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“He seems intelligent.” Leo wiped at his face. “And extremely attractive.”
“He’s okay.” Piper gave him a shrug and playfully bumped her shoulder against his before steering the conversation back to the present. “She was wonderful, Leo. She really was.”
Fresh tears rolled down Leo’s face as he bobbed his head. “I should’ve visited her more.”
Piper shook her head. “You couldn’t have.”
“I could have worked harder. Maybe got a second job so I could afford trips back to Archwood more often. I used to wait tables before I got the job as Moreno’s assistant here.” Leo sniffed. “Hell, if I wasn’t so stubborn, I could have asked to drive down with you every time you went to visit your family.”
“We would have killed each other, and I would have thought that you had to have hit your head on something to even propose that idea,” Piper argued.
“But I could have figured it out!” Leo’s voice turned frantic. “I don’t see them enough. My family hasn’t been enough of a priority. I’m missing every important milestone in everyone’s lives. Antonio and Saanvi announced they’re having another kid, and I wasn’t there to congratulate them. Mariana has a boyfriend now, and I missed that, too. Mira, Abuelita had cancer, and I still didn’t make her a priority. Maybe you were right about me, Piper. Maybe I’m just selfish.”
Piper didn’t realize it until she went to speak, but she was crying, too, all while adamantly shaking her head with each of his statements. “You aren’t selfish, Leo. I saw how you were with your family. You love them. You care about them. You’re always FaceTiming them and bringing them up in conversation. You danced with your sister in the living room. You made sure your mom got flowers when she got her promotion. You’re a lot of things, Leo. You’re too blunt with people when it comes to the truth. You’re constantly grumpy. You steamroll your way into getting what you want, sure, but no, you aren’t selfish. Not even close. Half of the shit you do is for other people, even when it’s tactless.”
“You hide yourself so you don’t hurt or burden people. That’s unselfish,” Leo murmured.
“Or maybe it’s selfish not to let people in.” Piper gave a small lift of her shoulders. Since her discussion with Thea, she had only felt lighter. “Maybe it’s wrong to think that I deserve friendships when I don’t give myself over fully to anyone. I protect myself from love and expect other people to be vulnerable with me while I give them nothing in return.”
Leo squeezed her hand where she was still holding it. “Being scared and calculating risks is a part of life.” He sniffed and wiped his face. “But not taking any risks is lonely. You deserve love, Piper. You deserve everything real and wonderful about love. You deserve someone who makes you smile for real. Someone who wants every part of you without making you feel like you’re a burden.”
You do that. The thought came so quickly to her mind that Piper couldn’t combat it if she tried. It was shocking, but it was still true. She never felt like a burden for letting her emotions out when she was with Leo. Sure, a lot of the time the emotion she felt around him was anger, but even then, sitting with tears streaming down her face, there wasn’t some invisible force telling her to hold it together for him. For the first time, she thought she might believe him and that love wasn’t so far out of reach.
Piper’s chest tightened as she stared into Leo’s glistening, regretful eyes, seeing past his words to the heart of his problem. Despite his confidence, he still teetered on the edge of believing he wasn’t good enough for his family. “You deserve your dream, Leo. You deserve every bit of praise for the work you put out into the world, and I think your family understands why you can’t drop everything all the time to come home.
“If I recall, your grandma was one of your biggest fans. She loved that you were pursuing your passion. You’re the living embodiment of your parents’ devotion. They see that. I know they do. What you’re doing is showing Mariana that she can be anything she wants to be. You’re proving that being a part of your family emboldened you enough to go out and get everything you and they deserve. You’re proving that you are every bit the man your grandmother helped raise. So what if you aren’t home every four seconds? You are doing something important. You being here is giving them your time. And anytime you need to physically be with your family to remind you why you’re doing what you’re doing, all you need to do is ask, and I promise to not kill you when you insist on exclusively playing movie scores the entire way there.”
There was no response for a long moment as Leo stared at her until he finally jerked forward. His arms wrapped around Piper’s neck as he pulled her head into his chest. She could feel him shaking as a sob wracked his body, and she clutched onto his torso harder, burying her face in his shirt while he buried his in her hair. They stayed that way for an inordinate amount of time, holding onto each other like Rose and Jack held onto that door in Titanic, except there was room for both of them on the plywood because fuck that.
Finally, when Leo pulled back, Piper wiped under her eyes and gave a choked laugh at how ridiculous it was that the most real conversation she’d had in years was with someone she thought she hated.
“If I ask you a question, will you give me an honest answer?” Leo asked.
Piper didn’t think before responding, “Yes.”
“What did you do when they died?”
“I wallowed.” Piper toyed with her hands. “I thought about them constantly until I got so tired of thinking about them that I tried to drown the pain with really mediocre sex with ‘Harden-Can’t-Get-a-Hard-on.’ And then I got drunk at a few parties.”
Leo nodded, and not in a way that made her feel like he was judging her life choices, just a small acknowledgment that said he understood. “So, is it true, then?”
“Is what true?”
“Harden really can’t get a hard-on?” A real smile blossomed across Leo’s face, and Piper let out a short cackle in return.
“Who do you think started that rumor?” she asked. Leo grinned even wider, the tears still staining his cheeks but gaining a little levity. “Technically, he can, but he was such a dickwit that I felt obligated to deter other women from sleeping with him.”
“Was he your first?” Leo asked.
“Unfortunately.” She cringed.
“My first sucked, too. Jenny Applebee. She was really… spirited?” He chuckled. “I normally don’t kiss and tell, but she literally told everyone the next day.”
“She gave you rave reviews,” Piper recalled. She remembered being very annoyed by the information while also wanting to know how exactly the sex had been so good when Harden made her feel nothing but uncomfortable.
“It was truly awful, so I don’t know why she lied. I didn’t ask her to, I swear.”
“I think you’re the only one I’d give a rave review for,” Piper admitted, biting her lip at the admission.
