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Bane throws his head back and laughs. “You two are so precious. Pining over women. As if there wasn’t too many to go around as it is.”
To prove his point, he grabs the arm of the waitress passing our table and pulls her into his lap, slipping his hand under her short leather skirt.
She looks alarmed for a split second, and then just resigned as she tries to stand back up. She’s super apologetic, telling him she needs to work, but assuring him she’d rather spend the evening in his lap. She’s lying through her teeth, I’m sure of it. He lets her go but not before kissing her in a way that looks like he’s trying to eat her face.
“How about we go somewhere the ladies are more willing to spread their legs,” he says once she’s walking away.
“Yeah, I was just gonna suggest that too,” Fossil says and he and Archer both stand up. Bane does too.
It’s still day outside and the last thing I want to do is follow them to another nasty bar or ever nastier whorehouse. Been there, done that. More times than I want to remember. Could be I even already fucked Ariel at one of those whorehouses, back when she was held captive. It’s a thought I try not to have. But right now, it’s echoing louder than a bomb blast.
“They’ll pass out and we can leave them there,” Edge says to me once the roaring of their bikes fills the air.
“I hope it happens soon,” I say.
Then we ride after them. And I can’t stop seeing Ariel’s face in front of my eyes. We’re not even fucking, let alone dating. But I feel like I’m betraying her anyway. And I don’t know what to do about it. Any of it.
2
Ariel
The only place I feel truly safe and at ease is at home, in the guest house by the pool that my parents turned into a little apartment for me. But since they got shot and I was taken for the second time, even that’s not true anymore.
It’s been months since the shooting, they’re both back to normal, as recovered as they’ll ever be. That means they’re once again worrying about me and not letting me worry about them. Dad lost his spleen and mom will likely limp for the rest of her life, because one of the bullets shattered her hip. I try not to blame myself for all that. But I am somehow responsible. Me and my bad luck. The men who shot them were there because they wanted me back. And they got me.
Whatever piece of myself I’d managed to get back after the first time I was rescued was gone after the second. At first, I thought it was liberating, that I’d finally faced my demons and walked free. But then I realized the anger-filled darkness of my mind truly was all there was left.
I feel like a total fraud now, hanging out with my sister and the girls, pretending to live a normal life, pretending to enjoy myself, just faking it all. They’re all girlfriends or cousins or whatnot of the guys of Devil’s Nightmare MC. They saved me. They made sure my parents lived. But there’s nothing I can give them in return, not even full-hearted friendship. Because my heart’s just shadow and darkness now.
We’re hanging out at a bar called The Horse’s Mouth at the edge of Main Street. It’s just us girls for now, but the guys will join us soon. My sister’s boyfriend Chance, Trixie’s Hunter, Summer’s Edge, Harper’s Jax. Only Summer’s twin sister Eden and I are still single, but the way she smiles every time she checks her phone makes me think maybe that’s not the case anymore.
I don’t check my phone. I’m afraid to see a text from Ruin. Because I never know how to reply. Because I don’t know how many more ways I can tell him, “Let’s just be friends.” I’m running out of ways to tell him that “It’s me, not you.” I hope he doesn’t show up here tonight.
The problem is that he always convinces me to text back and then to see him. One way or another. He’s really good at that. And I like being with him. As much as I like being with anyone. Mostly I like to be by myself. But everyone agrees that’s not healthy. So here I am, pretending to party it up.
Ruin thinks he wants me, but he needs someone a lot warmer than I can ever be.
And I don’t need or want anyone.
“Are you all right?” Harper asks me.
She’s a singer—my favorite singer-songwriter actually, from before I ever met her in real life. Her songs make me feel, even now, when I have no real feelings left. But songs are one thing. Actually getting asked how I am is a different thing altogether. My sister Veronica heard and is now watching me like a hawk, waiting for my answer.
“I’m fine,” I say. “Just a little tired. I hope I’m not coming down with a cold or something.”
I’m not. It’s just the first excuse I could think of.
Harper doesn’t look convinced and my sister even less so. Veronica blames herself for what happened to me. Thinks it would’ve been different if she hadn’t left me in the car alone while she went into the supermarket to get something.
Truth is, we would have probably just both ended up getting abducted if she was there too. She dodged a huge bullet that day and I’m only grateful and happy for her that she did. I wish she’d just count her blessings and be happy too. I’ve run out of ways to explain that to her, so I’ve stopped trying.
I feel their attention draw away from me and a moment later the guys are at our table. My sister stands up and gives Chance a huge hug, Summer is all over Edge in a second, only Trixie and Harper, greet their boyfriends—Hunter and Jax, respectively—more demurely.
That leaves Ruin and me.
He’s standing back, looking at everything and nothing at the same time, including me. A part of me doesn’t like that. But another part is happy about it. Maybe he’s finally given up on me.
He looks good with his dark blond wavy hair, big blue eyes that always catch the light and sparkle, and no woman could complain about the flowing muscles of his arms and the way his black jeans hug his legs just perfectly. I’m not complaining. I just don’t see men as objects of desire, because I was forced to take too many against my will while I was held captive. They tried to break me, tried to make me accept that getting fucked by whoever pays was my life now. But I never did.
