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Chapter 18
Aria
I’ve been home from the cabin three days. Three days without seeing Caleb. Three days without any contact from him whatsoever. I’m lost. I’m empty. I feel alone. My heart feels like it’s struggling to beat every day. I have a life growing inside of me. I shouldn’t be feeling like this. But I do, and each day alone is making me sink farther into the abyss.
“Aria!” I hear calling from downstairs.
I know it’s Clay, and I know he won’t be shy at walking in here. I must be driving his patience to the limit, because every time he calls in, I’m in bed with the cover over my face, blocking out the world.
“Aria, I am going to give you to the count of three and I’m coming in.”
I don’t move. I don’t have the energy to get up and give him a piece of my mind.
The door bursts open and I feel the bed dip with his weight. His large hand lands on my side and I close my eyes and swallow the lump in my throat.
“Aria, I’m worried about you, babe. Talk to me. What can I do? You need to eat. If not for you then for the baby.”
I take in a deep breath and sit up against the headboard. I pull the covers up to my chest and stare at the far away wall. I don’t want to see the look of disappointment on his face.
“I have a decaf iced coffee, chocolate milkshake, and a cream cheese bagel. What do you say?” He waves the bag in front of my face and I take it from him just to get him out of here. “How are you feeling?”
I shrug my shoulders. “I don’t know anymore, Clay. I’m just fucking exhausted.”
“I wish I’d listened to my mother when I was growing up, because maybe I’d know of ways to help you now. I’m no good at any of this emotional stuff. Caleb and Chris are better than me.”
I smile at Clay’s admission. He’s adorable, in that big brother kind of way. “When you find the one you love it will all click into place. You’ll want to do anything to love and protect the one.”
I take the iced coffee from his hand and sip at it because my stomach feels delicate at the moment.
“And is that why you’re doing this to yourself? You’re hurting your heart to protect my brother, when he’s over there feeling this separation just as much as you are? I don’t get it, babe.”
“It’s the best thing for both of us.”
Clay shakes his head. “I don’t believe that. I love you and Caleb, but I can’t see why breaking each other’s hearts is helping anyone. I’d do anything to have what you guys have.”
I look up to Clay as he plays with the straw in my milkshake cup. “Still no word about Shay?”
He shakes his head. “Nothing. It’s like she’s vanished into thin air.” He shrugs and sits up straight.
“Tell me about her?” I reach my hand over and place it on his.
“She reminds me of you a lot. She’s stubborn, level-headed, and dedicated to helping others.”
“She sounds like a great woman.” I smile.
“I just wish she left the army with me. Maybe if I told her my true feelings, she might have left at the same time as me.”
“You can’t do this to yourself, Clay. All of the what ifs will drive you crazy. Trust me, I know. I’ve had many of those moments over the last year, but it only makes you bitter and angry.”
“Here’s me trying to be here for you, but you’re counselling me.”
“That’s what family does.”
“Tough love. Well, get your ass out of that bed, shower, eat, and be downstairs when I bring dinner over at five p.m.”
I don’t want to leave this bedroom, but I open my bagel bag and take it out. The smell makes my tummy rumble and the baby does somersaults.
“I’m not ready to face the world, but I will shower and eat.”
