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I study my brother carefully, but he’s giving nothing away.
“I had a call from the army. Shay has been nominated for a medal of honor for her bravery and time served in the forces. The ceremony will happen a week from today at eleven a.m. I told them we’d let them know if she was well enough to attend. They don’t know she’s doing well in therapy. The decision is all yours, Shay.” Caleb turns to Shay.
“Wait a minute,” I step in abruptly. “She goes to this and we’re sticking a red flag on her back saying, catch me if you fucking can.”
“We’ll all be with her every step of the way. Besides, if we hide her away, it’s only going to draw attention to us. We need to appear like we know nothing, even though we’re digging through every detail we can,” Caleb fires back.
“I am here, guys. I can make up my own mind.”
We all look at Shay. It’s hard to let her make her own decisions, especially if I think it’s dangerous for her. She’s stubborn, headstrong, and too fucking independent to let anyone see her weak side.
“I want to go. I earned that medal. I want you guys to make sure that Josh gets home safely to get his.”
“You have my word. We’ll do everything we can to help Josh and any other soldier captured in Iraq.” Caleb squeezes Shay’s shoulder. “You just need to prepare yourself that Josh might not be alive today.”
“I know. I can’t give up hope though, Caleb.”
“Hold on.” I lift my hands up in frustration. Chris is standing behind Shay’s chair, shaking his head at me to stop, but I can’t. “What happens if we can’t keep you safe next week, huh?”
“Nothing is going to happen to me.”
I shake my head. “You know it’s real funny, because those same words escaped your mouth years ago when I left the army. I’m a big girl, Clay. I’ll be fine. Nothing will happen to me.”
I turn away from Shay and my brothers and run my hands through my hair. I know that was a cheap shot, but I’m angry that she isn’t thinking about the bigger picture here.
“I’ve paid that price, Clay. Every. Single. Day. How many times are you going to throw that back in my face? I didn’t leave the army with you. I hurt you. I get it. But we’re here, now, looking to the future. And honestly, I don’t know if we have a future if you can’t escape the past.” I turn around quickly and see the tears rolling down Shay’s cheeks. “Chris, can you wheel me back to Clay’s house, please?”
“Sure.”
I stand rooted to the spot, watching my brother wheel Shay away. Caleb shakes his head at me and walks over to sit down on a bench.
“I love you to death, bro, but sometimes, I wish you would engage that brain before you speak.”
“Don’t, Caleb. You of all people should know how I feel.”
“Oh, I do. I lived in your fucking house for about two weeks when Aria and I went through a difficult phase because of my stupidity. Learn from my mistakes, go after her. Grovel. Tell her anything she wants to hear.”
“Is that your advice?”
Caleb shakes his head. “Get your head out of the past and stop upcasting what she said or done every time you’re pissed off. You’ll lose her if you do.”
“So what? I just sit back, nod, and let her do whatever she likes, even if it’s a dangerous task?”
“No, you talk to her. Express your concerns. Listen to why she wants to do it. Compromise. Whatever she decides, she needs to know that we all have her back, not just as a family, but as a team of highly specialized operatives.”
“Now I know why Chris loves the single life. Women make you batshit crazy.”
Caleb laughs. “You might want to keep that bit of information to yourself, bro.”
I roll my eyes. “I’m going to do a workout session first. I can’t go over there feeling wired like this. It will only make things worse because she’s as stubborn as I am.”
“You’re well matched, Clay. Anyone can see that. Just don’t screw it up.”
I nod and walk away from my brother. Maybe knocking shit out of a punchbag will help relieve some of my bad mood and tension.
***
I’m wiping the towel across my neck when Carrick wheels Shay into the gym. I stop what I’m doing because I really wanted to talk to her before the lunchtime therapy session started. Now, I’m not so sure. Her face still looks murderous, and I’ve been on the end of that murderous look more times than I want to count.
