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Love, Momma
I sniff back some tears. It is so good to see her handwriting, I can almost picture her actually sitting in front of me, saying these exact words to me. I wipe my eyes and set the letter next to Kreed in case he wants to read it. I contemplate another letter but do I want to continue? Should I continue?
“I’m going to read one more and then I want to go to bed.” I look over at Kreed who looks pensive. I can see his eyes tracing over the letter again and again. Like he is going to find some kind of new information. “Kreed?” He snaps out of his gaze to me.
“Yes? Sorry S’rella what did you say?”
“I’m going to choose one more letter then I want to go to bed. This is too much. Especially that one.”
I sniff back tears. I knew this was going to go deeper than I wanted but it is what it is. I have to make do and unravel the mystery of my life. I at least have Kreed to help me. I feel I am going to need weapons training immediately. I need to learn how to fight and hold my own. My mothers letters seem so ominous and it’s setting me on edge.
“Okay. We can do that.” I nod my head and grab a letter at random again. This one marked July 2017
Dana,
I won't be there for you sweet thing. I won’t be able to help you with what you need to know. I won’t be there to teach you how to fight. The gods still say I can’t tell you all the things I know. I can’t tell you that I will die.
I’m terrified Dana. Not about death. I know where I will go after my soul has no need for this body. I’m terrified for your future. I’m terrified about what the gods don’t know or what they aren’t telling me. There are too many unknowns.
I tried to run.
I tried to run with you and I couldn’t even get far. Chandice saw it and found me before I could even get you out the door.
She understood why I did it but she was mad at my lack of faith. Dana, I don’t know what to do. How to help you. They say that everything has to happen this way for a reason. What reasons could they have to not give you the direction you need? Whether it is from me or the gods. Why must we wait to train you on how to protect yourself?
The only thing that gives me comfort is that you will have three men at your side. Three men to protect you after I am gone and if those three men find you at the same time, your bindings will break and you will come into your magic. Chandice tells me that it’s one of the many threads that follow you but this one was the one thought to never come to fruition. Strange weavings indeed. I can’t help but feel I am being lied to but I have seen your mates. So I know they are real and true.
Your Noah is one of them. Don’t let him go. I knew in my soul he was perfect for you. He protects you but he also lets you find your own ground. He is soft with you yet knows when to push you. I have only ever seen that devotion he gives you, in tethers at home.
You will be surrounded by love. It will not be easy Dana, they are three very different men. From different worlds. Keep that in mind when you want to strangle one of them. Keep your men close and make them work for it. It is okay to be your own white knight like in those fairy tales I used to read to you but it is also okay to lean on your soldiers.
I also saw Kreed. I know him. I know him pretty well too. He’s a serious one. Nothing would make me happier than to watch my daughter wrap that man around her finger. I wish I could be there to see it. Ask him to train you. He is unparalleled with a sword. His hand to hand is also something to see. I have seen him go against five other fighters in the ring and come out victorious.
Then, I saw a man who rippled with shadows. Very handsome I must say. I don’t know his name or where he is from, but I know he does not hail from Earth or Bathaile. He also seemed very serious in my vision. More so than Kreed and that is saying something.
I only got peeks of them, but I know two of them and I couldn’t be happier for you. To know that you will always be protected and happy. I have never really had a relationship so I cannot give you advice but I know from what I saw with your grandparents was patience. Think before you speak. I have seen my mom throw a knife or two at my father for things he’s said.
I’m sorry my love. That I won’t be there for you. I can’t tell you how sorry I am. I still wonder if it was the right thing to come here and put this on your shoulders. I have to believe though, that this is for the greater good. Even though now I won’t be there to help you. I have to have faith because if I came this far and all it’s for nothing I will never move on even after death.
Was it selfish of me? Do you hate me? I thought I would be alive to fight at your side. I’m sorry. I am so sorry. I always thought I would be HERE! That I would be here to train along with you. I am mad and so devastated. I don’t know how I am going to handle this and not be able to tell you.
Hold on to the ones you love Dana. Never let them go and go forward with them. Listen with your heart and go with your gut.
I love you dearest daughter,
Love, mom
I finish the letter with tears dripping onto the lined paper. I handed the paper to Kreed and burst into tears. Choking on my sobs. I fold into my lap and scream, pulling the hair at my scalp. I scream from the depths of my soul. The hatred I have for the gods is unfathomable. To give her little choice in her life and then rip everything away from her. To not reach out and help her survive whatever the fuck happened in car accident. How dare they? How selfish can they be? Self-righteous assholes. Making me fight for worlds and end wars when they could literally snap their forsaken fingers and end it themselves.
They are useless.
I feel a tingling roll down my spine and I can hear Kreed talking to me. Trying to shake me out of my torment. Without even thinking I stand up and blast dark green smoke into the windows and walk out into the cool air. Nothing is on my mind other than revenge and hatred for the gods. I can hear Kreed running after me. I ignore him and continue on my warpath. My feet don't even touch the ground even though they move as though I am walking. I almost float across the grass. Lifted by the green smoke that encases my body protectively. My magic billows around me violently. It trails me in a wake of fury.
When I get far enough from Kreed's house. When I can’t take the pressure pressing down on me anymore. I throw my head up to the skies and scream. Sending a deadly eruption of green smokey magic spewing in every direction. Smoke billows out in a shockwave scattering fallen leaves and tearing the petals off every flower and leaving the trees bare. When I can’t voice my hate, I fall to the ground. Vaguely aware of strong arms surrounding me. Warm legs encase mine and I just cry. I cry for my life. I cry for my mothers and I cry with hatred for the gods.
When there is nothing left to cry a sag against Kreed. Needing his strength. We sit there for long moments. After a while Kreed speaks.
“Tell me what you S’rella. Anything.” He’s silent for a moment waiting for my answer. “That was a lot of magic S’rella. I know you need something. Tell me. I will make it happen.”
