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That didn’t seem to be the case today, and my stomach flipped for some reason watching the exchange. I was unsure of the source, but the flipping only turned into a somersault when Wolf explained he’d do his best to help get great pictures today. I had no intention of actually letting him shoot, and the spare camera really was for me. Heath had a great camera too, and I aimed to swap them out from time to time.
Wolf didn’t know that, but even still, he wanted to assure Heath he’d do his best. Heath appeared grateful for that, and after thanking us both for the favor, he left us to go find his cousin, the groom.
He left us.
I hadn’t been alone with Wolf since the cabin, but even that day, we hadn’t been truly alone. Like when I’d talked to him on the bus, we’d had an audience, but for a short time, it had felt like it was just the two of us. It’d been just as terrifying as it was now, and a flash of panic hit me. I forgot everything I intended for today, and my focus was going to the camera in his hands. Heath had handed his off to Wolf before he left, and I nodded at it. “I don’t expect you to take any photos. I’ll be swapping my camera out for Heath’s from time to time.”
It was brave of me to do this, to trust and let him hold my dad’s camera, but I would.
I should question that trust, but I wasn’t. I knew I didn’t have to because I knew he’d take care of my dad’s camera.
I knew he’d take care of me.
This terrified me too, because it was in direct conflict with what I wanted to do in this moment. I wanted to yell at him, scream, and demand why he hid his feelings. I wanted to ask him why he’d hurt me and chastise him for all the pain he’d brought me. I was still so angry at him, and that was where my conflict lay. I knew he would take care of me, and I both hated and loved him for that.
Love…
Wolf’s nod was curt, and that easy smile of his made my stomach flip again. He rubbed his neck. “I have to say, I’m relieved. I kind of suck at taking photos.”
I’d laugh if I wasn’t so terrified. Terrified of him and all this.
Brave the fuck up.
“Where do you want me, Red?”
My eyes flashed. “What?”
He laughed a little, and when he approached, my stomach was basically in my mouth. It was too hard to avoid him this close. His draw. He gazed down at me. “Where do you want me today? What do you need from me?”
There felt like there was a question behind the questions, but that could have been in my head too. I wasn’t listening to my head these days. If I did, I would have opened the floor in that moment. I had so much to say to him, but in the end, I just gave him my extra gear. I went into work mode and told him to follow me as I headed into the ballroom. I was more intent on capturing this wedding than actually talking to him. I was avoiding when I did want to talk to Wolf.
I just didn’t know how.
* * *
I gave in to cowardice that Saturday. Instead of talking to Wolf (like I wanted to), I buried myself in the job and did everything I could not to talk to him. He was there for the ride, of course. He held my gear and did everything I asked him. He never asked me for anything or asked anything of me. He was just there.
He helped.
The real cop-out was that I even staggered our breaks. I let him have one, or I took one and gave him the camera. I never obligated him to take photos or anything, but I wanted him to be available if I was out of the room. This went on all day, and it was easy because this was a wedding. It wasn’t about me, and it wasn’t about him.
It was easy.
The day faded into night. The champagne toasts were over, and the cake was cut. Half the guests were gone at this point, and Wolf and I lingered in the room glowing in lime-colored lighting. It was one of the bride and groom’s wedding colors, and it was everywhere. It highlighted the walls and flashed on the dance floor. Even my dark clothes had a subtle tint.
And it highlighted Wolf too.
Everyone’s focus was on the bride and groom and the remaining guests on the dance floor, but I watched Wolf. He had his back to the wall and watched on while people slow danced to a song about falling in love. I probably should be out there, taking more pictures, but I found my focus in Wolf’s direction. I had my camera on him, but I wasn’t taking pictures. I just observed him, following that sharp bone structure while we all listened to lyrics about finding the right person. Our person.
Wolf noticed. His attention casually drifted in my direction, and I remained frozen. I didn’t lower the camera. I didn’t do anything. I was lost in those dark eyes that stared a hole through me on the other side of my lens. Wolf didn’t move either, but that classic, handsome smile of his quirked right. He caught me, but he didn’t do anything about it.
At least, not at first.
Eventually, he came over, and I was forced to lower my camera. We’d both worked a full day, and even though I took all the pictures, he’d done his fair share of running. I felt like I had him everywhere grabbing me things, and he never once complained. He just did everything I asked. Even if that required him to be on the other side of the room. He kept his distance when I wanted him to and never pressured me to talk. He had to know it was unusual that I asked him here, but he didn’t push me.
He waited.
He didn’t seem to be now when he came over, and my lungs immediately got tight. He stopped right in front of me, pocketing his hands. “You, uh, you wouldn’t want to dance with me, would you, Red?”
