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“No. We’re good, Mav. You can pick the wine if you want.”
“Mind if we go alcohol free?” Both Eli and Dylan stop, frozen. They nearly simultaneously look at me. “You don’t have to make me feel like I have two heads. I mean… I do, but not ones you can see. Look, I just tossed two full waste bins of bottles out this morning when I cleaned the apartment. I think I need to detox and cool it. Okay?”
“Yeah. No, that’s fine,” Eli adds.
“I’ll share one of my recovery drinks with you. I think it might be just what you need. Want to sit at the table or more picnic-style?”
I don’t look over at them and just start grabbing dishes from the cupboard. “Can we sit at the table like a family? I’ve had enough boxes on the floor to last me a while.”
“Anything you want.” Eli pats my shoulder. “Buffet-style then sit at the table.”
Eli tries to lead the conversation into all the light places. He dominates the room and I let him. I listen a lot and nod when needed. I didn’t know if it would be awkward being around him or anyone that reminded me of Hayley. It isn’t. It’s comfortable and soothing. It’s exactly what I need.
They don’t push me to talk. They make me feel at home. I feel so at home I don’t want to leave. I convince Eli to play another round with me. Dylan even takes his place while Eli takes an emergency call from the office.
“Hey, Mav. You doing okay? I gave it to you pretty hard the other night.”
I stare straight ahead at the television. The horn sounds, meaning she’s just scored on me. My reflexes don’t even flinch. “I don’t want to go home tonight. Can I… can I just stay here? I know I’m fucking up the Sunday morning special, but I’ll make brunch. I’ll do anything not to have to go home.”
“Of course you can stay here. The other bedroom is free. It’s a little messy with foundation stuff. I can clean it up quickly.”
I cut her off before she even gets to her feet. “The couch. I’d like to sleep on the couch.”
Eli’s couch is the first place I kissed Hayley. If I look at the cushions hard enough, I can see the imprint her body left. I can smell her hair as it drifted across me. My hands even tingle from touching her body.
“I’ll still get you a pillow and the duvet from the bed.”
“Don’t. I’ll go get it when I’m ready.”
“I know I don’t need to tell you this, but make yourself at home.”
She slowly gets up off the couch. I give her my arm, even though I know she doesn’t need it. In a gesture not often shared between us, she presses a cheek to the top of my head and wraps her arm around my shoulder before limping away.
“Hey, Viper?”
“Yeah?”
“Thank you.”
She gives me a small smile before disappearing behind her bedroom door. I lean back on the cushions of the couch, propping my head so I can look back at the abstract image of the skyline through their curtains. I click the light off and toss my arm over my eyes, trying to imagine I can see the moon. I wonder if Hayley is looking at it too.
Eli’s unmistakable footsteps get closer and closer to me in the darkness. “Dylan said you asked to stay.”
I allow my arm to flop back down into my lap. The only light in the room is that from the intermission of my unfinished hockey game. “Yeah. Cool?”
“Sure. It’s okay with me.” Eli plops down on the cushion beside me in an almost full mirror of my pose. “You can talk to me, you know. I get that Dylan is where you’re most comfortable right now, but I’m still here. You’re still you and I’m still me.”
“Is this even a fraction of what you felt like after the Wicked Witch melted?”
“The fact you still have a bit of humor floating around gives me hope. Yes. I’m sure it is. I don’t think it’s necessarily about the time you’re with someone, it’s about the connection. You and Hayles had a connection long before it was anything else.”
“I didn’t realize I could love like this. It fucking scares me to live with it and without it.”
“I get it. I do. Look, I don’t know if it will make you feel any better, but she’s sad too. It’s beyond the reasons you’d think. She’s battling a lot. She’s doing the work. She’s been going to therapy every day. She’s sleeping more and eating better. My mother and father are making sure of it.”
The light posturing, which I’m sure was for me, that Eli’s had all evening has quickly faded. He’s sliding his hands back and forth. With each pass the pressure against each palm becomes greater. His eyes are cast down at his feet instead of looking at me.
“Look, I know I’m a fucking mess, but if there’s something you need to unload, I can still function,” I offer.
