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His big-ass head was easy to spot as I walked inside the bar. His familiar caramel skin wrinkled with a smile as I stepped up to the bar, settling myself on the barstool next to him. Eyes as bright as Sophie’s, and just as blue, met mine.
“Hey, man,” he grinned, his left hand patting the space between my shoulder blades. “Long time, no see.”
I gave him a half smile as I rattled off my order to the bartender: Lagavulin, neat, two fingers. “I know. I almost feel bad asking to meet up, though. I’ve got some shit going on and good god, do I need to talk about it,” I laughed. “But, more importantly, how’s Izabel? The girls?”
“Yeah, yeah, good, man. Iz just got a promotion at work, so that’s exciting. Devin’s entering the school’s talent show this year, so it’s been non-stop practice with her singing some Taylor Swift song every second of every hour. I’ve invested in a pair of really nice noise-canceling headphones.” He knocked back a shot before requesting another, and I hoped he didn’t think this was going to be a get-wasted-and-forget-our-problems kind of evening. “And Caroline is finally out of diapers, thank God.”
“I completely understand that struggle,” I chuckled. I took a heavy sip of the fiery alcohol, coating my throat enough to push the thought of Sophie’s pretty lips to the side. “Jamey was still wearing pull-ups at night until he was two and a half. I’m so happy that I never have to look at another diaper again.”
The slow, easy jazz playing over the speakers, mixed with the drink in my hand, was enough to relax the tension in my shoulders, my neck. I hadn’t even realized how much I’d been straining them, and I knew damn well I would feel it when I worked out next. I rolled my head to the side, forcing a crack from my spine.
“So what’s going on with you, Huds? What’s driving you so insane that you needed to see me?”
I groaned and scrubbed my face with my hands, trying to figure out where to even start. I needed to talk about all of it—from the fake engagement to finding Jamey a nanny—and deep down I knew I needed to talk about how I couldn’t get Sophie out of my fucking head.
————
Nathan’s silence hung in the air like a goddamn storm cloud.
I gritted my teeth as I lifted the nearly-finished glass of whiskey to my lips. I knew what was coming. “Just say it, Nathan.”
“Have you considered…”
“Yes,” I interjected.
“…that you might…”
I swallowed, letting the burn soothe my spiraling thoughts.
“…like her?”
There it is. “Absolutely not.” I set my glass down, my grip on it far too tight, almost dangerously so. I didn’t want to consider that, but of course, I had. It had been floating around in my head for days now, always there, hiding in the recesses of my mind and poking me with a fucking stick.
“Look, I know that’s not the kind of thing you want. I know that thinking of anyone like that after Becks is difficult for you?—”
“Don’t.” I sucked in a breath through my teeth, wishing I hadn’t finished my drink so quickly. “It’s not even an option.”
“Maybe playing house with the girl isn’t such a bad idea. Maybe it’ll help you get over some of that pent-up anger over Becks. Don’t close yourself off, Huds.”
Dragging my tongue along my incisors, I slid the glass across the bar toward the bartender. He lifted it toward the shelf, offering me a refill, but I shook my head, making the move to get up. I had to get home. I had to relieve my mom, I had to see my son, and I had to talk to Sophie. Wait, where did that come from?
“Hudson—”
I turned to Nathan, a tight smile across my lips. “Thanks for the advice, really. But I’ve been closed off for years now, and I don’t expect that to change anytime soon.”
————
The sky was already pitch-black by the time I pulled up my driveway. My headlights illuminated Sophie’s condo, casting beams of light straight into her lit living room, creating shadows that gave her presence away.
Even though I knew my mom had seen me arrive, even though I knew Jamey would be bouncing in excitement because I was home, I couldn’t bring myself to walk to my door. I didn’t even realize what I had done until the car door shut behind me and I was halfway across my lawn, my sights set on Sophie’s door, that gnawing sensation in my brain gaining control of me.
Before I could blink, I was on her porch, hand raised and ready to knock, hovering an inch from her door. What the fuck am I doing? I should go home. I shouldn’t be here. Soft footsteps echoed behind the door and I froze, unable to back away.
The handle twisted and I dropped my arm. I hadn’t even knocked yet, had she been watching me?
Sophie’s face was backlit as she pulled the door open just enough for her head. Even in the low light, her eyes shone like fucking diamonds. “What are you doing here, Dr. Brady?”
A lump caught in my throat at the sound of her voice. So goddamn perfect. “It’s Hudson. And I just wanted to check in with you.”
