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“When can we see her?” Dylan asks.
“You may go in one or two at a time once our last evaluation is finished. I’d like to admit her, at least overnight, to see if we can regain control over some of her levels and get her to eat a bit. Does she have a strong support system at home?”
It takes a couple of attempts before I’m able to clear the cotton from my throat to answer him. “She lives with me. I haven’t been home as much lately, but she has all of us, her parents, and her friends.”
“She’s going to need all of you. She’s quite frightened right now, as you’d expect. I’m going to have someone from our psychiatric unit come and speak with you as well. They’ll be better at answering some of your questions than I am. Why don’t you stay here, and I’ll have one of the nurses come get you as soon as Hayley is ready.”
“Thank you, Dr. Miller.”
I hear Eli and Dylan talking to each other after the doctor leaves, but again I can’t recall a single word if my life depended on it. All I can do is rewind the doctor’s words about the stress on Hayley. She was bubbly, snarky, and generally happy before me. She would spend time with her friends, laugh with her family, be the life of everything.
Following behind the doctor’s words are Dylan’s. I need to be positive to help her, to support my best friend. If I can’t do that, I have no business being here.
I need to sort out my head for a minute, well, for more than a minute. I need to decide if it’s better for Hayley if I stay or go. “While we wait, I’m going to take a walk.”
“Remember my words, Mav. Got it?”
“You mean my words, right? Yeah, Viper, I got it.”
“Keep your phone handy,” Eli says. “I’ll text you the minute we can go in.”
I think I’m still nodding in response as I begin to wander the halls. Every part of my body is in knots, especially my gut. There is a raw burning sensation that’s taking over. I wish I had something to wash it all away. My mindless stroll ends up at the coffee and gift shop at the far end of the hospital. Right outside is the information desk and the other entrance doors. On the other side of that door is an escape. I’d give anything to be able to run away. I know in my heart I wouldn’t get past the parking lot.
Each time the doors open and close is like a gut check. Come on, Wes, you know you want to be out here. Finally, you’re sticking around. Be the man she thinks you are. The next time the door opens, a familiar face greets me, Gabrielle is running toward me as quickly as her heels will allow.
“Shit, Wes. I got here as quickly as I could. I had to make sure Garrett and Spencer could handle the rest of the night without Sam, Lucy, and I. How’s Hayley?”
I don’t know how to answer her question. Not only will my words not make sense, but I want to protect her privacy. “We got some preliminary stuff back. She’s still being fully evaluated. I needed a minute before I can go in, if I go in.”
“Wait a minute. Your girlfriend is in the hospital and you’re sitting here saying if?”
“Just like I said, if I go. I think I’m most of the reason she’s here in the first place.”
Gabi stands stunned and silent in front of me. Either she has no idea what to say or she’s so disappointed in me that she’s ready to let me have it. After a quick breath, she points at a bench in front of a wall of windows overlooking a greenspace. “Follow me. Now.” Reluctantly, I follow her orders, plopping myself down on the end facing the window. Gabi does her Gabi thing before she starts any negotiation. She straightens her sleeves, smoothes out her skirt, then slides on the bench next to me. We sit in silence for a few minutes until she tires of waiting. “Are you ever going to start talking?”
“I wouldn’t know what to say or where to begin.”
“Try the beginning. Don’t censor yourself. If you do, that means you’re trying to hide something or even lie. What’s going on?”
I’d like to tell her everything. It would be easy to unload. Gabi is, and has always been, a safe spot for me. She’s who gets me through all the tough things in our business. This though, knowing our history, knowing how Hayley feels about it, I can’t tell her. I just can't.
“Okay. I see you’re not going to tell me and that’s okay. I think I know why, but since I’ve known you, you’ve never given up on anything, even if it was the worst thing for you. Now it seems like you have the best thing for you. Doesn’t she deserve your best?”
“I don’t know is the only answer I have. I’m used to two lives. I’m away at work for days at a time, so when I come home it’s all about Hayley. There are other complications when I’m home that I don’t know how to navigate. I just wish it was fun and easy.”
“Wes, I know you better than to think everything is fun and easy.”
“A man can dream, right?”
“If you want to be a child about it I suppose.”
“Fuck. Thanks.”
“Look, Wes, I can see how she looks at you. She’s so in love with you. She looks at you like a prince. But she’s young. Consider how it is for her. Imagine how she feels, knowing if you stay together, there will be so many things that she will experience as firsts that will be things you’ve seen or done a long time ago. That has to be hard.”
Gabi doesn’t know how hard. Hannah. Seeing Gabrielle. Knowing that she’s spent more time comparing herself to others than realizing she doesn’t compare to them in any way. She doesn’t need to.
“Bottom line Taylor, she needs the person I know. If you run now, you’ll never know what you could be on the other side. Get into that room and make things happen.”
