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The moment I enter the doctor’s office, I take in every area. I make sure everything looks normal, even though I have no idea what would look out of the ordinary. I trust that Caleb's training for the police force will be in full swing right now.
"It's good to see you again, Aria. How have you been since we last spoke?"
"Okay." I say simply. "I'm fine." I take a seat in front of the doctor’s desk and Caleb sits beside me.
I don’t want to be here, and I can’t shake off the mood I’ve been in since I woke up this morning. It’s like a dark cloud is hanging over me. I can’t shake it away, and the more I think about it, the darker it gets.
"Any concerns you want to talk about first?"
I shake my head. Caleb turns in his seat to face me. His legs open up and kind of surround me on the seat. "You need to tell the doctor everything, sweetheart. If he doesn't know, he can't help."
Right now, as much as I love this man, I could throat punch him for putting me on the spot. I don’t feel comfortable talking about anything. I know the doctor knows everything I’ve been through and I feel disgusting. I feel like an alien from out of space. I don’t feel like I fit in here anymore.
The doctor clears his throat. "Caleb's right, Aria. I want to help you."
"I don't know where to start," I say shyly.
"Okay. Let me ask you a few questions and we'll take it from there." I nod for him to continue. "How's your pain been since you went home "
"It feels a little better today. Easier to move and breathe. My ribs have been the worst."
The doctor scribbles down on his paper and I concentrate on his moving hand. If I don't look him in the eye, I'll get through this.
You can do this. Caleb’s words echo in my ears from earlier this morning.
"No side effects from the antibiotics?"
"No." I shake my head.
"Okay. Have you thought about the baby? Have you had any more bleeding? "
I feel the heat rise in my cheeks. I hate talking about women's problems at the best of times, but with Caleb beside me, and a doctor I don't know from Adam, well, it's not a good time for me. This should be the happiest moment of my life, sitting here talking about my first baby, planning for a future, but it’s all jaded.
"No more bleeding. Erm... I can't kill my baby. I... I want to keep it," I stutter.
"Okay. We can offer counselling to help you talk things through. "
"No need." I straighten my back a little. I can see the concern in the doctor’s facial features. He pushes his glasses up his nose and folds his hands together on the desk. "Caleb’s brother has offered to get me help when I'm ready."
Caleb clears his throat. "I'm an ex-police detective. I run my own security company now with my two brothers, and we've become advocates for a charity called Women Matters. Clay, my brother… I believe he spoke with Aria about their services. We've got that under control, Doctor."
"Okay. Good. How have you been sleeping?"
"Badly. I get a couple of hours here or there, but I wake up anxious from nightmares. They feel so real. Vivid. Like I’m back in that cabin. I feel safe with Caleb, I just can't get out of my own head at night. I fall asleep wondering what’s going to happen next, but I wake up back in the past."
"She had a full-on panic attack before we left this morning, because she was leaving my compound," Caleb explains. “Is there anything we can do to help her feel more at home?”
The doctor studies Caleb and me. I feel under scrutiny. Is he trying to see if I'll be a terrible mother, because right now, I'd have to agree with that observation. I can't even take care of myself, without adding a baby to that mix. Yet, here I am, dead set against terminating this pregnancy. My mind is made up and nothing will change it.
Caleb must have picked up on my nerves, because he runs his thumb across the back of my hand. "You're okay. I've got you."
"Lots of rest, patience, and time is what I advise. I can give you a short course of medication that will help with the anxiety. I'd like to see you back in two weeks to see how you're getting on. "
"It won't harm the baby?"
The doctor shakes his head. "No. It's only a small dose, and it's just enough to get you over this difficult time. We can assess the situation in two weeks. I was planning on running another ultrasound today, but I think we'll leave that until the next time. If anything changes, you're concerned about yourself or the baby, just give me a call and I'll see you back anytime. Over the next few days, the pain in your ribs should get a lot easier. It's all just going to take time."
Time. Everyone's favorite word. Over the last year, time was something I had too much of. Time stood still in that hell hole. The days ran together and I didn't know whether I was coming or going. It felt a lot longer than a year. Now, it feels like the clock is against us. Everyone is trying to beat the time before it runs out. Will Sophia be his next victim? Will he take more girls? I don't understand the way his mind works. He gave nothing away in all the time he had me locked up. He might be crazy, but he’s very clever and calculates every move he makes.
Now, it just feels like I’m trying to piece together a very large jigsaw puzzle, only half of the pieces are missing and I’m not sure I want to find the missing pieces.
