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“What happened here?” Faith said, staring around at the piles of books and papers and knickknacks piled on the sofa and the floor.
“I’m sorting some stuff out,” Leah said, trying to sound casual.
“O-kay,” Faith said carefully. “Why, exactly?”
“Because I’m leaving after CloudFest.”
Faith dropped the grocery bag on the floor, eyes going wide. “Excuse me?”
Leah took a deep breath. “I’m leaving. I’m going back to L.A, see what I can rustle up for producing gigs.”
“You have a perfectly good studio for that right here,” Faith said. She sounded bewildered.
Leah pointed at the lone armchair that wasn’t full of crap. “Sit down.”
Faith shook her head. “Not until you start making sense.”
“I can’t stay here, Faith,” Leah said. She didn’t want to have this conversation. She’d known she’d have to, but that didn’t make it any easier.
“But Lansing is your home. You can produce here. Hell, between your dad and me and Ziggy we can find you producing work in a heartbeat.”
“It’s not that,” Leah said. “Though I’d prefer to do it on my own, if I can.” She wanted to try. She needed to try. To prove that she was good enough. If news about Zach ditching her as producer got out then it wouldn’t help her reputation any if she turned around and got her next producing job through pulling on the strings of the very well connected Blacklight web.
“Then what?” Faith asked. “I know my brother is a world-class asshole, but that doesn’t mean you have to run.”
“It’s not running,” Leah said. “It’s choosing not to stay anymore.”
Faith frowned. “I don’t understand.”
Leah cleared a space on the chair nearest her. Maybe Faith didn’t want to sit, but Leah had been at the studio all day and then spent the last two hours in a decluttering frenzy. All that on way too little sleep, and she was wiped. “I’ve had a lot of time to think these last few days. And while there’s plenty about what just happened that I don’t understand, I did realize one thing.”
“Which was?”
“That the reason—the real reason I came back to Lansing after college—wasn’t just that Mom and Dad are here or that the studio was here. Or even that you and Ivy were here.” God. Was she really going to say this out loud? It was mortifying enough to realize it in the darkness of her bedroom at two a.m. two nights ago. It had nearly sent her to the tequila again. She swallowed. Fought the heat that rose in her cheeks even now. “I came back because, I think—no, I know—that part of me was always waiting for Zach to come back here. That if I waited long enough, he’d come home and we’d work it out somehow. That we’d make it work.”
Faith was looking at her like she’d gone insane.
“I know it sounds dumb. Believe me, I know it is dumb. Beyond dumb.”
“But—you married Joey.”
“I did. I didn’t know that I was waiting for Zach. Not until he actually did come back. And then he left again. I loved Joey. But not enough. Not like I—” She made herself stop talking. Faith was Zach’s sister. It wasn’t fair to put her in the middle of this mess. The mess that Leah only had herself to blame for. “But anyway. I have to go stop waiting. Because he’s not coming back for me. And I have to find out what my life is supposed to be like when I know that. Right now, I can’t do that here on Lansing.”
Faith looked like she might cry. But then she shook her head, sat a little straighter in her chair. “I hate my brother right now.”
“Don’t be mad at him. He didn’t do this. I did.” She didn’t want to be the reason for Faith and Zach to fight again. That would only make her feel worse.
“Are you ever going to come back?” Faith asked.
Leah let out a breath, suddenly swamped with relief. Faith wasn’t going to talk her out of it. Maybe she understood. Which meant maybe Leah wasn’t crazy to want to do it. “For good? I don’t know. But I’m not going to get on the ferry and never come back. I have a lot here. Not to mention you’re getting married here. It’s just … right now I need to know what else there is.”
Faith nodded slowly. “Okay. I don’t like it. In fact, I pretty much hate it.” She bent and reached for the grocery bag. “And I think I’m going to need to eat about half this ice cream. But I understand.” She looked at Leah, managed a smile. “But you’re staying until CloudFest?”
“Yes,” Leah said. “I wouldn’t bail on you. That would be shitty of me.” There’d been too much bailing on people. She wasn’t going to do that to anyone she loved. “So I’m here for the festival and maybe a little after that, while I pack up my stuff and get myself organized.” She was half-thinking she’d rent the place out. It was hers, it was the one thing she’d wanted in the divorce and Joey, thank God, hadn’t fought her on that. But she hadn’t figured out all the details.
“Good,” Faith said. “Then first things first. Ice cream. And then we focus on having as good a time as possible until you leave.”
Chapter Nineteen
