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Chapter 9
Aria
No two days are the same at the moment. I'm down more than I'm up, and at times I wonder what the point is in any of it. I was never a negative person before, but now I can’t see a positive outcome. How can I plaster a smile on my face and act normal?
Sitting on Caleb's couch is something I do a lot of lately. I look out of the patio doors at the changing sky. It's like my moods. One minute it's blue, the next it's grey, and before too long, it’s black. The only comfort I take from that is that my mood won't always be dark. I just need to take each day as it comes. Hour by hour. Minute by minute.
"Aria?" I look over my shoulder to see Caleb standing with my mom and dad. They look just as bad as I do.
I knew they were coming today, and I've tried to ignore that fact, but it’s plagued my thoughts since Caleb and Chris dropped the bombshell yesterday. I’m not ready to see them, but my mom is just as stubborn as I am. When she gets something into her head, she acts on it. I'm surprised she stayed away yesterday. I’m very like my mom… or I was. Now, I’m not sure who I’m like.
I swallow deeply. I remain sitting, my legs curled up beside me, arms folded across my chest. I try to keep myself wrapped tight. When I’m curled into myself, I feel safer… protected.
"I'll make some coffee," says Caleb.
I want to scream at him to stay where he is, but I need to start standing on my own two feet again. I've depended on Caleb since I was found. He's been with me every step of the way, and if he's had to work, Clay or Chris has stayed with me. They're perfect gentlemen. It’s just a pity all men aren’t like them.
"Sweetheart."
My mom rushes to my side and wraps her arms around me. I fight back the tears, but being in my mom's arms knocks down all the walls I’ve built around my black heart to keep it safe. She always was good at getting me to open up when I was upset. I was always able to confide in her, no matter what. But this time, it’s a little more serious than exams and boyfriends from the soccer team.
My dad sits on the chair opposite us. He doesn't look at me and I feel sick that he can't be himself around me. I know how hard this must be on him, but I would have liked him to remain his usual self.
My mom holds my cheeks in her hands. "How are you, sweetheart?"
"I'm okay. I have good and bad days. I'm comfortable here, though."
My mom nods. "I understand why. It's like Fort Knox to get in here. I'm happier knowing you're safe. I wish you were at home, but I’ll do anything you want me to if it means you’re happy."
I’m happy to hear that, because I thought she would pester the life out of me to go home, when I know I can’t. I need to stay here.
Caleb clears his throat and places a tray on the coffee table in front of me. He hands me a cup. He’s so thoughtful. Sometimes, I feel like he’s got me wrapped in cotton wool, but I like it. It’s a stark contrast to how I’d been treated before.
"Since your parents are here, I'll go over to the office and give you some space."
My heart pounds at the thought of being alone without Caleb or Clay. "Where is Clay? Or Chris?"
I’m not as comfortable with Chris yet - he was always the quieter one - but even having him here as backup is better than being alone.
"We're just at the office. Breathe." Caleb bends down in front of me and takes the cup from me. "I'm just next door. No one can get in here, remember. I wouldn't leave you if I thought you weren't safe. I just thought you and your parents could use this time together to talk to one another. I'll be back in an hour."
I feel like a child acting irrationally. I nod and sit back into the cushions. Caleb hands me back my coffee and I look at the liquid swirling around the white porcelain. I need anything to distract me from the reality of sitting here with my parents, especially now that they know everything that's happened to me. It won't be too long until everyone knows. I'll be the talk of the place. I won't be able to speak to anyone without seeing the pity in their eyes. I'll be another statistic that survived. The girl that got away.
The victim.
"It's so good to see you," says my mom.
Caleb leaves us to it. I look over my shoulder as he gets farther away from me. I don’t feel safe when he’s not here, but I need to get this visit over with. "I'm okay. Caleb has been a life saver." I smile awkwardly.
"He's a fantastic man. I'm glad you have someone you can turn to right now, but I want to be here for you, Aria. Please don’t shut me out."
I don’t want to shut her out, but it's just hard knowing that she knows everything. I feel ashamed and dirty. It doesn’t matter how many times I scrub my body in the shower, I still feel his dirty hands all over me. No amount of soap or hot water will erase that feeling.
"I can't leave here, Mom. I can't explain it. I just need to stay here for the time being. Just trust me on this."
"I understand." She wipes tears away from her face. "Can I visit?"
"Of course. Anytime.” I nod.
