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I was shocked that he asked, but was astounded even more that I wanted to. I told myself it’d be a great place to talk to him. We’d be close, and that was my thought when I shifted my dad’s camera to my back. Wolf did the same with Heath’s, and I followed him out to the dance floor.
That was the last thing he let me do on my own, because once we were on the floor, I was in his arms. I was there in a familiar place, and I think I died a little. He left no inch of space between us when his arm looped around me. He managed to do so despite my camera potentially being in the way, and I was forced to hug him close right back.
I was forced to feel.
It came in a wash over me, and overwhelmed me so much that I distracted myself and pressed my cheek to his chest. I couldn’t look at him directly, closing my eyes. “Thanks for helping me today.”
It was the only thing I could get out, another distraction, and I felt his finger loop around my hair. He got the frizzy strand around his lengthy digit, my hair all over the place from the busy day.
“Of course,” he said, his finger in my hair grazing my cheek. I felt that touch through my entire body and it made me uncomfortable enough that I pulled away. The fact of the matter was there was too much comfort in that touch. It felt so good, too good.
I ended up off the dance floor and back to our wall. Wolf followed me into a shadowed corner, and as soon as we both came to a stop, I turned. “Why now, Wolf? Why now after… everything?”
My question gave him pause, his mouth opening. His gaze bored into me, and though there was silence, he knew exactly what I meant. He’d broken my heart, and I’d accused him months ago of having more feelings. He’d said at the cabin I was right about everything, which meant he’d lied.
I just didn’t understand why.
I didn’t understand the point of the lie. I mean, why hurt someone you claim to love? Emotion thickened my throat, but I pushed through it. “Why now, huh? I mean, was it Bru? Did you feel threatened by our friendship—”
“Fawn, you should literally be with anyone else but me.”
Completely thrown, I blinked, and Wolf’s gaze hit the air. Like he was deep in thought, contemplation, and when he came back, he just looked sad. That was how he looked at the cabin too. He shook his head. “I’m fucked up, Fawn. I was when we met, and I am now.”
I didn’t understand the when we met. He was obviously referring to the stadium fight day, but I didn’t get why he was bringing it up.
No, I didn’t understand, and he gave me pause when he approached. He put his hands on my arms, and I absorbed the touch just as deeply as when he’d played with my hair.
“It may be in a different way, but I am,” he said, scanning my face, my eyes. “Truth be told, you should probably be with someone like my brother. He’d never do the things I’ve done to you. Doing to you…”
I assumed he said this because he was still hurting me, which he was. He was playing volleyball with my heart right now, and I didn’t get that. I didn’t get why he kept doing this.
“Fuck, Red.” The words sounded terse, frustrated. I didn’t know if he was angry with himself, or what. He swallowed. “I’ve hurt you, and if you let me, I’ll still hurt you. I will because I’m fucked up, and I don’t want to do that to you anymore, Red. You deserve so much better than that, and I can’t hurt you. Not anymore.”
His voice broke, and he was breaking me too. He was acting like he couldn’t help hurting me. Like he was broken, damaged goods, and I could relate. I wish I couldn’t, but I could.
He’s not perfect. Neither is my brother, and I’m not either.
I thought about his sister’s words, and how I knew a thing or two about being broken too. It seemed we were all hot messes, and Wolf was falling on the sword to his vices. He wasn’t fighting, and that wasn’t the Wolf I knew. “Then don’t hurt me anymore.”
His laughter was dry. Like he was physically in pain, and maybe he was. Again, I could relate. He cupped my cheeks. “It’s inevitable, I’m afraid.” His thumb brushed my cheek, and my stomach locked up so tight. Something felt so final about what he was saying, and that wasn’t fair. He wasn’t giving me an option at all in this and completely taking decision power away. He wasn’t allowing me to make any kind of choice for us, and that wasn’t fucking fair. “You asked me why now? There is no now, Red, because we are fucking always. You are it for me, Fawn Greenfield. End. Fucking. Game. The only reason you know about it all now is because I’m weak as shit and couldn’t keep it from you.”
It all came out rushed, but I didn’t miss a word.
Always?
I wasn’t even sure if it’d been always for me. In fact, I was pretty sure I spent more time hating Wolf than loving him.
Always…
Wolf let go and faced away like he couldn’t look at me anymore. He wet his lips. “Fawn, I—”
It wasn’t professional what I did next. I mean, we were still working this wedding, but I didn’t fucking care. I wanted a choice in all this.
And I was deciding us.
I was deciding to fight, and when I kissed Wolf, I put all that out there. He may want to fall on the sword, protect me, but I wasn’t letting him. Hell, I wasn’t letting me do that either. It’d be so easy to run away from all this, but for once, I was choosing the other path. I was choosing us.
I was choosing him.
