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“You can’t compare Aria’s case to Shay’s. I doubt we’ll ever come across another case like Aria’s in our lifetime.”
I nod. I know Chris is right, but I can’t help but think I’m missing something.
“I think you need to get your head straight. Is she dead? Is she alive? You’re contradicting yourself. One minute you’re set on saying she’s dead, then the next you’re saying she could be alive somewhere. No wonder you’re fucked up over this.”
I shrug. “I want to believe she is alive, Chris. I have to believe she’ll walk through the door one day.”
Chris takes in a deep breath. “I don’t think that’s doing you any good. You’ve lived the army life. Do you think she could have survived that warzone? If she did, do you really think the enemy captured her and let her live?”
I throw my brother a dirty look. I know what he’s saying is the truth, but I don’t want to think about the enemy getting Shay. I know what her fate would be, and it wouldn’t be good. I’d rather she did get blown up, it would be quick and painless.
“I’m only telling you how I see it.”
I nod. “I hate feeling like this.”
The room goes silent for a few moments and I twiddle my thumbs over my desk, anything to try and get out of my thoughts.
“What do you say we go and get that drink, huh?” asks Chris.
“Really? You’ve just contradicted yourself, baby bro.”
Chris sniggers. “Do you want a drink or not? Hurry up, before I change my mind and go home to bed, which is where I should be heading.”
“You’re getting grumpy in your old age.” I stand up from my desk and rib my brother. Something I’ve always been good at because, let’s face it, I didn’t get the name ‘Joker of the pack’ for no reason.
“Do I need to remind you that you’re older than me?” Chris follows me out of my office, and I grab my truck keys.
“You remind me every day. Come on. We need to lighten the fuck up. It’s too serious around these parts lately.”
And just like that, my deep thinking has passed, and I’m going to do what I do best and try to forget about this overbearing pain in my gut.
Tomorrow is a new day. A new day to carry on just like I have for the last few months. I grieve, I laugh, and I very nearly self-destruct. But two things I have that not many people have are family and support.
