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“Yeah. I know. I’ve spent the better part of a week trying to sort out in my mind how to approach you with it. It’s taken me a minute to deal with it myself.” I watch the deep inhale and exhale in the nagging blue light of the television. I don’t need to see his eyes fully to know that he’s wrecked.
“Well, I know it’s not work. You let that shit roll, no matter what. If it was Pops or Evie, I would have heard about it already. Are Jack and Lil okay? Is it Hayley?”
“Yeah. Everyone’s okay-ish.” Eli’s elbows remain on his knees. His hands stop moving and his head raises in my direction before he continues, “I don’t know if Dylan told you, the night she came to see you, I went out to my parents’ place like I promised you I would. On the outside, the house and everything looked normal. I crossed the threshold, and it was a different story. There was this dark cloud that was choking everyone inside. Look, Wes…”
When Eli openly uses my given name instead of our call signs, I know immediately it’s a bad thing. “Just say it. Nothing can hurt me now.”
“Wes, this episode with Hayley wasn’t the first one she’s had. This has been a thing since she was thirteen years old.”
I can feel this crushing pain hit my heart. It feels like someone punched through my chest, pulled it out, and tossed it on the floor. “What?”
“Yeah. My parents finally told me yesterday. This is like her fifth incident. She was even in the hospital once before. It was while I was on my first honeymoon. I can’t even begin to describe how angry I am, how hurt. My parents have never lied to me before, well that I know of anyway. This is also the first time Hayley has hidden something major like this too.
“I suppose I could count your relationship with her in the same category, but this feels so much worse. I could have helped her, man. I could have done something. Now I’m playing catchup like a fool. I have to look you in the face and apologize for all the things I said on the flight. This is not your fault. I should have never said it was.”
I spin my ball cap backward as I finally get my legs back underneath me. The same windows I was looking out of, wishing for the moon to be ours, are asking me to come closer. Pacing is about the only exercise I seem to be getting these days. I rest my hands on top of my head before the thoughts in my head creep out.
“You should say it wasn’t entirely my fault, because if I’d been… if we’d been paying attention, she wouldn’t have felt the need to go there again. I will own that part. Has she… has she asked about me?”
“Wes, she’s just in a really bad place right now. She still cares. Trust me.”
“Eli. I want to tell you I’m sorry.”
“You’re sorry? Sorry for what?”
“For telling you to get over it. Telling you to simply go out and get laid because it would cure you. Bitching at you time and time again to take your ring off. I’m an asshole.”
“You’re not an asshole, at least not for that.” He smiles. “You thought you were doing what was best for me. You were. I don’t hold it against you.”
“I won’t stay in this place forever Eli. I’m working on coming back. You just can’t see it right now.”
“What are you thinking, Mav? Should I worry?”
“I’m thinking about moving. I need more than two bedrooms if I’m going to have a room for the kid.”
“That’s a lot of change at one time. Maybe slow down a bit?”
I spin my hat back, so my eyes are hidden. I sit back in the darkness with Eli. I reach down for the controller and start fidgeting with the buttons, rolling them over and over with the pad of my fingers. “I can’t. The baby is due in the next six weeks or so. I know he or she will have to stay solely with Hannah for a while, but I have to get reality on board. I don’t have a fucking clue how to do this. You’ve been ready for kids since we were twenty. Help me out? Shit. I thought I’d be the fun uncle before a father.”
“I’ve never once thought you couldn’t do this.”
“Well, that makes one of us.”
Eli takes the controller from my hand, setting it on the table in front of me. “Sleep on it. I hope you can sleep better here. You’re starting to look like you did during junior year finals week.”
“That good, eh? Great.”
“Nothing that can’t be fixed. Need anything before I hit the hay?”
“Is that what you’re calling it?” I give Eli a smile. I hope it is another encouraging sign that I’m trying. “I’ll be okay. I’ll go grab the pillow and shit soon.”
“All right. See you in the morning.”
With a play slap to the cheek, Eli goes into their bedroom and closes the door. Who am I kidding? Sleep will not be happening soon. Not at all.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Wes
