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“-she said it helped her out a lot.” My sister finishes whatever she was saying just as I tune back in.
“Huh?”
“You’re such a space cadet, Kat.” She snipes, but smiles to soften the blow as I wince.
“I live in a fictional world, Belle. You know me.” I shrug as best I can where I’m laying as she sits up, moving to a cross-legged position.
“I was just telling you about this site that Naomi told me about.” Blech. Naomi. Annabelle glares at me as if she can read my thoughts and knows that I’m dissing on her friend. I just smile innocently at her.
Naomi is alright, I guess. She just annoys the fuck out of me with her screechy voice and woo-girl ways. She’s like the living, breathing definition of a sorority chick. To each their own, but I wouldn’t hang out with her. Which is another reason I’m dreading the wedding as the girl is a bridesmaid. I’ll be stuck with her throughout all of the bridesmaid events and more.
“It could solve your date issue.” Through the fog of my brain, that little tidbit latches on and catches my interest.
“How’s that?”
“Just come here and see.” She pulls her laptop off of the couch and types some shit in. I take the time to try and drag myself up to my ass, albeit clumsily as hell. My head spins a bit, but after a second, it goes away.
“Alright, what am I looking at?” I scoot myself to her side and peer at the screen, though the words all look far too blurry to read. They should fix that. It can’t be good for business.
“It’s called Book-A-Boyfriend. You basically hire a guy to be your date for whatever you want.” I shove at her shoulder, but only manage to push myself back to a lying position.
“I’m not hiring a prostitute to be my date to your wedding, Demon-Doll. That’s disgusting.” I groan, submitting defeat to gravity and stay laid out on my back. When did the room start spinning? “I mean…to each their own, but I’m not that type of girl.” I wave my hand in the air as I close my eyes, shifting until my head reaches the edge of the rug and touches the cool floor.
That’s better.
“It’s not an escort service, Kat! Jeez. I know you’re far too much of a stick in the mud to even consider that.” She laughs as I throw an arm out to slap her wherever I can reach. “I think this could be a great way for you to get mom off your back, at least for this event.”
“I could just…you know…show up with my bad self. Go stag. There’s not much she can do. I’m great company, you know.”
“Actually, she told me if I don’t make sure you have a date, that she’s going to show up with one for you.”
“The two of you are always conspiring against me! You’re evil!”
“Mwahaha!” She gives me her best evil laugh, which is decidedly adorable, before adding, “It’s only because we hate seeing you so alone and miserable.”
“I’m not miserable! Where did you get such a horrible idea?” I pout, my eyes still closed as if that’ll block out both the spinning of my surroundings and her analyzing ways.
“You are! You try to deny it, but I know you, Kat. You forget that I was the one who held you when you were twelve while you cried because Jackson didn’t kiss you under the mistletoe at the middle school Christmas dance.” I groan, rubbing my hands over my face as she reminds me of the moment I stopped believing in happily ever afters. Pathetic, I know. “You’re a softy, as much as you try to pretend you’re not. You had a bookshelf full of binders just for your own romantic life plan, four of which were for your wedding alone.”
“You should have stayed out of my room!” I open my eyes to glare at her, seeing her satisfied smirk as she continues looking at her laptop screen.
“Now, this isn’t going to fix all that for you, but it will buy you some time with Mom. And who knows? Maybe you can keep the hired man around for future events until you have something figured out.” She shrugs casually as if she didn’t just propose that I hire myself a boyfriend. As if it’s that easy.
“And what happens when the press gets hold of that information?” I eye her, daring her to find a way out of that one. I’m not a movie star or anything like that, but I am a public figure.
“Actually, Book-A-Boyfriend has great policies for that. No one will ever know, and the men are contractually obligated to swear until their dying breath that it’s all real. Financial motivation and all that. They don’t even have pictures or anything on the site to protect the information. The only people who could possibly have an inkling is their employees and possibly previous customers, who are just as individually bound to secrecy. The guys don’t even know who else works for the same company.”
“Yeah, because that always works. Besides, if they aren’t showing you pictures of the men, how are you supposed to choose one? Do you just get assigned? That seems silly. Like what if I’m assigned a blonde man, but someone in my life knows that I would never date a blonde?”
“That’s the easy part, all you have to do is fill out this questionnaire that covers all that. It even asks about personality traits and everything.” She tries to slide the laptop towards me, but the screen is still too blurry for me to make out anything, so I wave her away.
“I can’t read that shit. They made the font too small.” She chuckles before positioning it back on her lap.
“Fine. I’ll do it for you.” She hums under her breath as she starts clicking.
“Hey! What are you doing?” Alarm has me bolting upright. “You’re just going to do something stupid like ask for a man that hates animals, or one that can’t stand it when a woman eats like a real human being on dates, or…something.”
She gasps, slapping her hand to her chest, “I would never! I know you pretty damn well Kathryn Marie Sharpe! Do you even know me? Besides, if I don’t do it for you, it won’t happen at all. We leave on Sunday, we have to do something. Or would you rather take whatever date Mom manages to wrangle into it for you?”
