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I take a few deep breaths, feeling the exhaustion deep into my bones.
“Bed. That’s all I need right now. I need to sleep on this. I will sort out my feelings tomorrow.” I smile at him and he gives me a concerned look but decides to keep any further comments to himself.
“Okay. Do you–”
“Can I sleep with you?” I ask before he can finish whatever he is going to say.
“Of course.” He stands up with me tucked into his arms.
“Thank you.” I say before sleep takes over.
**********
I’m not awake. I know I’m not but I’m also not sleeping. In dreams everything is hazy. This is not hazy, this is like being awake and aware.
I take in my surroundings. I’m in a small hunting cabin from what I can tell. When I say small I mean there’s enough room for a small chair and table, a small sink, stove and a small counter. There is a cot set up and a sleeping bag on top of it. Some animal furs lay folded in a corner. A deer head sits above the only door. It’s dark out from what I can see through the window. I have no clue as to where I’m at.
Just as I start for the door it opens. A tall man covered in a large jacket, scarf and a beanie. He shakes snow off himself. While holding several logs. He looks up and we both audibly suck in a breath.
Noah drops the wood to the side. He rips off his beanie and tugs at the scarf, nearly strangling himself in the process. His gloves are removed next. He throws them to the side. He steps towards me, not a word has left either of our mouths. He shakes off his coat letting it fall to the floor. He takes a step closer and my arm swings back, I don’t pull the punch. I strike him on his cheekbone. Noah grunts in pain as his head snaps back from the impact.
“You!” I step forward, not giving him a moment to get himself together. I shove a finger in his chest, “Selfish piece of shit! What the fuck is wrong with you? You left me. You left me with men I did not know. You told me you would never leave me. Yet you did Noah! You were all I had left and you left me. Fuck, I let all those godsdamn feelings I held down for years bubble back up in a matter of days and you got scared and left! You fucking pussy! No, not a pussy, pussies are strong. You sir are a godsdamn ball sack. You weak, saggy, ball-butter asshole!” I suck a breath in and swing again. Hitting him in the same spot. Noah grunts in pain holding his face. I shove my finger harder into his chest pushing him back. I hope it bruises like his face.
Noah lets his head fall and I can hear him sniffle. Fuck, I can’t with men and tears. It makes me weak. He falls to his knees in front of me, head still bowed. “I’m sorry.” He chokes out as he starts to sob. How the hell am I supposed to keep my anger when he’s crying? “I messed up so bad Dana. I was selfish, so fucking selfish. I didn’t even try. I just tucked tail and ran. I have no good excuse other than I'm a piece of shit. A selfish one at that. God Dana, I wish you could feel how fucking sorry I am.” He lifts his head to look at me. He moves forward and places his hands on my calves. He rests his forehead on my stomach. He sobs harder, great heaving sobs of a broken man. His hands slowly slide up my calves and up the outside of my thighs, I can feel his hands shaking. He finally wraps his arms around my waist. His head pressed tightly to my stomach. “I love you, Dana. I love you so fucking much and there is nothing I regret more than leaving you.” I lift my hands debating on placing them on his shoulders. I grunt in frustration. My heart says yes but my brain wants to punch him again. I let out a deep breath and put my hands on his shoulders.
“You hurt me Noah, broke me.” He fists my shirt, I can feel his tears soaking through my shirt.
“Anything Dana, I will do anything to atone. Name it.” I can't help myself, I run one hand up through his hair and another down the neck of his shirt.
“I cried for a week. I called you a hundred times. I drove to your house several times a day. I called your parents. I screamed. I yelled terrible things to Kreed. Poor Kreed who did nothing but comfort me all week. I yelled terrible things to Aavin before he had to leave. I blamed them for your insecurities. I blamed them for your selfishness.” I sigh, “I need to sit.” Noah stands up quickly and grabs the sole chair in the room, sliding it behind me before laying a fur on it. He gestures for me to sit.
“Do you want some tea or a sweater? You have to be cold. How did you get here? Why are you wearing only a shirt?” He spits rapid fire at me. I sink into the chair.
“I don’t know Noah, I laid down and then I woke up here. I don’t know if I’m really even here.” I say looking at my body. Noah drapes a blanket over my legs and kneels down at my feet again. “I don’t know if I’m going to wake up and disappear from here. Is this a dream?” I ask, squinting at him.
He shakes his head, “No, I just went out to grab firewood. I haven't gone to sleep yet.”
“Well, I’m going to use this time wisely then. Have you been home yet?” He shakes his head again. “Well, I left you a letter and a novel of a text. Kreed took me to Bathaile. Aavin changed the deed to the house, you are on it now.”
“I–”
“Let me finish. I had the deed put in your name. The house is also paid off. You can keep it or sell it, whatever you want. But, I found some very interesting things out today. One of them is that you are my soul mate and you are also a fucking idiot.” I say sharply. Noah falls back on his ass. “I don’t know why you thought what we had was not real but you need to think about what you want. I have two other soul mates. My mother saw it, saw us happy. Whether you believe it or not, I am capable of loving more than one person. Of caring for more than one. I can understand the jealousy and that there will be bumps in the road but I will not be left behind again. Ever. This last week has been awful. I don’t even have words for it.” My eyes well with tears. I knock them away aggressively before they can get to my cheek. I have cried enough over him. I have much more to think about now.
“Anything. I will do anything for you. To be with you. In any way you deem me worthy.” He says squeezing my thighs.
“I want to believe that, I just–”
I blink and I’m surrounded by darkness. I notice I’m also being jostled.
“S’rella? Hey, are you okay?” I shoot up and rub my eyes.
“What the fuck was that?” I ask myself.
“What? What happened? You were talking in your sleep and swinging punches.” Kreed says as he sits up and hovers over me.
“I was just with Noah, in a hunting cabin.” I scrunch my brows. Remembering everything clearly like it was not a dream at all. “It was so real. He was crying and apologizing. On his knees.” I look up at Kreed. “He looked so broken.”
“Good.” Kreed nods decisively. “He could use some time to dwell on his stupidity. Kredar.” Kreed lays back down with a huff and pulls the sheets back up to his chest. I bark out a laugh at his nonchalant attitude about my dream and how droll he is about Noah's mental state. I throw Kreed’s arm up, smacking them into the headboard. Scooching myself into his side.
