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“Is it back?” he’d asked, and that was when I’d glanced to Red. She was in my Hummer with me when I’d made the call.
And she’d taken my hand when I told him yes.
She was also there when I told the guys my parents were coming here. They were bringing Bru with them, and before they could ask too many questions, I called my sister. I told her she needed to come to my dorm, and she did right before my parents arrived. My parents did know the truth, but the guys and my sister didn’t.
I wished I’d been brave enough to tell them before my parents had arrived. I wish I’d done a lot of things different, but in that moment, I did what I had the mental ability to do. The guys and Sloane found out after my parents and Bru arrived, and it all spilled out. I gave them every detail and left out no iota of truth regarding my condition. I discussed every doctor’s visit and even the secret trips I’d taken to Johns Hopkins. They’d been weekend trips and ones I hadn’t told anyone about. No one had known about anything.
I’d hidden it all so well.
I didn’t focus on their reactions. I didn’t focus on anything but the truth, and I used Red as my center. She kept hold of my hand when I told everyone everything, and I doubt anyone even knew she was there at that point. She was silently in the background of all this, but that hadn’t been the case when I’d first brought her today. Actually, the guys had been happy to see her. They’d been happy for me because they knew how miserable I was without her.
I’d failed a lot of people in this room. But the job I’d done on my friends, my brothers…
Dorian was too silent when I finally looked at him, and though my sister was on the cusp of crying after everything I said, she was asking questions. She got them in when my parents weren’t asking them, and those had been hard. I told them how I’d found out I was sick at the beginning of fall semester.
I told them I’d been lying.
That was when the silence had started. At least from Dorian. Thatcher and Wells had been more vocal. They started yelling at me before Dad told them to take a walk. They didn’t want to, but Mom advised that would be best, and Bru went with them. He wasn’t as mad and also tended to be the peacekeeper in the family.
His exit let me know he needed to cool off as well, though. His face was incredibly red when he left the room with Wells and Thatch, and my stomach got so fucking tight. The guilt hit me in an avalanche, and it got worse watching Dorian.
It got so bad.
My friend wouldn’t even look at me, and he was shaking. His big body was rocking back and forth while he rubbed his hands, and Sloane was massaging his arm as she was asking questions. She was taking care of him while dealing with this shit herself, and the guilt of that hurt so bad.
“You realize how bad this could have gotten?” my dad asked, bringing my focus back to him and Mom. Mom was silent too, but she had at least been speaking at some points in the conversation. She was scanning the floor. Like she was analyzing it with her brilliant mind, and that reminded me of myself. I looked for solutions even when I didn’t have any or wasn’t equipped to have any. I remained objective and tried to keep out the emotion.
But this was her son.
Make no mistake my mom was hurting, and I wanted to be sick because I knew how bad I was hurting her. She faced my dad. “That’s the thing. We don’t know how bad this is. We just know what he’s told us.”
It was like I wasn’t in the room, and the voices inside my head were so loud. I wanted to end all this and stop this pain for everyone. Pain I’d caused. “Mom—”
“You’re going to give us all the details of the doctor you’ve been seeing, and we’re going to speak to him first thing tomorrow ourselves,” Mom continued, her expression tight, serious. She was trying so hard to keep it together. I knew her MO. Again, it was like mine. She nodded. “We’ll also call Dr. Sturm who should have always been in charge of your care.”
I’d had to tell them about all that. I’d stopped seeing my old doctor because he was a link to my family I couldn’t have. I’d known right away I was having symptoms again, and as soon as I had, the first thing I’d done was get another physician.
I’d hidden so much from them all.
“I also want the information of anyone else you’ve seen or had consultations with,” Mom said, and I nodded. I’d do anything she wanted, anything they wanted. She shook her head. “God, Ares. What have you done? What did you do…”
Dad was rubbing Mom like Sloane was rubbing Dorian. Sloane was until she wasn’t because in that moment my friend decided to get up. He walked away, and I watched as Sloane went after him.
Fuck.
Red, who was still beside me, squeezed my shoulder. She was checking her own emotions and had to be. A lot of this information I’d shared was new to her too, but the moment she noticed Dorian leave, she eyed me. It was like a silent exchange occurred between us. Especially when she nodded towards Dorian and Sloane’s exit. She thought I should go after my friend.
How had I not always had this girl?
How had I fought the very thing I needed so badly? There was no way Red was okay right now, but here she was guiding me to go after Dorian.
I kissed her hand, thanking her so hard for that. Her response to that was a smile that made my heart tight.
God, how had I hurt everyone I cared about?
It was so bad, and though I did want to go after Dorian, I felt myself hesitate in front of my parents. I didn’t want to leave them, but my dad, who’d obviously seen Dorian leave, gestured for me to go too. That right there let me know he too saw how unusual Dorian’s reaction had been. My buddy had a tendency to either be explosive or calm, but not how he’d been when he left. It was like he was two seconds from breaking, cracking.
I went after him after kissing Red’s cheek. I whispered to her to look after my parents, and I hadn’t had to explain her presence today. I think everyone could assume why she was here today. I mean, she’d held my hand the whole time.
