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Ah shit.
“Kat! Will you tell us what’s going on?” Annabelle pulls me out of my unintentional procrastination spiral and I suck in a breath before chewing on the dead skin on the side of my fingernail.
“I’m living in a real life romance novel, Demon-Doll. That’s what. And honestly, it’s a lot crazier than you picture when reading it.” At their silent, stunned gazes, I finally let out a sigh and proceed to catch them up to everything that has happened since I stepped foot in Cancun. Some of which they already know, some of which they don’t, but it all helps my brain to sift through all the events, so they can deal.
By the end of my little spiel, I collapse on the couch between them, laying the back of my hand over my face like one of those old-timey women in corsets who faint and whimper. There is a long moment of silence after I’m done as they process everything. I’m breathing heavily, sweat beading on my forehead, and I can’t for the life of me seem to calm my racing heart.
I’m not usually the sort of woman who can’t make decisions or figure my own shit out. Hell, I’m decisive, in control, and the head of the world’s largest animal sanctuary operation. Under my proverbial umbrella, I direct vet clinics, rehabilitation centers, and so much more. Hell, I’m even in charge of an official private investigation unit that targets black-market trading of endangered animals.
Yet, I can’t for the life of me untangle the nonsensical state of this situation. I can’t even get my head around it.
The silence is finally broken by a loud sound and I jump in place, confused and disoriented, until I finally realize what’s happened.
“Are you fuckers laughing at me?”
“Look,” Annabelle tries to say, but she immediately dissolves into another fit of giggles, her face red and eyes watering. Ethan is no better, but he at least tries to stifle his sounds behind his hands, which are covering his face completely.
I groan, collapsing back against the plush couch and staring at the ceiling, resigning myself to waiting them out. It takes far longer than I ever thought possible, with many moments of them seeming to be done before they exchange looks and it starts all over.
It’s official. They’re the worst.
Finally, after about ten minutes of them shamelessly benefitting from my predicament, Annabelle manages to find words again.
“Okay, let’s just…let’s just start with how you’re feeling.” Her now makeup smeared raccoon eyes probe my face and I let just enough of my vulnerability show. Her features soften as she smiles gently at me, urging me to open up.
“Fine.” I cross one leg over the other, letting it settle into a bounce that seems to help soothe my scrambled-egg brain and let my mind sift through everything.
“Let’s start with being overwhelmed,” I sigh. “Look, I’m not a stranger to male attention, but I am completely out of my depth with this level of male attention. All three of them look at me as if I hung the moon for them. Or at least that’s what it feels like. But that very well could be something my mind conjured up because I, myself, feel like they are the ones who hung the moon for me.”
Each interaction between me and the guys flies through my mind like I’m laying on my deathbed and forced to relive the biggest moments of my life. It’s a reel of heat, softness, adventure, and–yes–heart-stopping experiences.
“All three of them together that one time? Whew. It blew my mind. I seriously thought nothing else could top it. And then it was just me and Wilder and…fuck me. Then Wyatt later that night. Shit. And now I’m facing down a night with just Emrys and-” I wave at the air, totally lost for words.
I can speak in front of hundreds and thousands for charities and fundraisers, yet…
Look at me now.
“Which brings me to my next emotion…confused. I’m so at a loss, I could file bankruptcy for my brain.” They’re both thankfully quiet as I struggle to continue. “Even if we take the idea of them just having fun with me out of the equation, I still have no idea what to think. Wilder has a way of bringing out my fun side. The one I’m realizing got lost in transition from animals being my hobby, to being practically the last chance of survival for hundreds of species on the planet.”
I clasp my hands on my lap, wringing them together as my foot continues to bounce. “It was something I didn’t even realize was gone until I got it back. And now I never want to lose it again. Wilder did that, he gave me that piece back. So I for sure had thoughts that this is it, he might be something real afterall, all of his faux-inability to care aside. I know he’s deeper than just a thrill. I caught a glimpse of that, and now I find myself wanting to cultivate it, care for it, let it blossom until it’s in full bloom.”
I shake my head at my own ridiculous metaphors and avoid looking at Annabelle and Ethan. My pot has been boiling for ages, now it’s just spilling out without restraint. I can’t hold it back any longer.
“Then…Wyatt. God, he’s glorious, isn’t he?” It’s a rhetorical question, and I don’t need an answer, pushing forward without pause. “He’s all suave, calm, collected gentlemen in all things. Until you get him in bed. Then he’s just a force to be reckoned with. That sort of control and dominance? It’s my kink and I have no shame about it. It’s like the perfect balance with him. He makes me feel treasured. Understood. Seen. He predicts my needs and acts accordingly. Which could very well just be him being fantastic at his job. That was one of my requirements on that stupid form. But…there’s no way he’s that good, right?”
Another rhetorical question, which they blessedly don’t even try to answer.
“When it was just the two of us…I truly felt like that was something real. Like he could be a constant. Someone I could rely on and look forward to seeing every single day of my life. Which is stupid of me to even say after only a few days, but hey. Why stop the crazy train now? We’re already seventy-five percent through the journey to full blown insanity.”
When I pause for too long in my word vomit, Annabelle nudges me gently with her elbow. “Go on.”
“Then there’s Emrys.” I take a full deep breath, my chest expanding, even as my head seems to think that I’m struggling for oxygen. “I haven’t gotten him into bed alone yet, but I know that’s what’s coming tonight. Because…duh. And I’m excited for it. I want it! Even though I’ve already taken two other men to bed. Holy hell, the man is an animal! And you know how much I love animals.”
I chuckle dryly at that before continuing. “His attention is primal. Claiming in a way. Like my brain completely stops whirling and I dissolve into a cavewoman. Like I’d be totally fine with him throwing me over his shoulder and spouting one syllable answers for the rest of eternity.”
My smile is wide at this point, just picturing me, Kathryn Sharpe, behaving like that for even one day. “But beneath his gruff, silent exterior is a kindred spirit. He’s just as passionate and devoted to the animal kingdom as I am. And while I don’t typically embody my source of passion, he seems to thrive amongst creatures big and small. When we went on that jungle adventure, he knew things that even I didn’t. He came to life amidst the wild, like I do. And when he looks at me? It’s like his soul recognizes mine. Like they’re two halves to a whole. Which is impossible, because–again–it’s only been a few days and it could all be a mirage for my desert-lost, thirsty ass.”
I stop wringing my hands, instead resorting to crossing my arms across my chest again. “So yeah, I’m confused. Because when I’m alone with each of them, I can’t see or think about anyone else. Every single one of them draws my entire attention and doesn’t let go. Until I’m with the next. And that’s fucking terrible.”
