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It was good to hear Bru’s voice, real good.
I didn’t know why I called him after I got home. Following the talk with his sister, I’d just been out of sorts. In fact, I hadn’t focused very well on the rest of my day. I had a couple more classes, but my brain had just been other places. That hadn’t been Sloane’s fault. Addressing everything with Wolf had just gotten to me. It put me back in my head, and I…
Anyway, I needed a friend, and even though I had them here, I wanted to talk to Bru. I also said I’d check in with him and wanted to be a better friend. “Do you hate me for ghosting you?”
It hadn’t been intentional, and I was sure he knew why I just up and skipped town.
Of course, he knew. All of Legacy knew why I’d left. They’d been there after all.
I was feeling sick again and questioning if I was ready to call Bru at all. I hated it, but talking to him just brought it all back. It was so fresh.
“You really think I’d be mad at you for taking some time to deal with things?” He laughed a little into the line. “I think you know me better than that. We may not have been friends for a while, Fawn, but I think you know better.”
I did, but I couldn’t help being uneasy. I mean, I had ghosted him.
“Are you doing okay?”
Okay, so we’d both asked that at the same time and did start laughing. That felt good to laugh. I was all bottled up lately, so yeah it felt good.
“Really, though. How are you?” he asked, and I wasn’t sure I wanted to say. This was still his brother I was dealing with. “How was your Christmas?”
Lonely, but I didn’t want to tell him that either. It just sounded pathetic. “Talked to my mom a little. She sent me some new lenses since I was on campus.”
“I’m assuming you spent the holidays alone.”
Leave it to Bru to call me out. “Yes, but don’t feel bad about that.”
“Can’t help that, and I double, hell, I triple feel terrible for not knowing about the cars and the storms,” he said, and I pulled in a breath. “I’m sorry I didn’t pick up on that.”
“It wasn’t your job to pick up on it.”
“Yeah, but still. I dropped the ball, and I’m sorry. Truly.”
He had nothing to feel sorry for. “Please don’t let this conversation turn into that. You feeling sorry for me?” I shook my head. “That’s not what I want, okay? I want the opposite.”
His sympathy just made me feel weak, and I wasn’t some weak bitch. I was stronger than this and knew I was.
I am.
These days, I was having to coach the thoughts into myself, but it was the only thing I had. I had to believe it. I had to be it. The alternative would be me breaking, and I wouldn’t. I refused.
“Okay, I won’t. And we don’t have to talk about that,” he said, and it was a relief. I knew it was a cop-out. Not talking, but I wasn’t ready right now. Bru breathed harshly into the line. “I do have my own apologies, though. There was a reason I didn’t push you to connect with me right away and definitely did my own version of ghosting. I did, and I’m sorry about that.”
I sat up. “Are you alright?”
I realized now he’d never answered me before when I asked if he was okay, and his text messages had said he wanted to tell me something. I’d been so fucked up myself I hadn’t been able to reach out.
God, I’m a terrible friend.
I certainly wasn’t there for him, and dealing with my own crap or not, I should have been better about checking in with him.
“I could be better,” he said, which made the guilt hit me more. He’d said the same thing the last time we’d texted. “But I do think I’m headed there. In fact, I’m really hopeful for that, which has been a relief.”
I brought my legs up. “What’s going on?”
My thoughts immediately went to the fight. Maybe his parents found out and hadn’t been happy.
“Got your popcorn?” he questioned, but laughed a little. He didn’t sound tense, which was good, but still. “Might as well settle in because what I’m about to tell you is a doozy.”
