Leo’s nose and coated his eyelashes as he stared at his reflection in the bathroom mirror. His blood was pumping in his ears like one of those pivotal moments in a movie where they edited in the sound of a beating heart so viewers knew just how serious the scene was. His anger was different this time. He was pissed at himself for his inability to make Piper smile. Her real smile was reserved for special occasions, and he desperately wanted to be a special occasion instead of a bystander.
With a swipe of a towel over his face, Leo took a deep breath and set his shoulders back, his hand hovering over the doorknob. He could do this. He could go back to only craving her body. He didn’t need anything else. They weren’t friends. They didn’t even like each other, so there was no reason he should need every piece of her.
Just be normal, he thought before he twisted the knob and wandered back out to the kitchen.
As usual, El Caballero de la Salsa, Gilberto Santa Rosa, rang out in the front rooms as Leo’s parents and sister shook out their limbs and moved their feet about in quick steps. He automatically scanned the kitchen area for Piper. When he didn’t find her, he moved out to the living room. She was nowhere to be found, and he wondered if his behavior had run her off.
“Afuera,” his grandmother murmured as she rolled up beside him, nodding her head toward the front door.
Leo didn’t try to pretend he wasn’t looking for Piper because Abuelita could always see directly through his bullshit. Instead, he bent and kissed the top of her head, the soft fabric of her headscarf brushing his lips. “Gracias.”
The front door was a bit tricky, but Leo had it down to a science: twist the knob all the way to the right, push in, then pull out. When he yanked to pull it open, he didn’t have to search for Piper at all. She was sitting on the stoop with her knees tucked into her chest. Her head turned to look at him, and his heart plummeted at the sight of the red splotches down her cheeks, where tear tracks were still damp on her face. He slowly shut the door behind him and sank down beside her.
“Did I do this?” Leo choked out.
“No,” Piper whispered, wiping at her face. She released her legs and set them on the cracked concrete, angling her body toward him. “I’m going to tell you, but you don’t get to make fun of me.”
Leo shook his head, hurt that she would assume he would kick her while she was down but remembering that her take on what had happened in high school was that he’d done exactly that. “I won’t,” he reassured her.
“Do you remember when we were talking in the library about how we could see love in other people?”
“Before I kissed you?” Leo asked with a sheepish smile. “Of course I remember that.”
Piper gave a small nod of acknowledgment and then sighed deeply. “My parents used to dance in the kitchen when they were making dinner. When they were cleaning up. For no reason at all.”
“Oh,” Leo whispered. Understanding hit him square in the chest. He scooted closer to her and wrapped one arm over her shoulder, pulling her into his side.
“It’s not the same, of course.” Piper let out a short, unhappy laugh, her tears building speed and falling heavily down her face, as if speaking her memories aloud were further dredging up her pain. She continued despite all of it. “The songs were all in English, and my dad was a horrendous dancer, but your dad looked at your mom the way my dad used to look at my mom, and I just couldn’t…”
