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“Yes,” Piper nodded. “I’ll be there.”
Fifty
PIPER
In the rainy-day funerals of TV and film, everyone had a black umbrella to hold above their head. At Isabel’s funeral, no one had protection while they huddled together in the frigid December rain. Colin and Carter had flanked either side of Piper like twin pillars, partially protecting her from the cold, but now, standing in her bedroom before everyone arrived for the funeral reception, she was soaked to the bone, her black dress clinging to her body as her tights put up a fight to peel away from her legs.
The weather that day felt like the direct antithesis of the day they had buried Piper’s parents. At the time, she had thought that it should be raining. That the birds shouldn’t be chirping and the sun shouldn’t be shining down on her as she stared at her parents’ caskets. In the end, it was all the same. She and Leo both had lost people. They both wanted to succeed in their careers. They both cared about their family and friends deeply and constantly wondered if they were doing the right thing.
For the entire ceremony, as the priest from Our Lady of the Mountain gave Isabel a proper Catholic burial, Piper had been elsewhere. Her eyes found Leo standing in the grass across from her, and she hadn’t looked away once. His face was downcast, but he hadn’t cried like his mother or Alvaro beside him. Leo had retreated in on himself. The entire drive down to Archwood, even with Sam, Emma, and Carter to liven up the road trip, Leo’s face had shown barely any emotion at all. She remembered it well, the numbness after loss, where it felt like she had expelled every ounce of emotion inside her until there was nothing left. Sometimes she wondered if she had ever really recovered from that place. She could trick herself into being happy now and had even experienced real joy, but the gray blanket of grief always seemed to linger just under the surface.
Still, over the last few months, Piper had felt a little lighter as she unraveled pieces of the grief she had kept hidden. When she allowed herself the grace to feel pain, it was a weight lifted from her shoulders. The grief blanket was heavy, and she didn’t realize just how heavy until someone else took some of the weight. And maybe that was why she had had the urge to touch Leo during the ceremony. To be the one at his side the way Walker’s arm had been wrapped around Talia’s waist or the way Leo’s brother, Antonio, had clutched onto his wife’s hand.
Before, Piper could ignore her secret dreams regarding relationships because she knew they would be too painful in the end. Now, she found herself wondering if maybe even the pain of loss was worth the reward of love. The most terrifying thought of all was that the one thing that had truly changed in the last few months was Leo. She wanted to still hate him because it felt safe to stay in that bubble, not knowing how wonderful he was. Not knowing the way his skin felt or how the sound of his laugh eased the tension in her shoulders, how much he would sacrifice for the people he loved. She wanted to still believe he was a jerk, but the comfort she now got from his ability to make decisions and be a natural-born leader told a different story. The way he allowed her to speak her mind—not only allowed, but demanded to know her thoughts and opinions.
After Piper had changed into a dark purple dress she hoped could pass as black since her only black dress was now sopping wet, she stared at herself in the mirror. Her hair was clumped together, and the drying strands were starting to frizz. It looked the way it had the night she had first slept with Leo. Even when the only thing they had going was an alarming attraction to each other, he had told her she was beautiful. It was easy to believe he meant it because he had had no reason to lie. Leo touched the parts of herself she thought she hated and turned everything good.
A knock on the door interrupted Piper’s scan of her body, and she called out “come in” as she gathered her soaked clothes from the floor. The door creaked open, and she was surprised when it wasn’t one of her siblings who stepped through the doorway, but Leo, wearing a black T-shirt and pants that replaced his dress wear from earlier.
“Hi.” He shut the door behind him.
“You’re early,” Piper noted.
“I thought I could help set up just for something to do, but Talia and Amala told me to get lost.” Leo huffed out a laugh. “So I figured I’d come see what you were doing. I still think it’s weird that they’re holding the mercy meal for us.”
“That was actually Walker’s idea,” Piper said. She sat down on her bed and patted the spot beside her. Leo followed her cue and sat next to her, his warm body brushing against hers. She leaned into his heat, a welcome force against the leftover chill from the rain. “He said one of the shittiest things about having to bury my parents was that everyone expected him to entertain guests after the funeral.” She didn’t elaborate on how Talia and Amala had found Leo’s mom crying in the employee bathroom at Lydia’s after they had already told her and Leo’s dad to take some paid time off. Or that Piper’s family had seemed to unanimously decide that they would be the ones to rally around the Diazes. Even Carter had forfeited his ski trip and gotten into a massive fight with his girlfriend so he could come home this year. Piper’s family knew what it was to lose someone. They knew what was important, and they knew what it felt like to have help because Amala and Talia had been that for them the year Piper’s parents had died.
“And now you all get to experience the thousand primos and tías I have,” Leo joked. “Not the way I pictured you meeting my entire extended family.”
“You pictured me meeting your extended family?” Piper turned her body to face him, hoping that she didn’t look too eager.
He leaned forward, resting his forearms on his thighs, and met her eyes with an expression she couldn’t read. “I picture you doing lots of things, Piper.”
“Oh.” She swallowed, her heart fluttering in her chest.
Leo’s hand swiped through the tangled, damp curls on his head before he flopped back onto her bed. “A lot of them said they wanted to come to opening night, so if not for Abuelita, you would have met them at some point.”
“Right,” Piper reasoned. She fell back beside him, still trying to make sense of how exactly he pictured her. Was it just sexual? Or did he feel the pull of connection past that like she did, too?
He turned his head to look at her so their faces were only a few inches apart. “Thank you for being here.”
“This is my house,” she whispered back.
The corner of Leo’s mouth quirked in slight amusement, which Piper counted as a win. “You know what I mean.”
“I wish…” Piper grimaced and shifted on the mattress to get comfortable with the admission she wanted to share. “I wish I would have stood next to you at the funeral. I wanted to, but I didn’t know if that was appropriate.”
“I would have liked that,” Leo said. The reply was simple enough, but it squeezed her chest nonetheless. If he wanted her there, then that was where she should have been. She should have taken up space. Should have let her heart feel everything she was supposed to feel. That was what Isabel would have done. “Whatever you’re thinking right now, stop it.” Leo’s hand reached up and gently brushed her cheek.
“I stopped myself from doing something I wanted to do again.” Piper’s voice was barely a murmur as Leo scooted closer, pressing his forehead into hers.
“I’m never going to expect you to be perfect, mi vida.”
Her mind whirred from the nickname he had used a few times now. She had translated it easily enough, but she couldn’t place exactly what he meant by it. It could be something friends called friends, or something mothers called their children.
Piper could barely make out any of Leo’s features, but she could almost taste his mint toothpaste. That distinct laundry scent of his clothes mixed with the rain and a faintly spiced cologne overwhelmed her senses. Before she could allow herself to breathe him in more or to get the full recipe for his laundry detergent, he was kissing her. It was just a soft press of his lips, but her mouth didn’t hesitate to return it, leaning into him and closing her eyes.
When Leo pulled back, her head swam. “What was that for?” she asked.
