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We sit in silence for a short time. My dad remains still and quiet, not looking at anything other than his cup.
"Caleb told me about the baby."
Because of the baggy jumper I deliberately put on this morning, they won't see the tiny bump I now have. I didn't want to flaunt the baby in front of them, because it's hard enough for me to come to terms with.
"It's fine. We're both fine."
My dad stands up from his chair and bangs his cup down, coffee spilling on the table.
Usually, my mom is the one with a temper, not my dad. It's weird to see him like this. I shrink back into myself. I just want him to take me into his arms and tell me that everything will be okay.
"That's good. I'm so pleased. We’ll have something to look forward to," Mom continues.
My dad bangs his hands down on the table and I jump, spilling coffee on my leggings. I get up quickly, placing my cup down. I feel tears threatening to spill over. I feel like a stake has been pushed through my heart and twisted.
"Rick, maybe you should take a walk." My mom stands and addresses my dad.
"I can't do this. I can't pretend this is okay. That baby is a rapist’s baby. A murderer got our daughter pregnant. How can you be okay with that? How can you carry that child knowing all that?"
I stand up straighter, facing my father. I expect those words from strangers, but my own flesh and blood? No. He might think those things, but he can keep his hurtful thoughts to himself, or tell someone who gives a shit.
"Do you think I haven't thought about all of that? Do you think I've had an easy decision to make? The baby didn't ask for this. My baby didn't ask for this. I won't take another life. I can't. Now, if you'll just leave. I can't deal with this. I’m staying here for as long as I can, and if you can’t accept my decisions then I don’t want to see you again."
"Aria... "
"No, Mom. Please, just leave me be. I knew this would happen. That’s why I wanted time to myself. I don’t want to see the hurt and pain in people’s eyes, least of all from my own father."
I turn away before I say or do something we'll all regret. I need to get changed out of these wet clothes and that's my perfect excuse to get out of here. It’s a good job my coffee was cool, or I could have added burns to my many marks and scars. That would have been the final straw for me.
***
I have no idea how long I’ve been upstairs. After my shower and change of clothes, I fell asleep. I woke up ten minutes ago feeling hungry for the first time in forever. I make my way through the house; only a soft glow comes from the living room. I spot Caleb sitting on the couch with a file in his hand. He has a bottle of beer on the table and he looks exhausted. This case is tormenting the life out of him. I can see it every time he looks at me. His eyes are getting heavier each time. His body is tense all the time, except when he holds me in his arms. He’s like a soft, fluffy teddy bear then.
"Hi," I practically whisper.
"Hey." He closes the file and gets up. "How are you? I didn't want to wake you when I come back over from the office."
I shrug.
"Come and sit at the breakfast bar. I'll heat up your dinner."
I’m not arguing. I’m hungry and I need to eat for the baby’s sake. It will also get me out of discussing me or my family, because I know Caleb will ask how our visit went.
"What did you cook?"
"A meat feast pasta dish, garlic bread, and if you're extra good, I'll give you a tub of Ben and Jerry’s just for you."
I smile. "You're spoiling me."
"You're worth spoiling." He winks at me.
He makes himself busy in the kitchen as I sit and watch him carefully. Never once did I imagine the Caleb I once knew cooking a meal from scratch. Back then, if he could throw some ready meal in the oven, he would. He would have faded away to nothing if his mom didn’t feed him.
Over the years, I dreamed about Caleb and his charm. He was my inspiration for finding a great guy. He set the bar high for any man I met, and I wasn't settling for anyone less.
"I managed to see your mom and dad as they were leaving. Your dad looked... upset."
I snigger. "My dad can be a class A asshole. I hope he was upset, because what he said can't be erased easily."
