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I could sit with Kally in my arms forever. The feel of her warm skin, the beat of her heart against mine. It feels like we’re connected.
“I don’t think I can do this,” Kally sobs into my shirt.
I stand up and bring Kally with me. I take her hands in mine and rub them tenderly with my thumb.
“You can do this because you’re one of the strongest people I know. You will regret not saying goodbye to Daisy, babe.”
She nods weakly. I know she isn’t convinced, but she’s going along with what I say. After today, I will never make her do something she doesn’t want to do. But today, I need to take the reins and do what I think is best for her.
I walk back into the heart of my house where everyone is waiting for us, minus Clay and Chris, who are in their positions.
Nancy rushes forward with my suit jacket and hands it to me. She wraps her arm around Kally’s shoulders while I get myself organized. The funeral might be in my back garden, but we’re all still dressed for the occasion. The only thing I have done differently is to wear a pink tie in honor of my niece.
Caleb opens my front door with Jared beside him. Caleb speaks into his earpiece, and I join Kally at the opposite side from where Nancy is.
I look around for Damien, but he’s disappeared. “Damien is outside with the undertaker,” says Jared.
“Thanks.”
We walk out of my house and Kally lifts her head to see Damien standing with Daisy’s coffin in his hands. He walks towards us and nods to me.
“Kally, would you like to carry her coffin?” asks Damien.
She shakes her head as sobs break through again. “Clark,” she gasps through the tears.
I know what she’s trying to ask of me, and while I don’t feel comfortable holding the tiny coffin, I have to do it for her. I can’t let her down. I need to be her strength right now.
I straighten up and hold my arms out for the tiny white coffin. Suddenly, my heart beats wildly, my pulse feels like it’s going to burst out of my ears, and my body sweats in places I didn’t know were possible.
I take in a deep breath and hold it. The coffin is lighter than I anticipated. It’s just so wrong that a tiny life had to end. It seems so unfair.
I nod to Damien and the undertaker. I’m ready. I walk a couple of steps and wait for Nancy and Kally to start the procession to the grave we’ve had dug at the back of the house just on the inside of the tree line. It’s a beautiful spot with the bayou running along the back. You can hear the water, the wildlife, and it smells of trees and foliage. In the height of the summer, it’s amazing out here. I hope Kally can eventually find comfort in coming to Daisy’s grave.
We walk to the gravesite slowly, silently. I feel like we’re sneaking around, and it shouldn’t be like that for a baby’s funeral. I’m looking over my shoulder, questioning every noise or movement. My body is on high alert.
We reach the grave, and the undertaker instructs me to place the small casket on the wooden slats. Once I know it’s safely placed, I walk back and take up my place beside Kally. My blood runs cold, goosebumps rise on my arms, and I shiver as the cold air surrounds me.
Kally didn’t want a service for Daisy. She just wants to lay her to rest in a place she knows will be peaceful and safe.
“Who are the four people taking a cord to lower the casket to the ground?” asks the undertaker.
Kally, Jared, Damien, and I step forward and take the cord offered to us. I can’t take my eyes off Kally. She’s just a shell of herself. I don’t know how she’s going to react next, and I want to be the rock for her to lean on.
With the four of us lowering Daisy into the ground, the weight is nothing. I toss my cord in beside the coffin and walk back around to Kally. Jared and Damien step away from us. Kally doesn’t drop her cord; her hands are shaking. I cover her hands with mine and let her feel that I’m there. We stand for a while in the same spot, but then Kally suddenly kneels on the ground and breaks down in floods of tears. I step to the side and give her this time to grieve. I daresay she isn’t just crying for Daisy right now. She’s crying for everything that asshole put her through.
“I’ll take Nancy back to the house to organize some food for everyone. Take your time,” says Jared.
I nod. I quickly turn my attention back to Kally. I can’t bear to see her like this anymore. I lift Kally into my arms and stagger to right myself without hurting her.
Caleb walks beside me and Damien back to the house. I’m glad it isn’t far away because I just want to comfort Kally the best way I can. The only way I know how… in my arms.
“I’ve got you, babe,” I whisper into her hair.
I walk straight into the house, through my living room, and into the guest bedroom Kally is occupying. I lay her down on the bed, toss off my jacket, and kick off my shoes. I lie beside her, and she curls into my side, her head resting on my chest. Her tiny body shakes, convulsing abruptly with the tears and sobs leaving her. She’s going to be exhausted after today.
It breaks my heart to see the woman of my dreams breaking apart, piece by piece, and there is very little I can do.
I take in a deep breath and inhale the beautiful scent of her perfume, which is something I’ve never forgotten over the years. The simple scent lulls my heart rate, and my eyes close.
